Confidentuality

What is the name of your state? Georgia
My family has had its share of problems and have been in counseling. Recently one of our counselors has taken my daughter "under her wing" and shut the rest of the family out . Now my daughter has runaway and is very mean to the rest of the family . When ever I try to ask this counselor about my daughter she throws this confidentuality law in my face. Well , I am simply conserned about my daughter and want her home. I understand that the laws protect her confidentuality but this is crazy. I " as a parent " do not have the right to know why my daughter ranaway? Don't I have the right to know if the counselor had any infleunce on her running away? How do I go about checking this counselor out? Someone told me once that the counselor dose not have to tell me what they talk about but she dose have to give me a copy of any thing written in my daughters file. Is there any truth to this?

[ellencee]

zinger54
You did not state the age of your daughter or the terms of the contract for counseling services. Is this counseling court ordered or is it counseling that you found and 'hired'?

If your daughter is a minor, then the custodial parent is responsible for the child's behavior and has the right to discuss the child's status with the counselor--but!--the counselor has the right to require that the child be present and that the child give permission for the release of any of the child's confidential statements to the counselor.

If the counseling is court-ordered, there is not much you can do. If you hired the counselor and you believe the counselor is not acting in your child's or your family's best interest, then fire the counselor and find a new one.

If the counselor is through a facility such as Charter Lake, then a psychiatrist is 'over' the counselor and any problem that you have with the counselor should be addressed with the supervising psychiatrist. The psychiatrist should readily recognize that the line between objective counseling and sympathetic counseling has been breached if indeed the counselor has become less objective and more of a friend or surrogate parent. It is unacceptable for the counselor to cross that line and it should be reported. You may simply not have the authority to do so; I have no way of knowing if you do or not. (From your post, I did not infer that you are the custodial parent. If you do not have primary custody or joint custody you may not be entitled to do anything.)

If the counselor is independent with no psychiatrist in a supervisory role, then you will have to deal directly with the counselor. You have the option of sending a letter of complaint to the state's licensing board. You do not need to be in any 'position' to file a complaint; you have that right no matter how the counseling was obtained.

Children that run away out of fear for their safety usually run to a source of protection and security. Children who run away for other reasons are 'acting out', which in layman's terms means they are showing their rears in an effort to prove they can do what they want to do when they want to do it and no one can stop them.

I suspect your child has done the latter and is now both more happy and more miserable as a result. Your child has effectively angered you with everyone but her or him. Your child has you looking for 'who did this to my child' instead of looking at the child and seeing bad behavior for what it is. Your child is manipulating you and only you can put a stop to that. Instead of getting mad and focusing on the behavior of others, try to stay calm and focused on your child's behavior. Furhter fighting or conflict will only empower your child to act out again and again.

If you and your child's other parent are caught in the pattern of fighting over everything, I encourage you to withdraw from the battle. The child is gaining more and more power over the adults and the child is not capable of handling such large responsibilities and weilding so much control over the family. For the sake of your child, let go of any effort to control the other parent or the actions of the other parent and simply be the best parent you can be at any given moment.

Best wishes,
EC

She is 17 yrs. old. The counseling I paid for and you bet I fired her. I hired her to help us. Thanks for the advice , I assure you that she has a safe home here . Right now her mother and I are just trying to be here for her . And looking for that right counselor that can help us through these tuff times. You Know something really odd? **************...Its your quote **************My daughter has that very same quote on a bumper sticker on her car!....Doo Dee Doo Doo

[ellencee]

zinger54
She's 17? You're almost home safe. Hang in there for about 3 more years and your child will return to her body and oust the demon-teenager personality that has taken over.

And, she has my quote on her car's bumpersticker?! Maybe that's her statement to you and the rest of the world; she isn't lost; she has places to go and things to see and do.

I forgot to tell you that you are not entitled to a copy of her counseling records or to the information that is contained in the records. Confidentiality laws of counseling, psychology, or psychiatric treatment are very complex and varied.

I'm glad your daughter came back home. In GA, most of the time, the police will not help you find a 17 year-old who has left home unless the child is considered an 'endangered run-away', which means the child left with a person known to be a danger to themselves and/or others or the child is in need of medical treatment (such as for diabetes or seizures).

If you truly believe that the counselor breached her professional duty to your daughter by intentionally alienating your child from her family, then by all means, report the counselor to the appropriate state licensing board.

Best wishes,
EC

Oh but the police will help you , the laws in georgia changed as of June 30. The police did get her and she did have to spend one night in RYDC. She thought that the police would help her and threatened us with that. She even called and asked a Hall co. deputy and he didn't even know that the laws had changed.

You have done one thing the right way. You fired that "counsellor".

Now do the next right thing. Go to your kid's school and ask to see the guidance counsellor there. She may give you some worthwhile clues. Use the obvious approach. You do not say anything about why your daughter went to counselling, and that means that maybe you don't know. The school knows.

I'm not sure if I understand Jack , what dose the school know?
Why she ran away? I dont think I follow you. Please reply.

Thanks
Paul

[ellencee]

Oh but the police will help you , the laws in georgia changed as of June 30.

zinger54

I am glad to hear that! I hope the law works well and the police are able to bring home teenagers who run away. I also hope the RYDC continues to have room for the runaways to stay until the parents come for them.

I'm afraid it will soon be back to not enough officers and not enough room in RYDC for the police to find and hold teenage runaways. Hopefully it will last long enough to erase the notion that teenagers can do what they please and the law will not intervene.

Please post the name of the law, or the 'number'; I'd like to read the law and have it 'bookmarked' for future reference.

EC

*School districts, or at least most of them, have psychologists. Their working title is usually guidance counsellors. These people are called upon by teachers to deal with children having difficulties. I suspect someone in your daughter's school district knew your daughter and had spoken to her. They will have information that may help you.
I have not seen any evidence that anyone on this web site is qualified to help you. Go to your girl's last school and speak to the principal and ask if you can talk to the school's guidance counsellor. You will learn a lot if that person has ever talked to your daughter.

[ellencee]

zinger
One quick phone call to the school will provide you with information regarding confidentiality and you will find the school's counselor or school nurse, not the guidance counselor (curriculum counselor) will tell you that they are bound by the same confidentiality laws as they would be in any other setting.

Your daughter is the only one who could possibly tell you why she ran away; the trouble is--she may not really know why she acted like she did.

EC

Ellencee:
You are quite wrong. This woman needs to talk to her girl's school. The people at her school know far more than you can imagine and their job is to help that girl. No doubt that family has some serious problems and so far the family has failed that girl. The school will talk to that mother.
Now perhaps no one can help that girl now. She is 17, but maybe by baving someone in that school talk to that mother other children in that family will be helped.
I come from a family of professional educators and I know what goes on in schools This is NOT a job for any school nurse. It is a job for a school psychologist. That is a profession.
Mother: go to your daughter's school and get some help.

OK Jack , I will go to the school wether either of you are right or wrong it can't hurt to ask . I need all the input I can get. Speaking of input I don't suppose either of you (Ellencee or jack) could possibly give me some insight on how we have failed our daughter ? Jack F.Y.I. I am the dad in this family. Also I want to thank both of you for your time and help.

Zinger

[ellencee]

Well, Jack, I'm from GA and still have a residence there as well as numerous family members and friends there, including educators on local and state levels. GA is not California. It is no where near as big and nowhere near as rich--oh, but your state has a huge deficit, I forgot. Arnold should fix that right up for you, though. (The recall and election was great TV; my thanks to all Californians for the break from the usual TV fare.) Still California schools are not the same as GA schools.

Zinger's child is in a GA school and not every school in GA has a nurse or a psychologist in the school at all times. In GA, strict confidentiality laws apply to school nurses and counselors or psychologists, but not to guidance counselors (which are academic counselors).

Talking with teachers is a different thing; the parent can talk to the teachers.

Zinger,
You may want to talk to your daughter's teachers about how she interacts with others her age and with the teaching staff. Your daughter probably functions well at school and interacts normally. While you may gain valuable information about your daughter, you may violate her trust in you and in her 'safety net' of school. School is a society of adolescents and you will be entering her domain in order to 'spy' on her. She won't see it any other way. Of course, if your daughter is in danger, then go ahead and violate her domain for her own protection.

You didn't fail your daughter. Actually, a teen that feels confident enough to run away is not necessarily a teen 'in trouble'. Obviously, she has self-confidence and a strong sense of her impending release from parental control. She just doesn't have the life-skills necessary to cope with everything and act in a way that does not make the situation worse. If she were involved in gangs, drugs, theft, etc., it still wouldn't mean it was your fault.

Somewhere, several years ago, I read a quote by someone famous who was talking about life and how we are expected to perform, publicly, to everyone's satisfaction and pleasure without having ever lived before and learned how to do it right. It was something like, 'life is like playing concert piano at Carnegie Hall without ever having taken a lesson'. So, if you've never been your current age before with your current life situations, and you are doing the best you can, give yourself a break.

I'm betting you and your wife laid a good foundation for the family and brought the child up right. She has not forgotten what she was taught. One day, she'll probably look back on all of this and wonder how and why you could put up with her behavior and still want the best for her; then, she'll have children of her own who become teenagers and she'll know how you did it.

Hang in there!
EC

EC
It seems that you know which way you are going and by no means are you lost.You have been blunt , To the piont , honest(I can tell by the strenght and confidence in your words) , very Informative and at the same time..... helpful. You have given me a diffrent perspective on this whole ordeal and for that I thank you . Give yourself an aplause.

zinger

PS. I will try to find her paper work and get you that law name and number.

[ellencee]

zinger
Thank you for the compliment and for the law information. I am truly glad that GA has taken this step in bringing home runaways and putting a stop to the 'I can runaway and you can't stop me' behavior among teenagers.

EC