34thebeach
Junior Member
@ Stealth 2 @ Future dust @ Prosperpina
I won't bother with quoting from your posts and just address the common threads.
I have tried to explain that my question and issue is not with whether I owe and or will pay the back support for the time my daughter was missing. It is about the mothers actions and false claims etc. that the court simply took at face value EVEN after I submitted canceled checks, wire transfers and bank statements proving I had paid from 1994 - 2000. I KNOW the issues of concealment and back support for 2001 to 2009 are separate issues in the courts eyes.
I did go to the courts...they told me to find a private detective...and could not give me legal advice.
On one had you collectively tell me I should have put all the money into a savings account, then I should have used it for an attorney or P.I. I try to save as much as I could at different times but I do have a life and other responsibilities. I was unable to see of talk to my child as a result of THE MOTHER disappearing...NOT ME choosing not to pay or not wanting to have interaction, so I had to use the few months at a time I had accumulated to survive and take care of my family who lived with me and I had contact with.
Even a couple thousand dollars was not acceptable to the lawyers and P.I.'s I talked to because I lived out of state.
Again none of you are addressing that it was the mothers actions that started all this in motion...not my actions. I was current on all payments, I called my daughter several times a week, went to California once or twice a year etc. when I could.
Had the mother not disappeared there never would have been a missed payment just like there were no missed payments from 1994 - 2000. That is not addressed here either. Do not think I am seeking praise for doing what I was supposed and happy to do...which is pay my support. I am simply saying that THE MOTHER disappeared not me...she is the one who caused this.
I talked to every attorney and P.I. I could find in that area and none of them would take payments and certainly not $300. $300 for them is roughly one hours work. They all wanted very large retainers to even moved forward after the initial conversation and I did not have those large sums. I live out of state and could not traverse San Diego County or the western US myself.
I am not concerned about paying the back support in that whether I agree or not that there should be some adjustment at least to the interest as a result of the mothers actions. I just want credit for what I did pay and will handle the rest. Although I will appeal to the court to take certain factors and her actions which all of you seem to say were fine and NONE OF YOU ARE ADDRESSING into consideration.
You are taking the word whim out of context. We had been doing what we could with the economic resources we had to try and find her. Once again, if one does not have economic resources one does not get very far...especially in California and if you live out of state. The fact that we tried My Space was in fact yet another attempt at using a resource we had to try and find her and it paid off.
If a detective is searching for a perp of some kind they exhaust all leads and avenues of finding that person that they have at their disposal and know of. Which is exactly what I did. But in your eyes it is the cop who is at fault here not the perp. The perp should just walk because the cop was unable to find him for some time and the cops have untold resources available to them compared to my resources? Really? If they do not find the perp the case goes cold. The cops hope and pray for a "whimsical" opportunity or situation to arise that proves to be fruitful and successful. When the case goes to court the perp cannot stand up and say yeah I broke the law but they did not find me so I am not responsible. This is the same thing.
I paid the support after we found her for a time until the court did not recognize the monies I had paid for years 1994 - 2000. Since then I have been trying to get the materials together to set up the telephonic hearing, but have wanted to find an attorney or group to help on some level. However I am certainly learning what I continue to repeat....and that it the it simply does not matter what she does or that SHE started all this yet she is not held accountable.
WHY have NONE of you addressed my questions regarding what the mother did? Everything I have been saying is being completely supported by your statements as far as the mother and the system...
It seems that one of the key factor is that I did not and do not have the economic resource to stage a more aggressive costly search or legal presentation now etc. and because my resources were and limited I am at fault not the one who initiated all this and chose the actions she did that in contempt of the court order. That does not matter to you and apparently the court...It is about the money! Which again is absurd. It is all about the money...
I have learned what I needed to learn from this forum...that the onus IS ALWAYS on the farther no matter what the mother does in contempt of the court order. She disappears, does not contact the court, does not contact me, closes her bank account, has her family not respond to me, files fraudulent false statements regarding the monies I had paid ($30K), then lies about the payments she did receive when asked if she did receive the payments after I sent them to the court...
And no matter what, the father has to spend the time, money and energy and she just goes on about her business even though she was under the same court order I was...again none of you have addressed that. Why?
You have unfortunately reinforced what I know to be the reality...screw the dads no matter what they try to do and damn them if they are not wealthy enough to pay the cost associated with the legal system...and the mother can do what she wants...just get that precious money is first foremost on the list and damn the rest...
Why have none of you addressed what she did which put and kept all of this in motion...ever hear of cause and effect...SHE is the cause here...not me...
If someone runs into a building with 10 people in it and yelled fire then runs out causing a panic in the 10 in the building and one of the 10 is unfortunately killed by being trampled on by the other 9 I guess you guys would go after the nine (who may have some culpability) but the person who caused the panic would just walk right?
I won't bother with quoting from your posts and just address the common threads.
I have tried to explain that my question and issue is not with whether I owe and or will pay the back support for the time my daughter was missing. It is about the mothers actions and false claims etc. that the court simply took at face value EVEN after I submitted canceled checks, wire transfers and bank statements proving I had paid from 1994 - 2000. I KNOW the issues of concealment and back support for 2001 to 2009 are separate issues in the courts eyes.
I did go to the courts...they told me to find a private detective...and could not give me legal advice.
On one had you collectively tell me I should have put all the money into a savings account, then I should have used it for an attorney or P.I. I try to save as much as I could at different times but I do have a life and other responsibilities. I was unable to see of talk to my child as a result of THE MOTHER disappearing...NOT ME choosing not to pay or not wanting to have interaction, so I had to use the few months at a time I had accumulated to survive and take care of my family who lived with me and I had contact with.
Even a couple thousand dollars was not acceptable to the lawyers and P.I.'s I talked to because I lived out of state.
Again none of you are addressing that it was the mothers actions that started all this in motion...not my actions. I was current on all payments, I called my daughter several times a week, went to California once or twice a year etc. when I could.
Had the mother not disappeared there never would have been a missed payment just like there were no missed payments from 1994 - 2000. That is not addressed here either. Do not think I am seeking praise for doing what I was supposed and happy to do...which is pay my support. I am simply saying that THE MOTHER disappeared not me...she is the one who caused this.
I talked to every attorney and P.I. I could find in that area and none of them would take payments and certainly not $300. $300 for them is roughly one hours work. They all wanted very large retainers to even moved forward after the initial conversation and I did not have those large sums. I live out of state and could not traverse San Diego County or the western US myself.
I am not concerned about paying the back support in that whether I agree or not that there should be some adjustment at least to the interest as a result of the mothers actions. I just want credit for what I did pay and will handle the rest. Although I will appeal to the court to take certain factors and her actions which all of you seem to say were fine and NONE OF YOU ARE ADDRESSING into consideration.
You are taking the word whim out of context. We had been doing what we could with the economic resources we had to try and find her. Once again, if one does not have economic resources one does not get very far...especially in California and if you live out of state. The fact that we tried My Space was in fact yet another attempt at using a resource we had to try and find her and it paid off.
If a detective is searching for a perp of some kind they exhaust all leads and avenues of finding that person that they have at their disposal and know of. Which is exactly what I did. But in your eyes it is the cop who is at fault here not the perp. The perp should just walk because the cop was unable to find him for some time and the cops have untold resources available to them compared to my resources? Really? If they do not find the perp the case goes cold. The cops hope and pray for a "whimsical" opportunity or situation to arise that proves to be fruitful and successful. When the case goes to court the perp cannot stand up and say yeah I broke the law but they did not find me so I am not responsible. This is the same thing.
I paid the support after we found her for a time until the court did not recognize the monies I had paid for years 1994 - 2000. Since then I have been trying to get the materials together to set up the telephonic hearing, but have wanted to find an attorney or group to help on some level. However I am certainly learning what I continue to repeat....and that it the it simply does not matter what she does or that SHE started all this yet she is not held accountable.
WHY have NONE of you addressed my questions regarding what the mother did? Everything I have been saying is being completely supported by your statements as far as the mother and the system...
It seems that one of the key factor is that I did not and do not have the economic resource to stage a more aggressive costly search or legal presentation now etc. and because my resources were and limited I am at fault not the one who initiated all this and chose the actions she did that in contempt of the court order. That does not matter to you and apparently the court...It is about the money! Which again is absurd. It is all about the money...
I have learned what I needed to learn from this forum...that the onus IS ALWAYS on the farther no matter what the mother does in contempt of the court order. She disappears, does not contact the court, does not contact me, closes her bank account, has her family not respond to me, files fraudulent false statements regarding the monies I had paid ($30K), then lies about the payments she did receive when asked if she did receive the payments after I sent them to the court...
And no matter what, the father has to spend the time, money and energy and she just goes on about her business even though she was under the same court order I was...again none of you have addressed that. Why?
You have unfortunately reinforced what I know to be the reality...screw the dads no matter what they try to do and damn them if they are not wealthy enough to pay the cost associated with the legal system...and the mother can do what she wants...just get that precious money is first foremost on the list and damn the rest...
Why have none of you addressed what she did which put and kept all of this in motion...ever hear of cause and effect...SHE is the cause here...not me...
If someone runs into a building with 10 people in it and yelled fire then runs out causing a panic in the 10 in the building and one of the 10 is unfortunately killed by being trampled on by the other 9 I guess you guys would go after the nine (who may have some culpability) but the person who caused the panic would just walk right?