publishing pictures

[vainla]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
NY and PA

I live in NY, our (my husband and I) employee lives across the state line in PA.

She works in our bussiness which is attached to our home. She had an affair with my husband. I fired her she won't quit and my husband will not fire her. She is very defiant and will not go. I am to get a divorce. Neither my husband nor I would live the house.

We have a little girl. This is a rural area where news travel fast and I don't want people to think I am any kind of swing weird who has no problem having her husband's mistress at her home.

The only evidence of the affair I have, are pictures that I took of my husband's cell phone with the woman's text messages. I took pictures of the phone screen, I have the cell phone bills with all the calls at very unappropriate times (middle of the night) and lenght. I fire her in person and in written. She won't go.

1- Is that enough to prove that my husband does not have the moral character to raise our daughter? I want full custody and visitation under my conditions.

2- What are the legal concecuences of making flyers with the pictures I took of my husband's cell phone and spread them around her town?

 

[quincy]

What an odd situation you find yourself in.

I definitely do not recommend making flyers. By making flyers and distributing them around the employee's hometown, you are implying facts about her of which you have no proof. Making false accusations about a person is called defamation and you could be sued.

As for proof of moral character, the fact that your husband will not fire an employee you suspect is having an affair with him is not proof that they are having an affair, nor is it proof of his moral character. You admit you HAVE no proof, only suspicions and a few text messages that are sent at odd times.

What you have in the way of evidence only indicates that you and your husband have a conflict that will potentially cost you your marriage.

I also would not get my expectations up too high if I were you when it comes to visitation arrangements on your terms and full custody of your daughter. Your husband is your daughter's father and, as such, he has an equal right to be in his (your) daughter's life. A court will ultimately determine what the custody and visitation arrangements will be, if you and your husband cannot come to a fair agreement that is in the best interests of your daughter. Your husband, in other words, will be in your daughter's life whether you want this or not.

 

[ivanl3]

What do you mean by "swing weird"? Do you mean people who live alternative lifestyles, such as "swinging"? What is "weird" about that as long as it is w/ consenting adults? Sounds like someone is little but uptight here and should get the stick out of their a$$. Who cares what others think of you anyway? Grow up.

 

[SingleMom81]

What do you mean by "swing weird"? Do you mean people who live alternative lifestyles, such as "swinging"? What is "weird" about that as long as it is w/ consenting adults? Sounds like someone is little but uptight here and should get the stick out of their a$$. Who cares what others think of you anyway? Grow up.

I'm sorry, but I fail to see any bit of legal advice in this post. Just because someone thinks that swinging is "weird", does not make them uptight. Its an opinion they have. In a relationship/marriage, it takes two people to make that decision. Its not for her. I too think its a little weird...but that doesn't mean I condemn others because they choose this lifestyle. It just means I wouldn't do it.

 

[SingleMom81]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
NY and PA


The only evidence of the affair I have, are pictures that I took of my husband's cell phone with the woman's text messages. I took pictures of the phone screen, I have the cell phone bills with all the calls at very unappropriate times (middle of the night) and lenght.

The timing of the calls doesn't matter so much as what they say. Is there any wording in the messages that strongly suggests an affair?

 

[ivanl3]

I'm sorry, but I fail to see any bit of legal advice in this post. Just because someone thinks that swinging is "weird", does not make them uptight. Its an opinion they have. In a relationship/marriage, it takes two people to make that decision. Its not for her. I too think its a little weird...but that doesn't mean I condemn others because they choose this lifestyle. It just means I wouldn't do it.

And you are entiled to your opinionm, as am I. The original poster chose to include this opnion in her original post. She also implied this opinion was motivation behinder her potential illegal action (defamation). My hope is that by seeing there are additional opinons out here besides her own, she may think twice before acting.

 

[vainla]

What do you mean by "swing weird"? Do you mean people who live alternative lifestyles, such as "swinging"? What is "weird" about that as long as it is w/ consenting adults? Sounds like someone is little but uptight here and should get the stick out of their a$$. Who cares what others think of you anyway? Grow up.

first of all you are right about swingers when there is a consent. But I did not consent my husband having sex with his office manager.

secondly I would not care much about what poeple say if my doughter were not being affected. Her piano instructor, a memeber of the church my doughter and husband go to, hasrefuse to continue teaching my doughter. My husband had the poor judgement to bring his mistress to church.
Our baby sitter, alos a memeber of the church, is not allowed to baby sit my doughter anymore, and two other kids stopped coming to play with my doughter and she is not getting invited anywhere. This is a small town with old fashion traditions. Not a big city where poeple is open minded.

You are right, swingers may be ok with some people when there is consent, but adultery is another thing. In my opinion at least.

 

[vainla]

What an odd situation you find yourself in.

I definitely do not recommend making flyers. By making flyers and distributing them around the employee's hometown, you are implying facts about her of which you have no proof. Making false accusations about a person is called defamation and you could be sued.

As for proof of moral character, the fact that your husband will not fire an employee you suspect is having an affair with him is not proof that they are having an affair, nor is it proof of his moral character. You admit you HAVE no proof, only suspicions and a few text messages that are sent at odd time


there are NOT FALSE acusations. First of all I did not suspect anything, but the woman husband did, and somehow retrieve the hot text messages they exchange. The husband has more evidence than I do. He is the one who unveiled the affair. Secondly, It was my husband who told me about the affair before the man could talk to me. Thirdly, she also accepted the affair. and lastly, the pics of the text messages, with date, time, name and phone number, are very expicit of her requesting to have phone sex and talks about sex phone. There is actually a pic of a woman's bare crotch inserting a toy in it. She send it, but I cannot prove is her crotch.

 

[quincy]

Ahhh. Well those details you have added DO make a difference. . . .but not in my advice to you about distributing the flyers.

If you were to distribute flyers, defamation may not be an issue, because what you posted would be the truth and truth is generally a pretty good defense against defamation. But courts do not always accept truth as a defense if the truth can be shown to have been published with malice (which I am thinking could be the case here).

And the flyers, if they show intimate text messages between your husband and his mistress, could be considered an invasion of privacy, publication of private matters. These messages were not sent with the understanding that they would be displayed to others. You could find yourself facing an invasion of privacy action brought against you by this employee/mistress.

Plus, it would not be seen to be in the best interests of your child if you were to make public your personal matters in that way. You are going to want to protect your daughter, as much as possible, from the mess your husband and his mistress have created.

So, distributing the flyers is just a very very bad idea all around, and I strongly advise you not to do it.

Again, you are in a very odd situation. If you are at the point of considering divorce, I suggest you speak with an attorney in your area. Go over all of the facts of your situation (including the text messages between your husband and the employee, and the "crotch-shot" sent by the employee to your husband, and the fact that this woman is continuing to work out of the office connected to your house despite your protests) to see not only how all of this can play into any custody and visitation arrangements - but perhaps to see about the possibility of a court order prohibiting this woman from coming onto your property now and/or during any divorce action that may occur in the future.

Good luck.

 

[vainla]

back again with questions. a lot of them.

As I reported before, I find out my husband was having an affair with his office manager who lives acorss the state line in PA. the office, is right in my home. I have fired this woman in all ways possible but she would not go. I even threatened her with ditributing fliers about her affair right in her town acroos the state line, I live in NY and she lives in Sugar Grave PA. Not only she wont quit, but she texted me the following.

"what is ur problem.. if I go no bussiness..."


Well, in order to protect her post, my husband served me not only with the divorce papers, but also, he has restrained me from contacting her. She comes when I am at work. He claims the affair is over and it is now strict business, but if he has been running the business for 13 yrs. with out her, how come now he can't?

My question is do I have any right to fire her? My husband started his business 13 yrs. ago, but renamed it and got proper licencing while we were married

 

[vainla]

question nuber two.

my husband started the affair in late september rigth after I visited my family out of town. Before I left, I wrote him a letter in which I pretty much detached myself from him due to many broken promises, and emotional abuse. Then we agree to stay together for the sake of our daughter until she left for college. Now my husband claims there is no infidelity because, I emotionally divorce him. He also claims the affair was only emotional to help him trough the pain of my detachment. He swears there was no sex between them. Now, that part I believe because the woman is soooo unatractive, she is older than he is, with very wrinkled chest and bad breath. Before I knew about the affair, I remember he asked me if I could advise her about a tratment for her pockmarked skin because it was repulsive to him. I guess he liked her only on the phone were he could imagine another more attractive woman. They had only phone sex according to him. My husband is usually very into looks and she is not his type at all. But then again, who knows what is going on, I found personal lubricant K-Y among her office supplies a couple weeks ago.
He also blames me because I know that the biggest fear in his life is being by alone, and I emotionally divorced him. He says he is to use that letter against me in court.

Does my letter invalidate his affair?
Is sex phone consider adultery?

 

[vainla]

question number three

The office manager, is married. I understand her husband has a gas/oil bussiness and is loaded. In at least two ocasions that I witnessed, the office manager offered to deposit a personal check of hers into my bussiness account. In those two occasions, my husband refused. However, I wonder if she has finally being able to conviced my husband to accept her money and that is why my husband cannot fire her. I know for sure, she convinced her husband to lend my husband a significant amount, but the deal fell when the affair was unvailed. (thanks God)

My question is, if she has lend money to my husband, does she acquires any rights on the bussiness?

 

[vainla]

question number four

I forgot about the idea of the fliers, mostly because I feel sorry for the poor husband. May be he doesn't really mind since he has no problem leting his cheating wife stay in touch with the object of her affection, but who really knows. Anyways, like I said before, she would come to church with my husband and daughter and he was introducing her around town as his "special firend." My husband even brought brought her to the movies and her husband came along. That before the affair was unveiled of course. Anyways, the affair was public before I knew about it, but now my husband says I am ruining his reputation and has restraining me from talking about it.

If people approach me and tell me they are sorry for what I am going through and I say thanks, am I violating the restraining order?

 

[vainla]

question number four

[Bi WAS FINALLY ABLE TO GET THE MONEY TO HIRE AN ATTORNEY, SO NO MORE QUESTIONS, BUT I WOULD LIKE TO LEAVE A COMMENT FOR ALL THOSE CHEATERS AND HOME WRECKERS. PLEASE THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU GO LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO STISFY YOUR SEXUAL NEEDS.

I ASKED THIS "OFFICE MANAGER" TO QUIT IN MANY WAYS. THEY WENT FROM CIVIL WAYS TO VERY THREATENING. MY HUSBAND AND I WERE ATTENDING MARRIAGE CONSELING TO TRY TO WORK IT OUT, FOR US AND FOR OUR DAUGHTER. THIS WOMAN, BLATANTLY AND DEFIANTLY REFUSED TO QUIT AND TOLD MY HUSBAND WE WILL GO BANKRUPCY IF SHE LEFT. SHE DID ALL SHE COULD TO DESTROY MY HOME, AND SHE SUCCEEDED.

FOR THE MONTHS THAT SHE WAS ON MY HOUSE, I WELCOMED HER, SAT HER AT MY TABLE, TRUSTED HER WITH MY MORE INTIMATE BELONGINS AND INFORMATION. SHE USED ALL INFORMATION TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME, AND I ALSO OF MY HUSBAND. SHE USED HIM TO SATISFY HER SEXUAL AND EMOTIONAL NEEDS. SHE CAME HERE CRYING TELLING HIM HOW UNHAPPY SHE WAS ON HER MARRIAGE AND HOW MEAN HER HUSBAND WAS TO HER. SHE KEPT TELLING HIM THEY BOTH NEEDED TO BREAK "FREE" TO "LIVE,LAUGH, & LOVE." (ACCORDING TO A LOVE CARD SHE GAVE HIM). SHE CLAIMED HER HUSBAND NEGLECTED HER AND I FOUND EVIDENCE OF HOW SHE INSTIGATED AGAINST ME IN MY MARRIAGE BY USING ALL THE INFORMATION SHE HAD ACCESS TO.

NOW, SHE HAS WITH HER SEXUAL NEEDS, SPLIT A LITTLE GIRL IN TWO. THE GIRL NOW HAS TO SPEND ONE NIGHT HERE, ONE NIGHT THERE, ONE HOLIDAY HERE, ONE HOLIDAY THERE BECAUSE THIS WOMAN NEEDED SOMEONE TO FILL UP HER NEEDS.

SHE CAME AND DESTROYED OUR HOME HERE IN NY AND GOES TO HER TOWN EVERY DAY, WHERE SHE IS BELIEVED TO BE SO TAME AND SWEET SHE EVEN LOOKS SUBMISSIVE. SHE IS SO MANIPULATIVE THAT HER HUSBAND, AFTER UNVEILING HER AFFAIR, STILL LETS HER STAY CLOSE TO MY HUSBAND. SHE BROKE A HOME HERE, AND GOES BACK TO HER TOWN TO A HOME WHERE SHE HAS EMASCULATED HER OWN HUSBAND AND THEN CLAIMS HE IS MEAN TO HER.

TO ALL HOMEWRCKERS OUT THERE. IF YOU NEED SEXUAL GRATIFICATION, PLEASE FIND A SINGLE PERSON, THERE IS MORE THAN THE HUSBAND/WIFE YOU ARE HURTING TO. THERE ARE INOCENT CHILDREN THAT WHO'S HEART GETS SPLIT IN TWO.[/B]