Can I leave him or...(VA)

[nanny2kc]

will it be desertion? I'm in Virginia, and my husband is verbally, emotionally, and financially abusive. I want to leave, but I don't want to lose my share of the equity in our home and his 401k. Especially since it is quite substantial, and I have allowed him to control me for so long, my earning capabilities are limited. I've taken a job, but only make $6.50 per hour.

I've been searching the Virginia legal sites, but they are a little too vague for my comfort, and I have not saved for a lawyer. I would like to get him out of the house, but I know that will not happen. He makes it a point to tell me that this is HIS house, even though we just bought it 2 months ago. He thinks it's his because my name is not on the papers.

all input is greatly appreciated.

thank you,
margaret

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by nanny2kc

will it be desertion? I'm in Virginia, and my husband is verbally, emotionally, and financially abusive. I want to leave, but I don't want to lose my share of the equity in our home and his 401k. Especially since it is quite substantial, and I have allowed him to control me for so long, my earning capabilities are limited. I've taken a job, but only make $6.50 per hour.

I've been searching the Virginia legal sites, but they are a little too vague for my comfort, and I have not saved for a lawyer. I would like to get him out of the house, but I know that will not happen. He makes it a point to tell me that this is HIS house, even though we just bought it 2 months ago. He thinks it's his because my name is not on the papers.

all input is greatly appreciated.

thank you,
margaret

Stop listening to your ex. Go get yourself an attorney....borrow money from family if you have to.

If you have children...do NOT leave without them. Leaving also does not mean that you lose your share of the marital property.

[nanny2kc]

my kids are grown and on their own, barely they are 18 and 19. I have no other family. My understanding of VA law is that if I don't have a good reason to leave, than it is desertion, and I could lose my rights to property. In my research, have come to the conclusion that VA doesn't take much recognition of mental abuse. I guess it would depend on the severity.

How severe does it have to be? I'm bipolar, and am told that I'm crazy, have no sense of style, colorblind, I'm not allowed to handle money, must ask for every dime I get, and better have a receipt and change when I get back, I'm a ****ty wife, etc, etc. Today he left for Cincy for 10 days. He left while I was sleeping, didn't leave me any money or ask if I needed any money. He's mad because I got a job. I just started and won't get my first check until Friday. This is going to be a long week.

I have a friend who has a basement apartment that I can stay in, but before I do, I just want to make sure that I'm not screwing myself out of my half of about $200k. With my limited earning abilities, I'll need this when I retire.

margaret in VA

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by nanny2kc

my kids are grown and on their own, barely they are 18 and 19. I have no other family. My understanding of VA law is that if I don't have a good reason to leave, than it is desertion, and I could lose my rights to property. In my research, have come to the conclusion that VA doesn't take much recognition of mental abuse. I guess it would depend on the severity.

How severe does it have to be? I'm bipolar, and am told that I'm crazy, have no sense of style, colorblind, I'm not allowed to handle money, must ask for every dime I get, and better have a receipt and change when I get back, I'm a ****ty wife, etc, etc. Today he left for Cincy for 10 days. He left while I was sleeping, didn't leave me any money or ask if I needed any money. He's mad because I got a job. I just started and won't get my first check until Friday. This is going to be a long week.

I have a friend who has a basement apartment that I can stay in, but before I do, I just want to make sure that I'm not screwing myself out of my half of about $200k. With my limited earning abilities, I'll need this when I retire.

margaret in VA

Hon...no....you are misinterpreting VA law entirely. Please try to find someone to lend you the money for an attorney. You truly need one....or at least contact Legal Aid and see if they can assist you.

You won't lose your rights to marital property and you could even be entitled to some alimony.

[nanny2kc]

I'm going to. I just want to make sure before I move out, and want to move out ASAP, for the sake of my sanity. Thank you for your advice and kindness.

margaret