and I'll probably get a smart good answer. I've already said the word dumb and probably can't say it enough but here's the deal:
I was married for 20 years, now divorced for 4. During the total 23 years my ex and were together, I managed his office and worked 50-60 hours a week doing so. I never took a paycheck. We had a seemingly good life from the outside but it was a marriage devoid of intimacy for over 11 of those years. I felt I had married for life and did not want to be divorced but after years of counseling and never really getting anywhere, he finally admitted to being gay. Let's not go there, okay? It was hard enough then and still is. Despite all of that, we were able to get thru our divorce in a fairly amicable fashion, believe it or not. Needless to say, we had no children.
The issue of alimony was not brought up or waived or addressed in any way. This was because I received 1/2 of our 401K - they were combined then split in half and we each then had our own. I received $6000.00 in this transaction. And he was then to sell the house and split the proceeds.
The agreement called for him to stay in the marital home (brand new) for up to 6 months. During the first month after the divorce was final, he was to put the house up for sale by owner which he did - for two weeks. The point was to sell the house within 6 months of the divorce and split the proceeds, which at the appraised value would have been a fair equitible division and a decent sum of money. Nothing great but I felt it was something I could live with.
He then decided to stay a "bit longer" and sell in the spring. I verbally agreed to this - it made sense and things had not been acrimonous. Spring came and like the stupid nice idiot I am, I let him continue to stay in the house.
By this time, I was broke, actually long before that - $6000. doesn't go very far and it was now 8 months later.
I must have dropped my brain in the street somewhere because I continued to be agreeable and let him go at his own pace. Trying to be a nice person - what a joke.
FOUR YEARS later, during which time I have been working 60-70 hours a week trying to make ends meet, I finally picked my brain off the floor and told him sell the NOW or buy me out or pay me alimony or something or I would get a lawyer involved. He put the house up for sale. I found out later he was planning on doing it anyway because he met "someone" and was moving in with them anyhow.
A house that appraised out at $249,000 when we built it sold for $195,000 four years later. He had also placed a second mortage on the house for God knows what and when all was said and done, I got $5000.00. For 23 years. I had no knowledge of the second mortgage and, to date, he refuses to show me the closing statement from the sale. He keeps saying he's looking for it but has so much paperwork it's going to take some time. Right.
He is hiding something from me, obviously. I know I got screwed, how do I prove it?
The company that had the original mortage was bought out by another bank. I tried calling the new bank and getting the statement directly from them but because I was not in on the sale deal, they tell me they cannot supply any information to me. I had signed off on deed long ago but remained on the mortgage. Yes, I already know it was stupid, don't remind me. I somehow continued to feel during all this time that a person I knew for 1/2 of my life wouldn't screw me over. He just never gave me any indication in 23 years of being a dishonest person and, even with our troubles, was a kind and considerate person. Yeah, I know, you never really know somebody.
I simply feel that I should not have to suffer anymore for a number of reasons, even given my stupid niceness. I did not put the second mortage on there, I wasn't the one who didn't abide by the terms of our written agreement and yet I'm the one who ended up with $5000.00 for 23 years of my life.
Is there anything I can do or has my stupidity sealed fate?
Trust me, I don't TRUST anyone anymore, very hard lesson learned but there must be something I can do to find out exactly what the with the house sale was. And do I have any recourse due to the fact the he is really in contempt of our settlement agreement by not selling the house 3.5 years ago when it still had value and he was supposed to do? I never put anything in writing, I was just stupid and let it drag on and on.
I was married for 20 years, now divorced for 4. During the total 23 years my ex and were together, I managed his office and worked 50-60 hours a week doing so. I never took a paycheck. We had a seemingly good life from the outside but it was a marriage devoid of intimacy for over 11 of those years. I felt I had married for life and did not want to be divorced but after years of counseling and never really getting anywhere, he finally admitted to being gay. Let's not go there, okay? It was hard enough then and still is. Despite all of that, we were able to get thru our divorce in a fairly amicable fashion, believe it or not. Needless to say, we had no children.
The issue of alimony was not brought up or waived or addressed in any way. This was because I received 1/2 of our 401K - they were combined then split in half and we each then had our own. I received $6000.00 in this transaction. And he was then to sell the house and split the proceeds.
The agreement called for him to stay in the marital home (brand new) for up to 6 months. During the first month after the divorce was final, he was to put the house up for sale by owner which he did - for two weeks. The point was to sell the house within 6 months of the divorce and split the proceeds, which at the appraised value would have been a fair equitible division and a decent sum of money. Nothing great but I felt it was something I could live with.
He then decided to stay a "bit longer" and sell in the spring. I verbally agreed to this - it made sense and things had not been acrimonous. Spring came and like the stupid nice idiot I am, I let him continue to stay in the house.
By this time, I was broke, actually long before that - $6000. doesn't go very far and it was now 8 months later.
I must have dropped my brain in the street somewhere because I continued to be agreeable and let him go at his own pace. Trying to be a nice person - what a joke.
FOUR YEARS later, during which time I have been working 60-70 hours a week trying to make ends meet, I finally picked my brain off the floor and told him sell the NOW or buy me out or pay me alimony or something or I would get a lawyer involved. He put the house up for sale. I found out later he was planning on doing it anyway because he met "someone" and was moving in with them anyhow.
A house that appraised out at $249,000 when we built it sold for $195,000 four years later. He had also placed a second mortage on the house for God knows what and when all was said and done, I got $5000.00. For 23 years. I had no knowledge of the second mortgage and, to date, he refuses to show me the closing statement from the sale. He keeps saying he's looking for it but has so much paperwork it's going to take some time. Right.
He is hiding something from me, obviously. I know I got screwed, how do I prove it?
The company that had the original mortage was bought out by another bank. I tried calling the new bank and getting the statement directly from them but because I was not in on the sale deal, they tell me they cannot supply any information to me. I had signed off on deed long ago but remained on the mortgage. Yes, I already know it was stupid, don't remind me. I somehow continued to feel during all this time that a person I knew for 1/2 of my life wouldn't screw me over. He just never gave me any indication in 23 years of being a dishonest person and, even with our troubles, was a kind and considerate person. Yeah, I know, you never really know somebody.
I simply feel that I should not have to suffer anymore for a number of reasons, even given my stupid niceness. I did not put the second mortage on there, I wasn't the one who didn't abide by the terms of our written agreement and yet I'm the one who ended up with $5000.00 for 23 years of my life.
Is there anything I can do or has my stupidity sealed fate?
Trust me, I don't TRUST anyone anymore, very hard lesson learned but there must be something I can do to find out exactly what the with the house sale was. And do I have any recourse due to the fact the he is really in contempt of our settlement agreement by not selling the house 3.5 years ago when it still had value and he was supposed to do? I never put anything in writing, I was just stupid and let it drag on and on.
