Alimony Questions

[shellybear]

What is the name of your state? CT

I have a few questions regarding alimony and his student loan so please be patient with me.

My husband abandonded me and my two kids, leaving the state, back in June. He is asking for alimony in court. Obviously, due to circumstances, I do not believe he deserves a cent, but that's just my opinion.

We were married for 18 years. I have an associates degree from an internet college, he has a BSW from a 4 year university. I did make more than him when he worked. He took out student loans to pay for school. I worked full time while he worked part time up until his last year of school. The only reason he was able to work full time was because he was in a paid internship. Should I mention that during this time, I did some of his assignments for him?

Since 1994, he has had 8 jobs. 3 of those jobs he was fired from because he of his poor work ethics and did things the way he wanted, not the way he was suppose to do them. The other 5 jobs, he left shortly before he was fired. They were all headed that way. I know this because I had three of these bosses called me out of concern knowing we had a small child. Also, I was friends with some of his coworkers and they have enlightened me as to how he would disappear for hours and come back appearing intoxicated (from pot).

From 2003 until 2006, he spent 20 of those months collecting unemployment, not looking for work. I was the one who scoured the internet looking for a job for him. He wouldn't even go to the local store to do something part-time until he could find a full-time job. When he should have been looking for work he was sitting in his room smoking pot and did not decrease spending on this while the income decreased by 1/2.

My questions are these:

1. Is any of this going to mean squat when it comes to my defense as to why I should not have to pay alimony?

2. He wants me to split the student loan bill ($100,000) yet we did not see any return on this investment. Statistically speaking, what are the chances the judge might rule in his favor for this?

3. Is it illegal, and would it even make a difference, for me to contact his prior employers and get letters from them regarding his work ethics?

And by the way, I cannot afford an attorney. Working towards it but highly unlikely before my first court date next month. According to what I've read online, we go in front of the judge and he will ask us if we have come to an agreement on things (No) and then will send us to a mediator. Once that is done, we will go back in front of the judge and tell him if we settled. I have the understanding that if we do not settle at that time, we will be assigned a trial date. Am I close? And do I need all my evidence for the mediation or keep it for a trial?

Sorry this is so long but thanks for any help you can give me.What is the name of your state?

[Silverplum]

Originally Posted by shellybear

What is the name of your state? CT
I have a few questions regarding alimony and his student loan so please be patient with me.
My husband abandonded me and my two kids, leaving the state, back in June. He is asking for alimony in court. Obviously, due to circumstances, I do not believe he deserves a cent, but that's just my opinion.
We were married for 18 years. I have an associates degree from an internet college, he has a BSW from a 4 year university. I did make more than him when he worked. He took out student loans to pay for school. I worked full time while he worked part time up until his last year of school. The only reason he was able to work full time was because he was in a paid internship. Should I mention that during this time, I did some of his assignments for him?

No. It's not relevant.

Originally Posted by shellybear

Since 1994, he has had 8 jobs. 3 of those jobs he was fired from because he of his poor work ethics and did things the way he wanted, not the way he was suppose to do them. The other 5 jobs, he left shortly before he was fired. They were all headed that way. I know this because I had three of these bosses called me out of concern knowing we had a small child. Also, I was friends with some of his coworkers and they have enlightened me as to how he would disappear for hours and come back appearing intoxicated (from pot).

From 2003 until 2006, he spent 20 of those months collecting unemployment, not looking for work. I was the one who scoured the internet looking for a job for him. He wouldn't even go to the local store to do something part-time until he could find a full-time job. When he should have been looking for work he was sitting in his room smoking pot and did not decrease spending on this while the income decreased by 1/2.

My questions are these:

1. Is any of this going to mean squat when it comes to my defense as to why I should not have to pay alimony?

Some. Not most. Talk to an attorney when spousal support is on the table -- unless you want to learn how to defend yourself within a few months.

Originally Posted by shellybear

2. He wants me to split the student loan bill ($100,000) yet we did not see any return on this investment. Statistically speaking, what are the chances the judge might rule in his favor for this?

I don't know. Perhaps someone else does. You're best off doing your own research in your own area -- judges vary widely in their beliefs and how they interpret the law.

Originally Posted by shellybear

3. Is it illegal, and would it even make a difference, for me to contact his prior employers and get letters from them regarding his work ethics?

If it isn't illegal, it ought to be. I think that's stinky-low, IMO.

[shellybear]

Thank you for your response.

I must ask though, why do you find getting documentation from his previous employers "stinky low"?

Now, I realize that I did not put this info in my original post, but I will here. The man is a known abuser - of me. He abandonded his kids, was addicted to pot and is a diagnosed psychopath. When dealing with him, he will pull every dirty trick in the book. How can I defend myself against someone like this, without being underhanded yet not allowing him to railroad me?

[Golfball]

Originally Posted by shellybear

What is the name of your state? CT

I have a few questions regarding alimony and his student loan so please be patient with me.

My husband abandonded me and my two kids, leaving the state, back in June. He is asking for alimony in court. Obviously, due to circumstances, I do not believe he deserves a cent, but that's just my opinion.

We were married for 18 years. I have an associates degree from an internet college, he has a BSW from a 4 year university. I did make more than him when he worked.

How much more, that's pretty relevant. Also, how long ago did he get his degree? Also, were you married while STBX was enrolled in school?

He took out student loans to pay for school. I worked full time while he worked part time up until his last year of school. The only reason he was able to work full time was because he was in a paid internship. Should I mention that during this time, I did some of his assignments for him?

Probably not. It could be argued that you were complicit in it, so you really can't complain about it, and you could get spanked in court for doing so.

Since 1994, he has had 8 jobs. 3 of those jobs he was fired from because he of his poor work ethics and did things the way he wanted, not the way he was suppose to do them. The other 5 jobs, he left shortly before he was fired. They were all headed that way. I know this because I had three of these bosses called me out of concern knowing we had a small child. Also, I was friends with some of his coworkers and they have enlightened me as to how he would disappear for hours and come back appearing intoxicated (from pot).

Hearsay, so it's probably not admissible.

From 2003 until 2006, he spent 20 of those months collecting unemployment, not looking for work. I was the one who scoured the internet looking for a job for him. He wouldn't even go to the local store to do something part-time until he could find a full-time job. When he should have been looking for work he was sitting in his room smoking pot and did not decrease spending on this while the income decreased by 1/2.

My questions are these:

1. Is any of this going to mean squat when it comes to my defense as to why I should not have to pay alimony?

The abandonment might (depending on state law).

It would also depend on which state he's asking for alimony in, you *might* be able to quash the alimony request on jurisdictional grounds (no personal jurisdiction over obligor), depending on the totality of the circumstances. (And whether you've already filed an answer.) An attorney would be the best to advise you on this.

2. He wants me to split the student loan bill ($100,000) yet we did not see any return on this investment. Statistically speaking, what are the chances the judge might rule in his favor for this?

Depends wildly on which jurisdiction/venue you file in, when the debt was incurred, and what your state law says.

3. Is it illegal, and would it even make a difference, for me to contact his prior employers and get letters from them regarding his work ethics?

You'd have to depose them, or they'd have to testify in open court, and there's still the question of whether their testimony would even be relevant, as crappy work ethics does not necessarily equate to marital fault.

And if it's not going to matter, you're just pissing away money that you can ill afford to lose.

And it's pretty low.

And by the way, I cannot afford an attorney.

Can you afford *not* to have one? Beg, borrow, or otherwise legally acquire the funds.

Working towards it but highly unlikely before my first court date next month.

It doesn't take too long to find and hire an attorney, even a good one.

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

My husband abandonded me and my two kids, leaving the state, back in June. He is asking for alimony in court. Obviously, due to circumstances, I do not believe he deserves a cent, but that's just my opinion.

Are you saying that your husband has found some way to support himself over the past 6 months already?

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

2. He wants me to split the student loan bill ($100,000) yet we did not see any return on this investment. Statistically speaking, what are the chances the judge might rule in his favor for this?

He may not want to go there, because then the degree that was financed by the student loan is a marital asset to which you should be compensated.

[shellybear]

Thank you all! As for a lawyer, the only people that could even remotely help me are my parents. My mom is talking to my dad right now so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.


Sorry, don't know how to quote yet so I'll just put the quotes in italics for now.

Are you saying that your husband has found some way to support himself over the past 6 months already?

He's been living with friends this whole time and he is now working at a book store.

How much more, that's pretty relevant. Also, how long ago did he get his degree? Also, were you married while STBX was enrolled in school?

I am making $62,000 and he was making $36,000 in his last job. I don't know if this will make a difference, but when he left, he went back to Michigan and the cost of living is about 1/2 of what it is in Connecticut.

He got his degree in 2001. Yes, we were married. I'm asked about it but it really isn't my biggest sticking point in this anyway. Protecting my kids and alimony are the biggest things for me. If I have to pay 1/2 of the student loan, then I have to pay 1/2.

The abandonment might (depending on state law).

It would also depend on which state he's asking for alimony in, you *might* be able to quash the alimony request on jurisdictional grounds (no personal jurisdiction over obligor), depending on the totality of the circumstances. (And whether you've already filed an answer.) An attorney would be the best to advise you on this.

He's residing in Michigan but requesting Alimony in Connecticut. Don't know if that will mean anything. I have not filed an answer. I contacted the Law Library at the court house. They can't tell me what to do but will assist me in filing the correct forms.

And it's pretty low.

Okay, okay, I got it. Won't do it.

It just seems so unfair sometimes. I'm treated like dirt by him, he smokes away money, neglects the kids when he's around (his kids have already asked me to remarry so they can have a real father). I mean, I'm all for men's rights. I probably one of the biggest advocates, but I just feel so defeated by all this. Sorry guys, now I know how all the good men have felt over the years.

[Silverplum]

Originally Posted by shellybear

It just seems so unfair sometimes.

Life ain't fair.

Originally Posted by shellybear

his kids have already asked me to remarry so they can have a real father).

Good God.
DON'T DISCUSS THIS WITH THEM.

Originally Posted by shellybear

I mean, I'm all for men's rights. I probably one of the biggest advocates, but I just feel so defeated by all this. Sorry guys, now I know how all the good men have felt over the years.

No, you don't.
Not. Even. Close.

[Golfball]

Originally Posted by shellybear

Thank you all! As for a lawyer, the only people that could even remotely help me are my parents. My mom is talking to my dad right now so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Keep 'em crossed.

Q: How much more, that's pretty relevant. Also, how long ago did he get his degree? Also, were you married while STBX was enrolled in school?

A1: I am making $62,000 and he was making $36,000 in his last job. I don't know if this will make a difference, but when he left, he went back to Michigan and the cost of living is about 1/2 of what it is in Connecticut.

I think you'd be able to impute that $36k income to him, regardless of where he's living.

A2: He got his degree in 2001. Yes, we were married. I'm asked about it but it really isn't my biggest sticking point in this anyway. Protecting my kids and alimony are the biggest things for me. If I have to pay 1/2 of the student loan, then I have to pay 1/2.

It *might* be considered a marital debt since you were married when it was incurred. Of course, then one could argue that the degree is a marital asset.

Q: It would also depend on which state he's asking for alimony in, you *might* be able to quash the alimony request on jurisdictional grounds (no personal jurisdiction over obligor), depending on the totality of the circumstances. (And whether you've already filed an answer.) An attorney would be the best to advise you on this.

A: He's residing in Michigan but requesting Alimony in Connecticut. Don't know if that will mean anything. I have not filed an answer. I contacted the Law Library at the court house. They can't tell me what to do but will assist me in filing the correct forms.

Well, since he's asking for alimony in your state, you won't be able to do anything on jurisdictional grounds, since the court has personal jurisdiction over both of you.

Figured I'd ask though, since you hadn't mentioned it. (Occasionally, the dependent spouse receives crappy advice and files in the wrong state. Fighting the alimony claim in the wrong state on the jurisdictional grounds does at least two things: 1) Jacks up the STBX's attorney's fees for no (or a negative) return on their part, and 2)harms their alimony case in the correct state.)

neglects the kids when he's around (his kids have already asked me to remarry so they can have a real father).

Yeek. Try to discourage that.

[mickiylou]

Yes, I most certainly discourage the kids from discussing remarriage and things like that. In fact, unlike my STBX, I refuse to discuss anything about the divorce with them. He's already doing enough parent alienation for the both of us. I would never, ever try and keep them from him.

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by shellybear

Thank you for your response.

I must ask though, why do you find getting documentation from his previous employers "stinky low"?

Now, I realize that I did not put this info in my original post, but I will here. The man is a known abuser - of me. He abandonded his kids, was addicted to pot and is a diagnosed psychopath. When dealing with him, he will pull every dirty trick in the book. How can I defend myself against someone like this, without being underhanded yet not allowing him to railroad me?

Letters from his employer are inadmissable hearsay as you would be trying to use them to prove the truth of the matter asserted and would NOT be permitted. You can subpoena his former employers however to testify.

[wileybunch]

Originally Posted by mickiylou

Yes, I most certainly discourage the kids from discussing remarriage and things like that. In fact, unlike my STBX, I refuse to discuss anything about the divorce with them. He's already doing enough parent alienation for the both of us. I would never, ever try and keep them from him.

Is this shellybear?

What was his $100K degree in? Has he ever worked in that field?

[shellybear]

He is a social worker with the mentally ill. The three jobs that he was fired from were three of the four social work jobs that he has had since college.

[shellybear]

Originally Posted by Ginny J

Are you saying that your husband has found some way to support himself over the past 6 months already?

I've been thinking about this comment:

Not in his chosen field. What I am saying is that someone who sits in his room smoking Pot pot not looking for a job yet spending money on it like he was still working, yelling at me because I did not do enough to get him a job, physically abuses me (and I have hard proof so I'm not crying wolf) then hightails it to another state is going to get one heck of a fight from me when it comes to alimony.

[shellybear]

Originally Posted by wileybunch

Is this shellybear?

What was his $100K degree in? Has he ever worked in that field?

Yes, sorry. I had the original account but wasn't sure if he was lurking on the internet. Now, if anyone can tell me who to contact to have the old account deleted, I would be grateful.