Much to fear or just a rocky path afterward?

What is the name of your state? Ohio

Our financial life is stressing the living hell out of me, and I suspect this is only the beginning, unless sudden lottery winnings fall from the sky. Yeah, there are times it seems like it'd be much more relaxing to pull the car into the garage, hook up a hose, sit back, listen to some music, and sleep the long sleep.

Where are the stories of what life is like AFTER bankruptcy? Should I have this body-numbing, panic? Will I always have it? Is post-bankruptcy just a few years of a rocky road, then things straighten out? I mean, it's up to the individual, of course, but where are all the stories of, "Thank god I made that decision"? Or do they just not exist.

Does anyone else here feel like the walls are crashing down all around them? Why does it feel like death and bankruptcy go hand-in-hand? That filing pretty much makes your life a living hell?

What do you tell people? How do you move on and succeed in your job, your life? I've read all the stories about how to start restoring credit. Does it get back to levels you once had? Or is that 10 years later?

How do you raise a family post-BK? How do you maintain and cultivate relationships?

Never mind the credit aspects. What HAPPENS after bankruptcy? What HAPPENS to the regular folk?

[Ladynred]

I think you're making your own nightmares !!

There have been plenty of people who have said 'it was a tough decision but now we're free and we're glad we did it'.

Bankruptcy and its aftermath is NOT the living hell you're making it out to be. The social stigma against it isn't anywhere NEAR what it once was. Nothing is going to prevent you from raising your family, continuing relationships with friends and relatives, or progressing in your profession. You're making a mountain out of a mole hill.

People recover their credit in far less than 10 years, buy homes, cars, RV's etc. The first couple of years you must be careful and very diligent in rebuilding, but its NOT a death sentence for 10 years !

Anyone who is contemplating bankruptcy certainly feels as if everything is crashing or has crashed down around their ears - I know I do and I'll be filing the end of this year. Being harrassed by collectors, fear of lawsuits and those consequences is a HORRIBLE way to live - you feel like you should just disconnect from the world and HIDE ! If you're not IN that situation, and you clearly are not, you have no clue, but there are plenty of others who know EXACTLY what I'm talking about .. it sucks. It interferes with every other part of your life. Bankruptcy will be no picnic, but it will let me have my life back, the fear will be gone and I won't have to feel like I should go into hiding when the phone
rings.

Regular folk move on with their lives. You have to learn a few new skills, like disputing with credit bureaus, learn some legal lingo and a few laws to stop scum collectors who *might* show up later to illegally try to collect on a discharged debt. You learn to live on CASH and within your means (if you didn't learn before you filed!). Believe me, its NOT all that difficult.

The credit industry wants you to believe that not having a fistful of credit cards is terrible - its NOT. Having Amex BLUE is NOT Nirvana.. its nothing more than MARKETING with some brainwashing thrown in that 'ya just gotta have this !' Its a BOGUS 'status symbol' they want you to swallow so they can reel you in and line their pockets.

Get a grip - bankruptcy is not going to ruin your life.. you just have to readjust it a bit.

Anyone who is contemplating bankruptcy certainly feels as if everything is crashing or has crashed down around their ears - I know I do and I'll be filing the end of this year. Being harrassed by collectors, fear of lawsuits and those consequences is a HORRIBLE way to live - you feel like you should just disconnect from the world and HIDE ! If you're not IN that situation, and you clearly are not, you have no clue, but there are plenty of others who know EXACTLY what I'm talking about .. it sucks. It interferes with every other part of your life. Bankruptcy will be no picnic, but it will let me have my life back, the fear will be gone and I won't have to feel like I should go into hiding when the phone rings.

Ladynred, I know exactly what you are talking about. It DOES suck. I tried and tried to pay the minimum payments on time. The big, black hole just kept getting deeper and deeper no matter how hard I tried. My marriage suffered. I was going crazy with worry. I would unplug the phone for days at a time.

We have only recently filed ourselves. Filing brings on an entire new set of worries. Are the creditors going to object? Will we receive a discharge? Are we going to lose our home? Did I choose the right lawyer?

I just want to get this over with, and go back to living a normal life.

[griz]

I agree with ladyinred.

If your finances are as bed as you say it won't be long before you see how CAs can make your life a real living hell.

What I don't understand is why so many people are so worried about getting there credit rating back right away. Don't they understand that CC, auto loans, and numerous other loans is what got us in the mess we are in. If the aquisition of mateial things before you can afford them gives you some sort of satisfaction then maybe you should wait untill you see the hole you are in start to collapse before you make a decision. Regardless of what decision you make just make it and run, don't look back and ask all the "what if " questions.

I myself have not filed yet but I am close. I am looking forward to the day when the money I make will be mine and not all of the creditors. Then I am sure I will have a renued energy to make a better wage. The thought of not having anything more than what they allow me to keep for a while does not bother me. It is a small price to pay for the peace of mind it will bring.

I have to admit, I don't necessarily mind the idea of slowly rebuilding my credit rating. But I understand the fears people have. Like me, you're probably a middle-class guy with a professional job. You may be on your own, not sure, or you may be like me, with a spouse and child (on the way).

The fears I have are what will THEIR life be like. The important stuff, sure, will be there. Love, compassion, support. But I want to know I can give them a home. And that we can get another home, if we want. And that I will be able to get a vehicle so I can get to work. And a safe vehicle for my wife and child.

The fears that people have are the uncertainties of BK. Your debts are wiped away, but what else? What comes out of you emotionally and physically and for how long?

I admit, what's coming out of me emotionally and physically now is terrible. To think that it could get worse post-BK because of those uncertainties is troubling. That it would get better is what people like me need to hear. Reassurance, I guess.

That's why I've been on a quest to find stories of people in similar situations leading similar lives that have faced BK and come out okay. Not stories on Web sites that tell you how horrible it is because they're selling consolidation loans. Or Web sites that say how great it is because they're also looking for business.

I think it'd make a great book, "10 People Just Like You Who Went Bankrupt And Are Just Fine."

[Elmo-1]

Personally I think bk does have a grieving process similar to a death. You certainly go through denial, frustration, anger, blame, disappointment and finally acceptance. You feel singled-out for having problems, for perceived failure and perceived limited opportunities. I’m no therapist, but any of them will tell you that grief is natural, needs expression, is poison if kept buried and is the first step to healing. Bk is a tool to heal fiscal damage, but bk itself can cause emotional damage that needs to be healed as well. Being ok with what you had to do just takes longer for some than others.

A couple of statements I read worth repeating are “sooner or later, you have to give up the dream of having a better past”. That made a lot of sense, and in the same writing was another cliché: quit living in the problem and move into the solution. Whatever coping tools you find, use them if they help.

As far as the body-numbing panic, you’ll probably get some of the feeling back when you get the debt off your shoulders. I’ve seen posts from lots of people who were extremely relieved they filed. I don’t think anyone is happy they had to, or make a big deal about it because just getting this in the rear-view mirror is helpful. Your (immediate) family can be a pretty good support group since this isn’t a decision you should be making on your own anyhow. My wife & I looked at all the options and both decided to take this route, and glad we did. At least she knows what a budget is and looks at the finances now & then.


It’s not really a rocky road (that’s an ice cream), just another road. And as you said, with a little planning things will hopefully straighten out. Another thing to remember is that credit isn’t a living, breathing member of your family. And it isn’t dead, only comatose with 100% recovery rate.

[Elmo-1]

Below are a few posts from another forum (currently down for repairs) from last Christmas. This will give you an idea of how a few people felt during a tough time of the year to be filing.

[url]http://chat-cards.com/wwwboard/bankruptcy/messages/13883.html[/url]

and from a post today at the forum's new site (also limping along)

[url]http://bankruptcy-forum.com/messages/336.html[/url]

I am about 1 year post filing and about 9 months post discharge and I can't tell you the relief! I was so worried all the time about the bills, the collectors were rude and scared me so much. They called and called, all the time! Day and Night and I dreaded hearing the phone ring. Now, nobody calls The phone doesn't ring for days! I know we need to get some friends

I was so worried people would find out....I live in a small town and thought I would be the laughing stock. How self centered was that? Nobody has ever said anything and I don't really care now if they do know. It happens. It is not a good thing, I feel bad that things were so out of control, but we never intended it to happen. We always figured we would be able to pay things off. But, it was the best decision for us. I only wish I would have done it a year earlier. I handle the finances and I kept telling my husband that I couldn't pay everything, but he didn't want to even talk about bankruptcy. It finally came to a head when I got notice that he was going to be sued for his credit card. I was just shaking and told him that something had to change. I called a lawyer that suggested a credit counseling agency, gave them a call and after about 5 minutes the lady said that there was no way, the only option was to declare bankruptcy. With that said, he finally agreed and then we went forward. It was a nerve wracking time, but the calls stopped, the bills stopped coming and after the 341 meeting ( which we totally over stressed for) it was all over but the waiting.

I can't believe that besides the house, we are debt free! Of course we need to start saving and I wish I could get a car loan if I wanted at a decent rate. But to be debt free is a gift, and I will drive cheap cars for as long as I have to.

I used to get so many credit card bills in the mail and have so many checks to write. Now, I just get the few bills and it's wonderful!

I did just get a $300 credit card in an attempt to start rebuilding credit. But with only $300 I can't get very deep in the hole

It's not pleasant to go through, but if things are really overwhleming, you will be glad you did. I do feel guilty that i had to file. I make a decent living in a respectable career. But, it was a good decision.

Thanks, Sillygirl. Any chance you'd be willing to share your story more via e-mail? If so, you can e-mail me at [email]tomten3000@yahoo.com[/email]. It's great to have the support of a board like this. And thanks, Elmo, for all the help you've been, too. Tom