Alcoholic Husband - too Broke to get divorced

[Mandeena]

I am in desperate need of help. I'm married to an alcoholic and want to kick him out and get a divorce, but it's not so simple.

Four years ago his grandfather financed our house and then passed away the following spring. My husband quit his job and took up drinking full time. He has not worked since then. I got so behind on my pre-marriage debts that I filed chapter 13 bankruptcy that summer. My mother in law is now who we are supposed to be making mortgage payments to, and since she is the definition of an enabler, we have gotten away with not paying the mortgage payments for the past 3 and half years. She has also purchased two vehicles for us in that time period, both of which were put in my husband's name. I am trying to find a better paying job, but at my current job I am a few hundred dollars short of being able to start paying the mortgage and a car payment to my mother in law.
Every day I come home to a filthy house and a drunk husband. I can't do it anymore. I won't be done with my bankruptcy payments until next spring, and I honestly don't see my patience lasting that long. My husband has never been physically abusive but has threatened me in the past when I refused to buy him my alcohol and is regularly verbally abusive while drunk. He once called the cops on me because I wouldn't give him the keys to our truck (the cops were obviously on my side). I have accepted the fact the the dream of him getting sober isn't going to come true, and I want so badly to start a new chapter of my life without him in it.
My question is.... What is the best course of action to take to get on with my life and not lose my house? I'm sure the process will get ugly because he is not likely to accept an agreed divorce, but I do not have financial means to hire a lawyer. Are there any assistance programs for people in mentally abusive relationships? Please... Any guidance would be greatly appreciated.

 

[LdiJ]

I am in desperate need of help. I'm married to an alcoholic and want to kick him out and get a divorce, but it's not so simple.

Four years ago his grandfather financed our house and then passed away the following spring. My husband quit his job and took up drinking full time. He has not worked since then. I got so behind on my pre-marriage debts that I filed chapter 13 bankruptcy that summer. My mother in law is now who we are supposed to be making mortgage payments to, and since she is the definition of an enabler, we have gotten away with not paying the mortgage payments for the past 3 and half years. She has also purchased two vehicles for us in that time period, both of which were put in my husband's name. I am trying to find a better paying job, but at my current job I am a few hundred dollars short of being able to start paying the mortgage and a car payment to my mother in law.
Every day I come home to a filthy house and a drunk husband. I can't do it anymore. I won't be done with my bankruptcy payments until next spring, and I honestly don't see my patience lasting that long. My husband has never been physically abusive but has threatened me in the past when I refused to buy him my alcohol and is regularly verbally abusive while drunk. He once called the cops on me because I wouldn't give him the keys to our truck (the cops were obviously on my side). I have accepted the fact the the dream of him getting sober isn't going to come true, and I want so badly to start a new chapter of my life without him in it.
My question is.... What is the best course of action to take to get on with my life and not lose my house? I'm sure the process will get ugly because he is not likely to accept an agreed divorce, but I do not have financial means to hire a lawyer. Are there any assistance programs for people in mentally abusive relationships? Please... Any guidance would be greatly appreciated.

I suspect that you will not be able to keep the house. I suspect that the situation is not realistic and on top of that, it does not appear that you can actually afford the mortgage.

 

[Silverplum]

Name of your US state?

 

[stealth2]

I suspect that you will not be able to keep the house. I suspect that the situation is not realistic and on top of that, it does not appear that you can actually afford the mortgage.

I'm thinking the same. I wouldn't count on keeping either car, either.

I'm hoping you do not have a child with him. *I* would focus less on a higher-paying job and find a second job, saving up that money to pay for a divorce and a place to live.

 

[drruthless]

You are not alone

I am in desperate need of help. I'm married to an alcoholic and want to kick him out and get a divorce, but it's not so simple.

Four years ago his grandfather financed our house and then passed away the following spring. My husband quit his job and took up drinking full time. He has not worked since then. I got so behind on my pre-marriage debts that I filed chapter 13 bankruptcy that summer. My mother in law is now who we are supposed to be making mortgage payments to, and since she is the definition of an enabler, we have gotten away with not paying the mortgage payments for the past 3 and half years. She has also purchased two vehicles for us in that time period, both of which were put in my husband's name. I am trying to find a better paying job, but at my current job I am a few hundred dollars short of being able to start paying the mortgage and a car payment to my mother in law.
Every day I come home to a filthy house and a drunk husband. I can't do it anymore. I won't be done with my bankruptcy payments until next spring, and I honestly don't see my patience lasting that long. My husband has never been physically abusive but has threatened me in the past when I refused to buy him my alcohol and is regularly verbally abusive while drunk. He once called the cops on me because I wouldn't give him the keys to our truck (the cops were obviously on my side). I have accepted the fact the the dream of him getting sober isn't going to come true, and I want so badly to start a new chapter of my life without him in it.
My question is.... What is the best course of action to take to get on with my life and not lose my house? I'm sure the process will get ugly because he is not likely to accept an agreed divorce, but I do not have financial means to hire a lawyer. Are there any assistance programs for people in mentally abusive relationships? Please... Any guidance would be greatly appreciated.

Yes, it is called AL anon. It is a support group made up of people like you who meet on a regular basis who are having to deal with wives, husbands, or children who abuse alcohol. It will cost you nothing but your time. GO!!

 

[commentator]

My heartfelt sympathies. You can't kick him out because he won't go and he has no place to go. You can't leave yourself because you don't have the means. You will have to make all the moves here, and since the whole house situation is so heartily involved with his family, etc. (and rest assured, the enabling momma WILL hire him a good attorney to keep you from getting anything if you cease to caretake for her problem child) it is very doubtful there is any hope of your being able to do anything but walk away.

I also heartily endorse Al-anon. It's free, and it is a tremendous help in putting your life and your priorities in order so you can get away from this.

Yes, it's emotional abuse, but it is totally by your consent. Save up your money. A good lawyer is a great savings objective for you right now. You should get to take out at least one of the vehicles.

And by the way, don't be a bit surprised if your husband suddenly starts wanting to have a baby, or tries to get you pregnant or tells you he'll stop drinking if you have a baby. If it appears he might lose his drinking tool, which is what you are to him, he'll go all out to keep you.

 

[tuffbrk]

You don't mention your state. You don't mention the length of the marriage. You don't mention how long you have been supporting your husband.

 

[LCMoon]

Many people don't seem to do enough research! There are ways to get a divorce for FREE. If you LEAVE HIM, apply for welfare in every form, section 8, TANF, food stamps. Do what you NEED to do. THEN, look up INDIGENT laws for your state and many times over ALL of your fees for filing a petition for divorce could be waived. You could automatically be approved by showing evidence of your eligibility for these welfare programs! Sometimes going hungry for a few days is worth the chance at a new life. It's about how bad you want it. If everything is in his name and you have no kids you can file the simplest divorce form possible to make it easiest on you. Fresh is best! You could also file the more complicated divorce forms that include property and request that you receive one of the vehicles. Perhaps even make him pay for it still. Especially if you show it was a highly abusive situation that you were forced to leave for your well being. But I wouldn't even try for the house. You would be foolish to honestly think you could maintain that amount of debt on your own.

 

[stealth2]

LCMoon... OP has not been back since her original post. Six weeks ago. That's one reason we frown on replying to old posts. Please refrain, Thank you.

 

[LdiJ]

I am in desperate need of help. I'm married to an alcoholic and want to kick him out and get a divorce, but it's not so simple.

Four years ago his grandfather financed our house and then passed away the following spring. My husband quit his job and took up drinking full time. He has not worked since then. I got so behind on my pre-marriage debts that I filed chapter 13 bankruptcy that summer. My mother in law is now who we are supposed to be making mortgage payments to, and since she is the definition of an enabler, we have gotten away with not paying the mortgage payments for the past 3 and half years. She has also purchased two vehicles for us in that time period, both of which were put in my husband's name. I am trying to find a better paying job, but at my current job I am a few hundred dollars short of being able to start paying the mortgage and a car payment to my mother in law.
Every day I come home to a filthy house and a drunk husband. I can't do it anymore. I won't be done with my bankruptcy payments until next spring, and I honestly don't see my patience lasting that long. My husband has never been physically abusive but has threatened me in the past when I refused to buy him my alcohol and is regularly verbally abusive while drunk. He once called the cops on me because I wouldn't give him the keys to our truck (the cops were obviously on my side). I have accepted the fact the the dream of him getting sober isn't going to come true, and I want so badly to start a new chapter of my life without him in it.
My question is.... What is the best course of action to take to get on with my life and not lose my house? I'm sure the process will get ugly because he is not likely to accept an agreed divorce, but I do not have financial means to hire a lawyer. Are there any assistance programs for people in mentally abusive relationships? Please... Any guidance would be greatly appreciated.

I think that you are going to have to accept that you are going to lose your house. Its owned by his mother and she is not going to give it to you or let you buy it from her.

You should be able to keep the car that you are driving, but that is not a given either as she is likely to claim that both cars were gifts to her son only.

If you can hold out until your bankruptcy is final, so that you have more disposable income, you would be in a better position to move out and get your own place and car.