Affair and Living at Home Questions

[simplydt]

What is the name of your state? Washington

Last Sept. 24th, I found out that my wife was still having an affair while lying that it had been over for two months. I told her that since she was making her choices and that it was obvious that she did not want to work on our marriage, I wanted her to stay at a friend's house. She had been saying for weeks that she wanted to be separated so I only thought I was doing what she wanted to do in the first place. I told her I didn't want her to come back until she was willing to work on the marriage. We have 4 children. I told her that she could stay at our house anytime she wanted to be with the kids. It was open 24/7 for her. I was not going to stop her from being with the kids and I never did. It ended up that she would be at the house each day from sunrise to late at night, all on her own free will. I was fine with her staying basically to what amounted to all day at our house. What I didn't want was for her to be spending the nights at the house while the affair was still going on. This went on for about 3 months until New Year's. It was then she said I had kicked her out and I had no legal right to do that. Plus, it was getting old staying at her friend's house. She moved back in January. I reluctantly agreed for two reasons, the affair had ended in November and she said she was willing to go to marriage counseling. But at our third marriage counseling in mid-January, she said she wanted a divorce. It's now mid-March and she's still at the house. She's been having difficulties making enough money to move out and I don't have the means to help her. It's been very difficult for me living with someone this long who wants nothing to do with you. My questions are:
1. Did I really "kick" her out as she says? I believed along with other friends of mine that she had kicked herself out when she continued to have the affair.
2. Did I have any legal right to ask her to leave? Please remember, I never prevented her from coming over to be with the kids. Open 24/7.
3. The marriage counselor told her that she was "staying out of convenience". Can she do this? She's the one who wants the divorce, not me. I want so much for this marriage to work but why should this unhealthy environment continue?

(we are renters, do not own the home)

Thanks for any answers you can give me.

 

[stealth2]

Is her name also on the lease? Then she has every right to stay at the home.

 

[Kansas4me]

My brother was in the same situation as you. He had filed for divorce and got custody of the kids, but because of some of the wording onthe papers, the lawyer advised him not to have her removed. When they went back to court (I should say HE as she never even got a lawyer or showed up at any court dates) the final judgement was entered and the divorce was printed in the paper. When she saw it she went berserk and the police had her removed. I don't envy you, I couldn't do it!

 

[Starry809]

(Im in Washington state too)

agreed: if her name is on the lease, you cant "remove" her. BUT you can 'ask' (as you did), and sounds like she agreed to leave until SHE decided to work on the marriage.
If she stayed at the home, married to you, sleeping elsewhere, she basically got her cake and ate it too. (which is what she wanted in the first place.. right?)
She "moved back in" when the affair "ended". per your terms.

shes decided she wants a divorce.

she cant afford to move... ok. then you move. remove your name from the lease so you cant be held responsible. If the landlord wont do it because youre both on the lease , then you BOTH have to move (or get a court order stating one of you is leaving and give it to the landlord.). If your lease isnt up, youll both be responsible for paying the remaining lease amounts. (eeek), unless the court orders one to move, then the other will be responsible. If she leaves, problem solved. If she doesnt and you do, and she doesnt pay the rent, trashes the place, or anything, you are responsible.

1) you didnt kick her out.
2) you can "legally" ask anyone to do anything. Whether or not they do it is up to them.
3) yes, she is staying out of convenience, but I think you already know that.
she cant afford to move out. has no place to go. and if you think.... im betting boyfriend dumped HER, not vice versa, otherwise why wouldnt she go there is shes so unhappy where she is?
the unhealthy environment shouldnt go on, youre right. not healthy for you, and especially not the kids.
If she wants a divorce, file. Ask for the place of residence, so you dont have to move. ask for custody, if you want it. ask the courts to have her move from the premises. (in the summons, you can request this).

If you want a lawyer, or think she will contest, I know a great one in Washington. I dont know what city you are in though. might be too far.
If you can both agree to divorce, itll be easy and cheap. otherwise, $$$

good luck!

What is the name of your state? Washington

Last Sept. 24th, I found out that my wife was still having an affair while lying that it had been over for two months. I told her that since she was making her choices and that it was obvious that she did not want to work on our marriage, I wanted her to stay at a friend's house. She had been saying for weeks that she wanted to be separated so I only thought I was doing what she wanted to do in the first place. I told her I didn't want her to come back until she was willing to work on the marriage. We have 4 children. I told her that she could stay at our house anytime she wanted to be with the kids. It was open 24/7 for her. I was not going to stop her from being with the kids and I never did. It ended up that she would be at the house each day from sunrise to late at night, all on her own free will. I was fine with her staying basically to what amounted to all day at our house. What I didn't want was for her to be spending the nights at the house while the affair was still going on. This went on for about 3 months until New Year's. It was then she said I had kicked her out and I had no legal right to do that. Plus, it was getting old staying at her friend's house. She moved back in January. I reluctantly agreed for two reasons, the affair had ended in November and she said she was willing to go to marriage counseling. But at our third marriage counseling in mid-January, she said she wanted a divorce. It's now mid-March and she's still at the house. She's been having difficulties making enough money to move out and I don't have the means to help her. It's been very difficult for me living with someone this long who wants nothing to do with you. My questions are:
1. Did I really "kick" her out as she says? I believed along with other friends of mine that she had kicked herself out when she continued to have the affair.
2. Did I have any legal right to ask her to leave? Please remember, I never prevented her from coming over to be with the kids. Open 24/7.
3. The marriage counselor told her that she was "staying out of convenience". Can she do this? She's the one who wants the divorce, not me. I want so much for this marriage to work but why should this unhealthy environment continue?

(we are renters, do not own the home)

Thanks for any answers you can give me.