Anyone in here have good success with counseling?

[justsomeguy]

Ok, so this is probably the last forum on the planet I should post this in, but I will anyway.

I'm wondering if anyone in here has gone through counseling of some type and found it useful.

I'm personally in a situation where I love my wife and I know she loves me, I think we're amazing together, most of the time..... but we have problems other times. Some of them I don't think I can deal with forever, or more so, .. .I know I cant.

More than anything I want to be with her, and have everything be great, so I usually pretend our bad times don't happen, but I don't think that is the healthy way to go about it.

I tend to be very annoying, and she has problems with her anger. So basically at times I am very annoying to her, in one way or another and she gets violent, or reckless, and abusive.

I've never seriously considered divorce, I dread the thought actually, I just want us to be great.

Anyway, I'm just looking for some random opinions.. do you all think counseling will help, I think she's up for it, I know I am.

thanks,

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by justsomeguy

Ok, so this is probably the last forum on the planet I should post this in, but I will anyway.

I'm wondering if anyone in here has gone through counseling of some type and found it useful.

I'm personally in a situation where I love my wife and I know she loves me, I think we're amazing together, most of the time..... but we have problems other times. Some of them I don't think I can deal with forever, or more so, .. .I know I cant.

More than anything I want to be with her, and have everything be great, so I usually pretend our bad times don't happen, but I don't think that is the healthy way to go about it.

I tend to be very annoying, and she has problems with her anger. So basically at times I am very annoying to her, in one way or another and she gets violent, or reckless, and abusive.

I've never seriously considered divorce, I dread the thought actually, I just want us to be great.

Anyway, I'm just looking for some random opinions.. do you all think counseling will help, I think she's up for it, I know I am.

thanks,

Yes, it could possibly help a great deal. Particularly since it appears that you both admit to some fault for the problem times. However, no marriage will ever be without moments of conflict. Counseling won't stop conflict, it only may help you handle the conflict in a better manner.

[nextwife]

My aunt and uncle seperated twenty 22 years ago and obtained counseling. Four kids.

They are now still married and enjoying a happy retirement together

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by justsomeguy

Ok, so this is probably the last forum on the planet I should post this in, but I will anyway.

I'm wondering if anyone in here has gone through counseling of some type and found it useful.

I'm personally in a situation where I love my wife and I know she loves me, I think we're amazing together, most of the time..... but we have problems other times. Some of them I don't think I can deal with forever, or more so, .. .I know I cant.

Think about living in misery and when the divorce finally happens, you are ordered to pay her alimony for all those years of misery.

More than anything I want to be with her, and have everything be great, so I usually pretend our bad times don't happen, but I don't think that is the healthy way to go about it.

I tend to be very annoying, and she has problems with her anger. So basically at times I am very annoying to her, in one way or another and she gets violent, or reckless, and abusive.

Call the police when she becomes violent and thoroughly document when she is reckless and abusive. Get witnesses.

This pattern of behavior will probably get worse and not better.

I've never seriously considered divorce, I dread the thought actually, I just want us to be great.

Anyway, I'm just looking for some random opinions.. do you all think counseling will help, I think she's up for it, I know I am.

thanks,

Those encourging counseling on this thread would probably not do so if the violent, reckless and abusive behavior came from the "husband".

[stealth2]

Counseling is only as good as the willingness of the parties to actually do the hard work. BOTH of them.

[rmet4nzkx]

As a person trained to do Marriage and family counseling in addition to my other work, I would say that in your situation "counseling" is unlikely to "change" your marriage. You will continue to be annoying, what ever that means because you can't function without your wife and look for sympathy from others outraged that your wife's frustration that results in anger and or violence. Counseling won't change her, it might change you, but both people have to want to change for counseling to work. If you change that doesn't mean that you won't still be annoying, possibly in another way. Remember your marriage may work at times because you and your wife are co-dependent and complement each other, changng that balance, without replacing what you remove, breaks the very thing that holds you together. Counseling can help you transition beyond your marriage.

[justsomeguy]

Thanks everyone. I appreciate the advice. My wife actually has brought up the idea of couseling, but she doesnt want to do it as a couple she wants to go to anger management on her own.. I just don't want her to think that I think it's all her fault, I know it's not.

I've always been the type to start to annoy people, paticularly anyone I've ever been in a relationship with. I realized it years ago after I got the same reaction out of multiple people and I realized it wasn't them it's me. I've never talked to anyone about it, just tried to be aware of it and watch what I say and how I say it. But it's still there.

I just hope something will help, I really want the life that we're planning, and that we live on our good days, i just don't want the bad days anymore. :T

By the way, we have no kids, we've been married almost 4 years, 31, and 29, thought some people might want to factor that in to any advice they may offer.

thanks again everyone.

[stealth2]

Okay - I gotta ask - what is it that you do to annoy people?

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by justsomeguy

Thanks everyone. I appreciate the advice. My wife actually has brought up the idea of couseling, but she doesnt want to do it as a couple she wants to go to anger management on her own.. I just don't want her to think that I think it's all her fault, I know it's not.

I've always been the type to start to annoy people, paticularly anyone I've ever been in a relationship with. I realized it years ago after I got the same reaction out of multiple people and I realized it wasn't them it's me. I've never talked to anyone about it, just tried to be aware of it and watch what I say and how I say it. But it's still there.

I just hope something will help, I really want the life that we're planning, and that we live on our good days, i just don't want the bad days anymore. :T

By the way, we have no kids, we've been married almost 4 years, 31, and 29, thought some people might want to factor that in to any advice they may offer.

thanks again everyone.

Dump her butt NOW. The more you delay, the more you will pay.

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by stealth2

Okay - I gotta ask - what is it that you do to annoy people?

You aren't the least bit interested in her explosive, violent, reckless and abusive temperment???

[rmet4nzkx]

Originally Posted by Bali Hai

You aren't the least bit interested in her explosive, violent, reckless and abusive temperment???

OP admits to being anoying to everyone, frustration and more is the expected response to being constantly anoyed, especially when there is no escape. It is understandable that OP's wife would want her own individual counseling as opposed to couples counseling, anger management may be the only excuse she has to get some private time with a therapist. Unfortunately, for OP, I don't see this marriage lasting, so their best advice might be to amicably divorce and move on. Then if OP works on his problem with anoying people, he may actually meet someone to which he is better suited.

[justsomeguy]

Originally Posted by stealth2

Okay - I gotta ask - what is it that you do to annoy people?

Well, when I was younger I was quite a "know it all" I have a way of talking down to people and trying to always be right or prove myself. I realize it, and I hate it. (by the way I realize I generally don't know much of anything which makes the "know it all" attitude all that more irritating)

Without getting too deep in a psychoanalysis I'm positive this attitude started with my mother and continues now with most people that I am involved with in any fashion, work, friends, relationships, employees. It took me several relationships and a good friend at work who told me what a Jerk I could be for me to "get it". I've been working on this problem for years now, since before I met my wife. I try to always think before I speak and shut up alot more.

anyway, I appreciate having this forum here to talk about this. I feel confused almost every day about things, and I don't want to be.

[justsomeguy]

By the way, what does OP stand for? Original Poster? Sorry I wasn't sure?

[GoldenBridge]

Originally Posted by justsomeguy

Ok, so this is probably the last forum on the planet I should post this in, but I will anyway.

I'm wondering if anyone in here has gone through counseling of some type and found it useful.

I'm personally in a situation where I love my wife and I know she loves me, I think we're amazing together, most of the time..... but we have problems other times. Some of them I don't think I can deal with forever, or more so, .. .I know I cant.

More than anything I want to be with her, and have everything be great, so I usually pretend our bad times don't happen, but I don't think that is the healthy way to go about it.

I tend to be very annoying, and she has problems with her anger. So basically at times I am very annoying to her, in one way or another and she gets violent, or reckless, and abusive.

I've never seriously considered divorce, I dread the thought actually, I just want us to be great.

Anyway, I'm just looking for some random opinions.. do you all think counseling will help, I think she's up for it, I know I am.

thanks,

counseling can be found in some good books, available at your local library(free) as well as the book store.
And these things only work, if both are dedicated to finding honest solutions.
So, the first step is, self evaluation.
Like, Ask yourself would the things I do be annoying to me? Then work at stopping yourself, each and every time. And do not be afriad to coorrect your habit openly. this way people can see you at work too. You can truely be your own counsoler. And noone knows you better then U.

[Ohiogal]

I got a problem with some of these posts. it doesn't matter HOW annoying OP is or says he is. That does not give ANYONE the right to physically abuse him. And by blaming his annoyance for the abuse -- why are we blaming the victim when if this were a woman we would say it was never her fault. Here is the thing -- wife has a violent nature if you believe the post. The one responsible for said violence is wife. Not OP. Adults are responsible for their own actions. They don't get away with abuse by saying that the other person annoyed them into decking them. That doesn't work.