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Abandonment Issues

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Brenda Sue

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? Tennessee

On October 11th 2003,I married a man I had dated for 6 months who claimed to have no living relatives, he also claimed to be a recovering (15 years) alcoholic and drug addict. We married so quickly because my father was dying of Cancer and we wanted him to walk me down the aisle. This man did everything right...he asked my parents and my church if he could ask me for my hand in marriage (telling everyone of his undying love for me) and even proposed to me in front of my congregation! It was a whirlwind and I got caught up in it. The night of our Honeymoon his behavior began to get suspicious and wierd. He kept hiding in the bathroom! Four days after the wedding he came into our home completely enraged and tore it apart and then attempted to attack me! He began talking about aliens, the FBI, the CIA and microwaves dissolving our brain waves! He slipped out at night and came in at all hours of the morning. He started (week one) screaming in his sleep and kicking and punching! Any amount of questioning was ment with outragous and volatile behavior. Exactly 3 weeks after the wedding without any notice he completly vanished! I filed police reports and his junker car was found abandoned and partially set fire to with his wedding band on the front seat. The Police claimed to spend a few days searching for him and hen said they were closing the Missing Persons case due to "a witness" saying they saw him walking out of town with a backpack! He left behind all his belongings, including his glasses and bottom teeth! He didn't so much as take a comb! Meanwhile his bosses who were paying him "under the table" claimed he also left with over $3000.00 in cash which they refused to file a report on! The neighborhood came alive with stories about him sneaking out to smoke weed, shoot heroin and drink (alcohol) on a constant basis. A few of the female neighbors (who didn't know each other) came forward to say that days before the wedding he asked them what would happen if he was to get married and already BE MARRIED in other states. (Which brought to mind his astonishment that the courthouse didn't require divorce papers when signing for the marraige certificate.) I called several Lawyers and was told I could do nothing but wait on him to return and sign the divorce papers. I believe I was told this because at the time I was only employed part time and had no savings to draw from to pay a lawyer.

It has been since the first of November 2003 without a word or a sign. I really want to get a divorce and get this ended. I have begun working full time in a retail job and going to school. Please help me. What can I do?
 
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Shay-Pari'e

Senior Member
(QUOTE)willful and continued desertion of either of the parties for the term of one year;(QUOTE)

What are you waiting for? Divorce the guy.
 

Brenda Sue

Junior Member
I am assumming that is quoted from Tennessee law? I was waiting on just such information. Also, I am waiting for advice on how to go about filing without a lawyer. I have absolutely no idea what to do next. Thats why I am on here. If you could give more detailed info I would greatly appreciate it. I have limited funds. What do I do next? Thanks so much. :confused:
 

Shay-Pari'e

Senior Member
You high tail it to your local court house, and you visit the "Family Law division". They can guide you. You really do have a messed up story, and I am rather shocked how you did not persue this absent man, and file much sooner.

Good Luck.
 

Shay-Pari'e

Senior Member
Brenda Sue said:
I am assumming that is quoted from Tennessee law? I was waiting on just such information. Also, I am waiting for advice on how to go about filing without a lawyer. I have absolutely no idea what to do next. Thats why I am on here. If you could give more detailed info I would greatly appreciate it. I have limited funds. What do I do next? Thanks so much. :confused:
Yes, TN. law.
 

Brenda Sue

Junior Member
Well....
Besides being blind sided and never having had this experience before...I have had no solid advice from local attourneys. Everyone I tried to speak to sent me to someone else! I was told I would have to pay a huge fee, get a private detective, run a page newspaper ad for six weeks....all kinds of crazy stuff! It has taken me this entire year to get on my feet, pay back all the people I had to borrow from and become independent! Financially I have not had the ablity to pay for legal advice. I stumbled on this whole abandonment thing by accident searching the web! I really would like to get closure now.
Thanks again.
 

cyana24

Member
From Divorcesource.com

LEGAL GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE: No-Fault: (1) Irreconcilable differences if: [a] there has been no denial of this ground; the spouses submit a properly signed marital dissolution agreement (see below under Simplified or Special Divorce Procedures); or [c] this grounds for divorce is combined with a general fault-based grounds or (2) living separate and apart without cohabitation for 2 years when there are no minor children. [Tennessee Code Annotated; Volume 6A, Title 36, Sections 36-4-101 and 36-4-103]

General: (1) Impotence; (2) adultery; (3) conviction of a felony and imprisonment; (4) alcoholism and/or drug addiction(5) wife is pregnant by another at the time of marriage without husband's knowledge; (6) willful desertion for 1 year; (7) bigamy; (8) endangering the life of the spouse; (9) conviction of an infamous crime; (10) refusing to move to Tennessee with a spouse and willfully absenting oneself from a new residence for 2 years; (11) cruel and inhuman treatment or unsafe and improper marital conduct; (12) indignities that make the spouse's life intolerable; and (13) abandonment, neglect, or banning the spouse from the home. [Tennessee Code Annotated; Volume 6A, Title 36, Section 36-4-101].

You would file under the General section. "Grounds" (4) and especially (6) are the ones that fit best. If you have no idea where he lives you will likely have to "serve" him by an alternate means such as publication. You can probably ask the Family Court Clerk this question.
 

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