Filing a restraining order against someone who has a restraining order on you

[tat123]

Why on earth would you text her? Why would she do anything other than laugh at your request (which is evidently what she did) ?

Colour me confused.

Because i assume that people have a heart and a conscience. I am sorry for being "naive" but most people I know would feel GUILTY about sexting a guy who is dating someone. I assumed she did not know he wasn't single and gave her the benefit of the doubt. I texted her and called him. So it is not like I just let him go scott free.

 

[eerelations]

It wouldn't have cost you thousands of dollars to get an attorney to postpone the court date, it would have cost you a couple hundred at most. You just couldn't be bothered...and now you're paying the price! (Tell me, is having an RO against you worth more or less than a couple hundred dollars?)

 

[Proserpina]

Because i assume that people have a heart and a conscience. I am sorry for being "naive" but most people I know would feel GUILTY about sexting a guy who is dating someone. I assumed she did not know he wasn't single and gave her the benefit of the doubt. I texted her and called him. So it is not like I just let him go scott free.

You basically treated him like he was a possession. Probably didn't realize it at the time, but.. yeah. She owed you nothing - no response, no explanation, nothing. In fact, I'm surprised she even acknowledged your existence. She was boinking him, and in her mind it was none of your business what she was doing. His business? Yes. Yours? Nope.

 

[tat123]

It wouldn't have cost you thousands of dollars to get an attorney to postpone the court date, it would have cost you a couple hundred at most. You just couldn't be bothered...and now you're paying the price! (Tell me, is having an RO against you worth more or less than a couple hundred dollars?)

A couple hundred is FAR too much for something that shouldnt have even been a case. I did not commit a crime. I did not threaten anyone. I havent even MET this girl. It is absolutely ridiculous that she would force me to drop money because she feels guilty about cheating.

Again, it is glaringly obvious that getting an RO on someone is a great way to innact revenge. I did not realize the court system was so unjust.

 

[tat123]

You basically treated him like he was a possession. Probably didn't realize it at the time, but.. yeah. She owed you nothing - no response, no explanation, nothing. In fact, I'm surprised she even acknowledged your existence. She was boinking him, and in her mind it was none of your business what she was doing. His business? Yes. Yours? Nope.

Well lets see how you feel when you get cheated on

 

[Eekamouse]

Well lets see how you feel when you get cheated on

And how did you find out? By snooping, no doubt. You should not have called or texted her. SHE wasn't cheating on you. Your boyfriend was.

 

[CdwJava]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California
Someone recently issued a restraining order against me and set the court date for a day I was out of town.

I went to the courthouse to try to change the date but was told that I would need to hire a lawyer to do so, and since I never actually threatened this girl, I figured she did not have a case anyway and it wouldn't be worth spending money to hire or a lawyer or cancel my trip

You gambled and you lost.

While I issued a written rebuttel making sure to mention the plethora of lies on the order she filed, the court still issued a 2 year restraining order and i have no clue what was said in court since I was not there.

That's typical when the respondent fails to appear.

However, you are fortunate if you received a TWO YEAR order as most are given at the minimum of three. I have never seen a two year order. What distance must you remain from her?

I know this person has it out for me and has said in writing that I "belong in jail" even though I have never threatened her and now I fear that she will use this restraining order to try to trap me into going to jail (we have a lot of mutual friends and we work in similar industries so it is not unlikely that she won't "accidentally" run into me and call the police.

Incidental contact is unlikely to result in a violation. That being said, it would behoove you to conscientiously avoid any place she will be and to avoid violating the order.

Do I have a case for filing a restraining order against her if the only proof of threat I have is an email where she says i "belong in jail"?

No, you do not have grounds for an order based upon that.

Also, the restraining order notice was MAILED to me after the trial Is that even legal? Shouldn't someone have delivered it in person?

There are a number of means to provide for lawful service. You can always go to the court house and ask to see the court record and the proof of service. That proof should include a statement by an uninvolved party that he or she personally mailed the order.

I also notice that although it says it was mailed by someone I don't know in a city that is an hour away from where the person who filed the order lives...the postage stamp says South Pasadena, which is where the girl who filed the order against me lives. So it looks like she just mailed it herself.

It could have been a friend, a neighbor, a co-worker, or even a stranger. And if you do somehow manage to prove inadequate service, guess what? You'll be served again. The order will not go away.

Abide by the order for two years and be done with it.

 

[CdwJava]

so basically the law protects the person clever enough to use the law to screw someone over.
I was 100 percent sure that restraining orders were meant for people who actually physically HURT someone, not someone the you have never even met in person and just want to screw over because they used to date your boyfriend. So I am sorry for not "taking it seriously." We are not all well versed on how these things work.

Actual harm is not required. A threat of harm - either direct or indirect - can be.

Had you decided to appear in court or hired an attorney to change the court date, you could have presented the court with your argument about having never met and refuted any claims of making a threat in writing, verbally, or communicated via a third party. As it is, you did not so the written affidavit, your written response, and the plaintiff's statement are all the court has to go on.

 

[not2cleverRed]

First, I am baffled about how, if you never met the person, you think it will be difficult to avoid violating the restraining order.

Here's the problem: there are RULES about how to do things LEGALLY. If you follow the RULES, which actually do follow a pattern of reasoning, the court will favor you over someone who doesn't follow the rules - even if your argument kind of sucks.

You DID NOT follow the RULES: you did not show up, and there was no "motion to continue" (postponement) filed on your behalf. So, there's a "default judgement" granting a restraining order against you. Your "written rebuttel" has scant weight, no matter how valid your reasons. And yes, you probably could have made an effective argument if you went about things correctly.

As you seem to be ignorant of how vast your ignorance is, you would be better served to go into debt hiring a competent lawyer than doing anything pro se (representing yourself without a lawyer). If the other persons claims are silly enough, you can even sue for legal fees.

 

[Proserpina]

Well lets see how you feel when you get cheated on

Sweety, when it happened I did the normal grown-up thing - I left him, and they went on to have a three week relationship after which she sent him packing after realizing he wasn't exactly a candidate for Mr. Loyal And Faithful Of The Year. I didn't contact her - why would I? Seriously, why would I contact her? She didn't cheat on me. She made no promise to me, no vow to break.

(You're acting like you're 5 years old - you do realize that, right?)