annulment in two different states

[divamissx]

What is the name of your state? Florida

My husband is a Virginia resident, mine is Florida. We got married just last week while he was visiting me with permission from his probation officer in Va. He beat me up a couple of times while severely intoxicated and ended up in jail for two weeks charged with battery and resisting arrest. I was able to bail him out so he could return to Va in the hopes of not getting violated.

I've overlooked a lot of his violent behavior in the hopes of rehabilitating him, and I've spent a LOT of money getting him and keeping him out of trouble. I am now seeing the light in that he is NOT going to change and certainly does not appreciate any efforts on my part to "save his ass" (pardon the language).

I am a computer programmer with a 12-year career who has never been in any trouble and he has a 20-year criminal record and can't even get a job.

The issue that is ending this marriage is because I had the opportunity to hear the recordings of the conversations he had with his family while in jail, one in which he said that "... she put me here and next time I'll break her neck." Needless to say... I am seeking annulment at this time and he seems to have beat me to it with help from his family. I have a few questions:

Does it matter which one of us files the annulment?

Does it matter which state it is filed in?

Does he have any rights to my personal property?

Is there any way to collect the money I spent on him and his family? (at least $2000 or more).

Are there any other options that are available to me that I just don't know about?

Thanks for your time and attention,

Divamissx

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

What is the name of your state? Florida

My husband is a Virginia resident, mine is Florida. We got married just last week while he was visiting me with permission from his probation officer in Va. He beat me up a couple of times while severely intoxicated and ended up in jail for two weeks charged with battery and resisting arrest. I was able to bail him out so he could return to Va in the hopes of not getting violated.

I've overlooked a lot of his violent behavior in the hopes of rehabilitating him, and I've spent a LOT of money getting him and keeping him out of trouble. I am now seeing the light in that he is NOT going to change and certainly does not appreciate any efforts on my part to "save his ass" (pardon the language).

I am a computer programmer with a 12-year career who has never been in any trouble and he has a 20-year criminal record and can't even get a job.

The issue that is ending this marriage is because I had the opportunity to hear the recordings of the conversations he had with his family while in jail, one in which he said that "... she put me here and next time I'll break her neck." Needless to say... I am seeking annulment at this time and he seems to have beat me to it with help from his family. I have a few questions:

Does it matter which one of us files the annulment?

Does it matter which state it is filed in?

Does he have any rights to my personal property?

Is there any way to collect the money I spent on him and his family? (at least $2000 or more).

Are there any other options that are available to me that I just don't know about?

Thanks for your time and attention,

Divamissx

My response:

After reading your post, I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Either he's the smartest person in the world, or you're just too damn stupid. From a fair reading of your post, any "help" that I would give you would be a complete waste of my time. You wouldn't understand it anyway.

IAAL

 

[stealth2]

File in your home state, and don't worry about getting anything back - consider it an expensive lesson. And consider therapy to help you learn not to make such foolish choices.

 

[divamissx]

I don't need anymore abuse

It's not that I'm stupid (and I really hoped to get some support as opposed to being degraded), it's that I understand what it's like to grow up in an abusive environment. His parents made him what he is and he has a lot of people trying to help him. I wanted to help him as well, but unfortunately, it's not going to happen. I had the opportunity to overcome my obstacles and if helping someone else overcome their obstacles makes me stupid... then I guess we should all just give up and just look out for number 1.

Ok so I'm back in the same boat... does anyone have any "constructive" advice instead of "destructive" advice?

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

And consider therapy to help you learn not to make such foolish choices.

================================

My response:

Oh, yeah - - that'll happen.

Here's a new word for our writer - - can you say "codependent"?

IAAL

 

[divamissx]

So disappointed

I have participated in a lot of message boards, and never been insulted like this before. I am not a stupid woman. I have never been in an abusive relationship but I know what abuse is from my own parents. This is exactly why people should be forced by law to obtain a license before procreating. I'm not sure who's worse... him or you people.

 

[divamissx]

I am NOT co-dependent! I never have been and never will be. The only weakness I have is lack of knowledge of the legal system because I"ve NEVER had to deal with this before (at age 40). You seem to really get off on judging other people instead of just providing information. If you think you know me that well, then go ahead and make a fool of yourself.

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

Re: So disappointed

"I am not a stupid woman."


==================================

My response:

Well, you sure as hell fooled me!

IAAL

 

[stealth2]

Re: So disappointed

I have never been in an abusive relationship

Except for this marriage? Like I said earlier - file in your home state.

I'm sorry, but getting involved with someone with a 20 year criminal history shows some issues in judgement. He beat you up several times, yet you bailed him out. Even then, you weren't considering divorce (according to your post) until you found out that he had threatened you from jail. You see *nothing* at all wrong with your judgement or decision-making? I'm sorry if that insults you, but I would take some time for some good hard thinking about what I'm doing with my life if I were in your shoes.

 

[divamissx]

You think I haven't been beating myself up over this ****? Like I said... I was looking for legal advice. I don't need a counselor. I was assuming I could get "advice" on this website, not people degrading me when they don't even know me.

And for a "senior member", you don't seem to have much understanding or empathy for someone who is NOT the basket case you seem to think I am.

 

[stealth2]

An annulment is more expensive and time consuming than a divorce. A judge will likely put the financial picture back where it was shince you married. Trying to get stuff back (money) from his family is likely to drag things out and make it more complicated. Like I said - consider it an expensive lesson.

And sometimes - people need to hear the obvious. I've found that the more the argue about not needing to hear it, the more they do.

 

[divamissx]

It's obvious to me that you people are just as abusive as he is and this website is useless. I have legal coverage thru my employer so I'll just wait until I can speak with an attorney who is on MY side.

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

I am NOT co-dependent! I never have been and never will be.

MY RESPONSE: You're right. You're not codependent. I guess I just misread the markers, such as - -

1) "We got married just last week while he was visiting me with permission from his probation officer"

2) "I was able to bail him out so he could return to Va in the hopes of not getting violated"

3) "I've spent a LOT of money getting him and keeping him out of trouble."

4) "he has a 20-year criminal record and can't even get a job."

5) "I had the opportunity to hear the recordings of the conversations he had with his family while in jail, one in which he said that "... she put me here and next time I'll break her neck."


You're absolutely correct - - you're not codependent, and never have been. Those statements were mere figments of my imagination.

========================================


The only weakness I have is lack of knowledge of the legal system because I"ve NEVER had to deal with this before (at age 40).

MY RESPONSE: I've got news for you. Law is not your only "weakness."

========================================


You seem to really get off on judging other people instead of just providing information.

MY RESPONSE: It's my job.

========================================


If you think you know me that well, then go ahead and make a fool of yourself.

MY RESPONSE: What more do you think I'd like to know about you? You couldn't have said more than what you've already stated to make me believe that you're not stupid, and that you're not a codependent. For God's sake, lady - - he's been in and out of jails and prisons for 20 years! What more could you have said!

You even said you thought, and wanted, to change him. That's the definition of "codependency"!

Good luck. You're going to need it.

IAAL

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

"I have legal coverage thru my employer so I'll just wait until I can speak with an attorney who is on MY side."

==================================

My response:

Translation = "I'll speak with someone who'll agree with me, and coddle me, and give me a shoulder to cry on. That's why I'm paying for legal fees!"


IAAL

 

[stealth2]

It's obvious to me that you people are just as abusive as he is and this website is useless. I have legal coverage thru my employer so I'll just wait until I can speak with an attorney who is on MY side.

What about my post is abusive?