advice about husband's girlfriend

[mellgolec]

What is the name of your state? oregon.

Is there anything I can do about my soon-to-be ex-husband's girlfriend. She tells lies to the children and does not let me speak to them on the phone when they are visiting. She has also tried to fight me.

Thanks for your response,

Mell

 

[djohnson]

What do you want to do about her? I take it you are the CP and on his visitations is when she won't let you talk to them. Have you talked to him about this and showed him in the custody papers where it says you can do this? Are these calls numerous to be annoying to his time or just occasionally? What do you mean by she tries to fight you? Physically or just verbally?

 

[mellgolec]

I have talked to him about this and that the papers say no interference in calls to the children, but he says f*** off! I only call them 1 time to say goodnight. She slams the phone down on me and then tells my children there was no one on the phone. When I say she tries to fight me, I mean she has beat on my car window, telling me to get out. She has gotten right up in my face and told me I cannot say good-bye to my kids without going through her first, and numerous other things. I am trying to do what is best for my kids, but I am not sure what that is.

 

[MsMesha]

Since you are the CP you have a considerable amount of time with the children in comparision to the NCP. I would suggest that you dont call when the kids are visiting him. Ive been in a similar situation, without the threat of physical violence, and found that calling to check on my kids only made things worst. When I would call to check on them the "girlfriend" would start fights with him in front of my kids. I stopped calling and things settled down a bit.

 

[mellgolec]

Thanks for the advice! I have tried it both ways and when I DON'T call, my husband or his girlfriend, end up calling and harassing me. I am at a loss as to what to do!

 

[MsMesha]

I have indeed been here, done it already!! Do you have caller id? If not, get it, it was a life saver for me. If you have it, use it, avoid the calls. Get voice mail to retrieve messages just in case the kids are ill or need you. You can also try giving your ex an alternate number to phone if the kids need you in some way or in case of emergencies. When my ex's girlfriend would give me a hard time by calling me and harassing me, with his permission, I would look at my caller id/call waiting id before answering. He had an alternate number to contact, my mom, which whom he didnt and still dont play with, to call just in case of an emergency. Keep your head up, this too shall pass, trust me!

Once she get used to the idea that you wont be going anywhere things will eventually calm down.

 

[djohnson]

I agree, this is probably still a new thing and a routine involving all of you hasn't settled yet. If she is threatening phisical violence I would get a restraining order though and that would make the bio dad work around the way things are now during drop off and pick up times. Does he call every night when you have them? How would that make you feel? I think not calling since they are not there that long would be the best thing to do and then if a call comes in from them you have to answer it because your kids are there and you never know I would answer by saying "This call is being recorded" even if its not they don't know that and if they think you are recording them and it could used against them they will think twice about it. Might not work but it might and is probably worth a shot. Good Luck.