Can I file a restraining order?

[fraggler]

What is the name of your state? MD

My wife is having an affair with her coworker. She wants a divorce so she can be with this man, saying that she loves me but is not in love anymore. I do not want a divorce and refuse to agree to a voluntary separation. As I understand it, there does not seem to be grounds for her to divorce me under MD law. I intend to wait out the affair and see if she will then work on the marriage.

My real question involves the other man. If she invites him into the house to have sex, and I catch them, do I have any legal action I can take against him? I already have grounds for divorce due to adultery, but I am intent to save my marriage, not end it. If a man is constantly coming over, and I do not want him on our joint property, is there anything I can do? Can I file some sort of restraining order? Will the police remove him from my property if I want them too, but my wife does not?

I know I cannot stop her affair, but what I would like to do is protect myself and my home. He may or may not be a violent man, and the last thing I want is violence in my house. We don't have kids if that factors in. Thanks.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? MD

My wife is having an affair with her coworker. She wants a divorce so she can be with this man, saying that she loves me but is not in love anymore. I do not want a divorce and refuse to agree to a voluntary separation. As I understand it, there does not seem to be grounds for her to divorce me under MD law. I intend to wait out the affair and see if she will then work on the marriage.

My real question involves the other man. If she invites him into the house to have sex, and I catch them, do I have any legal action I can take against him? I already have grounds for divorce due to adultery, but I am intent to save my marriage, not end it. If a man is constantly coming over, and I do not want him on our joint property, is there anything I can do? Can I file some sort of restraining order? Will the police remove him from my property if I want them too, but my wife does not?

I know I cannot stop her affair, but what I would like to do is protect myself and my home. He may or may not be a violent man, and the last thing I want is violence in my house. We don't have kids if that factors in. Thanks.

Does she do that? Does she actually bring the man to your home? If so, why in the world would you want to stay married to someone who is cheating on you and being THAT blatant about it?

 

[fraggler]

I personally don't believe that the affair should be the cause of the divorce. I think it is a symptom of an underlying problem, and I would like to find that problem and address it. I love my wife very much and she used to love me very much. She has admitted that she has invited him into the house on at least one occasion when I was out of town. I was about to enter into a legal separation and leave town (only moved here so she could be closer to family), but it doesn't feel right that I should abandon the life I have been building for 10 years because she felt the need to sleep with another man. Most affairs end, that is their nature. If this is true love for her and not just an emotional and physical fling, then waiting it out may allow me to see where our relationship truly lay before the affair. It is only then that I want to make a decision about the rest of my life.

I am oldfashioned and idealistic. What I posted here for was not to get judgement on my situation, but for advice on what I can do to protect myself from a potentially dangerous situation. This guy is ex military, and is a self proclaimed thug. If I feel like my safety is threatened by him being in the house and in my bed, does the law protect me in any way from this situation short of me leaving or asking my wife to leave.

Thanks.

 

[mistoffolees]

What is the name of your state? MD

My wife is having an affair with her coworker. She wants a divorce so she can be with this man, saying that she loves me but is not in love anymore. I do not want a divorce and refuse to agree to a voluntary separation. As I understand it, there does not seem to be grounds for her to divorce me under MD law. I intend to wait out the affair and see if she will then work on the marriage.

My real question involves the other man. If she invites him into the house to have sex, and I catch them, do I have any legal action I can take against him? I already have grounds for divorce due to adultery, but I am intent to save my marriage, not end it. If a man is constantly coming over, and I do not want him on our joint property, is there anything I can do? Can I file some sort of restraining order? Will the police remove him from my property if I want them too, but my wife does not?

I know I cannot stop her affair, but what I would like to do is protect myself and my home. He may or may not be a violent man, and the last thing I want is violence in my house. We don't have kids if that factors in. Thanks.

I don't think there's anything you can do about a restraining order. If he becomes violent or threatens violence, you could, but until then, the house belongs to your wife as much as you and she can have guests over.

She can obtain a divorce without your agreement if she wishes. Worst case, she would have to move out of your house for 24 months and then divorce on the basis of involuntary separation (you don't need to agree). Adultery is also grounds for divorce in MD, although I don't know if the adulterer can file on that basis or not. Check with your attorney.

While it's commendable that you are trying to save your marriage, you need to do what you can to protect yourself in case it can't be saved. I would see an attorney (often, the initial consultation is free) to see what steps you should take.

Good luck.

 

[fraggler]

Thanks for the reply.

So basically, if my wife decides to not leave and continue to have this guy over, there is nothing I can do to get her to leave or prevent him from coming over? Can openly and maliciously having an affair not be considered some form of mental or emotional abuse? Something not right with this world where the people perpetrating morally reprehensible behavior get everything they want when people trying to do the right thing are forced to give up everything that they held dear. Divorce only protects half of my paltry assets, it doesn't protect the life that was built on my shoulders. If I want to keep the life that I have worked so hard for, I have to be willing to have another man in my bed?

What happened to the good old days when the adultering adults were branded and publicly humiliated. Why does society so readily and easily accept adultery. Don't like it? Leave! Ah well, the laws aren't there to protect morals and principles. Thanks again.

 

[CourtClerk]

Basically, your wife can invite him over and have sex with him in your bedroom while you're in the livingroom watching TV if that's what she wants to do. It's her house too.

You have no grounds for a restraining order unless, as already said, he becomes violent or (in certain cirumstances) threatens violence. However, I don't see him doing that, he has no reason to.

 

[mistoffolees]

Thanks for the reply.

So basically, if my wife decides to not leave and continue to have this guy over, there is nothing I can do to get her to leave or prevent him from coming over?

Of course there's something you can do. File for divorce. Adultery is grounds in MD.

If you choose not to file for divorce, that's your choice. But don't complain that there's nothing you can do.

 

[Bali Hai]

I personally don't believe that the affair should be the cause of the divorce. I think it is a symptom of an underlying problem, and I would like to find that problem and address it. I love my wife very much and she used to love me very much. She has admitted that she has invited him into the house on at least one occasion when I was out of town. I was about to enter into a legal separation and leave town (only moved here so she could be closer to family), but it doesn't feel right that I should abandon the life I have been building for 10 years because she felt the need to sleep with another man. Most affairs end, that is their nature. If this is true love for her and not just an emotional and physical fling, then waiting it out may allow me to see where our relationship truly lay before the affair. It is only then that I want to make a decision about the rest of my life.

I am oldfashioned and idealistic. What I posted here for was not to get judgement on my situation, but for advice on what I can do to protect myself from a potentially dangerous situation. This guy is ex military, and is a self proclaimed thug. If I feel like my safety is threatened by him being in the house and in my bed, does the law protect me in any way from this situation short of me leaving or asking my wife to leave.

Thanks.

And that is exactly WHY you will LOSE in divorce court!!!

 

[kimberlywrites]

If she wants a divorce, she's going to be able to get a divorce eventually. While you wish to hold on, she doesn't, and your plan along with "old fashioned" values might backfire. You can't keep someone caged and trapped.