agh said:
I live in NC. I was married in WV, but have lived here with only my daughter for almost 9 years. I do not know how to get in touch with my husband and do not want to have to let him know exactly where we are. I was in a situation of domestic violence when I left. He has not seen us since I left WV. I want to divorce him so I could draw up papers leaving custody of my 9-year old daughter to my parents should anything happen to me. Where should I go to file, and do I need to find him in order to get my divorce?
My response:
The divorce part of this equation will be easy - - relatively speaking, of course. No, you don't need to locate your husband, although you will need to make an effort to do so. But, if you're unable to locate him, your State, like every State, has methods for giving "Notice" by Publication. You must follow the statutory rules for doing this. You'll find instructions for this, and all proper procedures, by buying a good "How-To" book on Divorce in your local bookstore, in their "Legal Section", and following the directions.
However, the bigger issue is your child, and your wishes to leave your child to someone via your Will in the event of your death during your child's minority. You can't, unfortunately, make this decision for your husband via your Will. A biological parent always has custodial rights in the event of death of one of the parents. Any clause in your Will giving your child to a third person, without your husband's approval, will be, and must be, ignored in favor of your husband's Constitutional rights to be a parent.
So, unless your husband has been adjudged "unfit" by a court of law, and has had his parental rights terminated prior to your death, your daughter will immediately be placed into her father's hands at the time of your death.
I might suggest to you that you try having his rights terminated for "cause" as soon as possible - - if your husband's failure to obtain visitation with your daughter has been purposeful. But, if you've been "hiding" your daughter, or have hid your daughter, from your husband, I rather doubt this procedure will be possible for you.
Good luck, and make sure you see a local Family Law attorney for a proper guide-path before you go to your grave thinking that you're protected - - when, in fact, you're not.
IAAL
