Bought house with boyfriend - now separating

[lifejazz]

What is the name of your state? New Jersey

Hello dear forum members,

First of all thatnk you so much for giving us this opportunity to ask questions.....umm...for free

I have a horrible situation I put myself into. Almost a year ago I engaged in bying a house with my boyfriend. We both are on the mortgage and on the deed. We have been together for 5 years now, and after all good and bad that was there, we separated. We currently both live in the house, but it is getting more and more difficult to see each other and deal with bitterness and anger. I am not sure how to proceed None of us wants to leave the house ( I also have a child on my own from the first marriage) and it looks like the situation is becoming more and more unhealthy. I am the one who always paid all the bills ( and he would just give me the half of $$ for it) but this month he didnt, and I had to pay the whole amount of mortgage by myself. I can hardly afford paying the whole mortgage plus bills by myself, but he doesnt want to contribute to it any more, while still living there . I am very carefull and accurate about making the payments, as I am working on my credit history right now, and dont want to mess it up. I do not know what to do**************if anyone has some advice, or have been in a similar situation, I will really appreciate your input.

Thank you

JasmineWhat is the name of your state?

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by lifejazz

What is the name of your state? New Jersey

Hello dear forum members,

First of all thatnk you so much for giving us this opportunity to ask questions.....umm...for free

I have a horrible situation I put myself into. Almost a year ago I engaged in bying a house with my boyfriend. We both are on the mortgage and on the deed. We have been together for 5 years now, and after all good and bad that was there, we separated. We currently both live in the house, but it is getting more and more difficult to see each other and deal with bitterness and anger. I am not sure how to proceed None of us wants to leave the house ( I also have a child on my own from the first marriage) and it looks like the situation is becoming more and more unhealthy. I am the one who always paid all the bills ( and he would just give me the half of $$ for it) but this month he didnt, and I had to pay the whole amount of mortgage by myself. I can hardly afford paying the whole mortgage plus bills by myself, but he doesnt want to contribute to it any more, while still living there . I am very carefull and accurate about making the payments, as I am working on my credit history right now, and dont want to mess it up. I do not know what to do**************if anyone has some advice, or have been in a similar situation, I will really appreciate your input.

Thank you

JasmineWhat is the name of your state?

My advice is to keep paying the mortgage and working on that credit history.

[lifejazz]

Bali - I most deffinately would, if I could.....but I cant. I can not afford paying the mortgage and the bills and letting someone I do not want in my life any more living there for free and enjoying the benefits of it. Is this all you can come up with?

[Ohiogal]

You are either going to have to talk him into selling the house and splitting the proceeds or going to court for a partition suit (which will cost a lot of money and take a long time) to force a sale or getting another job to pay all the bills and being able to buy him out and then evict him once you do buy him out or letting the house go to foreclosure if none of the above work.

[lifejazz]

Ohiogal - Thank you. What exactly do you mean by "buy him out"? What exactly am I bying out?

Also: If, lets say we do not want to sell the house (it wasnt even a year after we bought it) - and one of us decides to stay there - what is the rule for that? Can I move out and get my name taken off the mortgage/deed? Can he move out and have his name taken off the mortgage/deed? He doesnt want to mess up his credit just, if not more, then me. Thank you.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by lifejazz

What is the name of your state? New Jersey

Hello dear forum members,

First of all thatnk you so much for giving us this opportunity to ask questions.....umm...for free

I have a horrible situation I put myself into. Almost a year ago I engaged in bying a house with my boyfriend. We both are on the mortgage and on the deed. We have been together for 5 years now, and after all good and bad that was there, we separated. We currently both live in the house, but it is getting more and more difficult to see each other and deal with bitterness and anger. I am not sure how to proceed None of us wants to leave the house ( I also have a child on my own from the first marriage) and it looks like the situation is becoming more and more unhealthy. I am the one who always paid all the bills ( and he would just give me the half of $$ for it) but this month he didnt, and I had to pay the whole amount of mortgage by myself. I can hardly afford paying the whole mortgage plus bills by myself, but he doesnt want to contribute to it any more, while still living there . I am very carefull and accurate about making the payments, as I am working on my credit history right now, and dont want to mess it up. I do not know what to do**************if anyone has some advice, or have been in a similar situation, I will really appreciate your input.

Thank you

JasmineWhat is the name of your state?

You need to put the house up for sale. Obviously neither of you can afford to refinance it into your own name. So, cut your losses and get it sold. If he does not want to cooperate with a sale, then you will need to file to partition the home and force the sale.

[tranquility]

You are buying out his half of the ownership in the house. Since there is a mortgage on the property, you (or he) would need to refinance the mortgage (That is the ONLY way to avoid liability of the leaving spouse on the debt.) and, then, pay a little extra to the other party for the amount owned which is not owed. (Value of the house less mortgage, 1/2 of that amount is equity which belongs to each of you.)

Don't do a quit claim unless it is part of a refinance. If he quit claims to you without a refinance, you won't mind. But, to be fair, you want the deed and liability against it to be held by the same person.

[lifejazz]

Ok.....we had a serious discussion yesterday, and he insisted that he doesnt want to sell the house, but rather refinance it on his own name. In other words, he wants to keep it. My guess is that now he will have to refinance it on his own name and take me off the mortgage and the deed. HOWEVER!!!When we moved in I took a loan on my name only to have some renivations and upgrades done - like the floors throughout the house, kitchen cabinets and kitchen counters, as well as the bathroom completely redone (all totalling $10,000). Obviously I can not take it with me.....and since I am the only one on the loan, something tells me that I am the only one liable for it So.....with that said. Do you think it is a smart way to let him have the house and leave? Or should I fight for refinancing it on my own name? And.....how much will it cost to refi it on my own name, and what should the consequences be?

Thank you.

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by lifejazz

Ok.....we had a serious discussion yesterday, and he insisted that he doesnt want to sell the house, but rather refinance it on his own name. In other words, he wants to keep it. My guess is that now he will have to refinance it on his own name and take me off the mortgage and the deed. HOWEVER!!!When we moved in I took a loan on my name only to have some renivations and upgrades done - like the floors throughout the house, kitchen cabinets and kitchen counters, as well as the bathroom completely redone (all totalling $10,000). Obviously I can not take it with me.....and since I am the only one on the loan, something tells me that I am the only one liable for it So.....with that said. Do you think it is a smart way to let him have the house and leave? Or should I fight for refinancing it on my own name? And.....how much will it cost to refi it on my own name, and what should the consequences be?

Thank you.

One or both of you are going to get hosed in this mess. Keep us updated.

[Ohiogal]

Can he afford it in his name? He should have to buy you out -- not just refinance it in his name. He CANNOT take you off the deed -- you would have to sign the deed over to him. DO NOT do that until the loan is in his name and you receive half the equity plus enough to pay off the loan for the upgrades to the house. That can be what you ask for.
However, if he cannot refinance and you cannot afford the house then you will need to sell it.

[nextwife]

Originally Posted by Ohiogal

Can he afford it in his name? He should have to buy you out -- not just refinance it in his name. He CANNOT take you off the deed -- you would have to sign the deed over to him. DO NOT do that until the loan is in his name and you receive half the equity plus enough to pay off the loan for the upgrades to the house. That can be what you ask for.
However, if he cannot refinance and you cannot afford the house then you will need to sell it.

Because he cannot actually accomplish a refinance and payoff of whatever your share would be (perhaps you and he can agree to have him do a cash out refi to pay you for his share of the home improvement loan) UNTIL there is a deed putting him in title, the transfer can be coordinated simultaneously with the refi closing. He cannot refinance and then ask you for a deed, because as of now you are still in title.

Title companies do these buy-out closings all the time. They can be instructed to hold the deed "in trust", releasing it in accordance with the terms of a letter of instruction requiring the payoff of the current mortgage to occur for them to have permission to release. Or you can attend the refi closing, execute the deed and hang onto it until the title company or closing agent is wiring or expressing out, the payoff.

[byrd42]

I just did this and now own my own home as of 3/5/07 after 16 years of DV. We argued for months over the buyout amount and whom will get it. I have been paying the entire mortgage for 1 1/2 years with 3 kids. I lucked out, since he lucked out and went to jail and just got out in January. Poor slob, no job or money. I was approved for refinancing with my current Mortgage Co.

"It was either take it or leave it you jerk or I will just foreclose on the darn thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I will not pay one red cent more!!!!!!!!"

I ended up paying out about 9K in closing costs, which I rolled into the refinance amount. You have to remember that the taxes that are due are on top of the estimated closing costs. That is where I got screwed. The check (buyout) was issued to him 3 days after I closed. We did the Quit Claim Deed at closing. And you get to skip two monthly payments!

Good Luck!!!

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by nextwife

Because he cannot actually accomplish a refinance and payoff of whatever your share would be (perhaps you and he can agree to have him do a cash out refi to pay you for his share of the home improvement loan) UNTIL there is a deed putting him in title, the transfer can be coordinated simultaneously with the refi closing. He cannot refinance and then ask you for a deed, because as of now you are still in title.

Title companies do these buy-out closings all the time. They can be instructed to hold the deed "in trust", releasing it in accordance with the terms of a letter of instruction requiring the payoff of the current mortgage to occur for them to have permission to release. Or you can attend the refi closing, execute the deed and hang onto it until the title company or closing agent is wiring or expressing out, the payoff.

What Nextwife said and truthfully what i meant but I was trying to condense. The important thing is NOT to sign the house over to him UNTIL you are sure your name will be off the loan and you will not be financially responsible for a home you are not in ownership of.

[lifejazz]

Thank you for advices. I will certainly not sign the house over to him unless my name is off the mortgage. My problem and concern is that the house doesnt really have equity yet, as it was bought only nine months ago. The prices for the houses in this area are pretty much the same, the only one equity would be the upgrades that we ( actually I ) made. And after the closing costs and all that, I am pretty sure that there is going to be nothing to share, but debt for the upgrades. Which he will deny and refuse to share of course. In this case, will I be able to take him to court for at least half the money ($5,000) or even the whole amount of $ 10,000 to be fair - in case he is the one to keep the house?

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by lifejazz

Thank you for advices. I will certainly not sign the house over to him unless my name is off the mortgage. My problem and concern is that the house doesnt really have equity yet, as it was bought only nine months ago. The prices for the houses in this area are pretty much the same, the only one equity would be the upgrades that we ( actually I ) made. And after the closing costs and all that, I am pretty sure that there is going to be nothing to share, but debt for the upgrades. Which he will deny and refuse to share of course. In this case, will I be able to take him to court for at least half the money ($5,000) or even the whole amount of $ 10,000 to be fair - in case he is the one to keep the house?

Sure you can take him to court for anything you like.

What does your contract with him state regarding this matter?