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cant take it anymore

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readytodie

Guest
What is the name of your state? Massachusetts

Well, I have been married for a little over a year and the whole experience has been just dreadful, my husband has completely changed and he has started hitting me

I have wanted to leave for a long time but cant figure out how. Everything that we have is in my name (because he filed for bankruptcy) and I know that getting a divorce can sseriously affect your credit and I cant afford that.
If we got a divorce I dont think that I would be able to make all the payments on everything and because everything is in my name I know that he will not take responsibility.
I feel trapped and I am wondering if there is any way that i might be able to get a divorce and also save my credit, Also I really know that divorces can be expensive is there any way to avoid that, i dont know if he will be cooperative and I cant afford to have this dragged out.
please help thank you
 


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hopelessinCA

Guest
:( sorry about what has happened. Get a lawyer quick..especially if your spouse is abusing you..Restraining orders may need to be filed.
 
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Boxcarbill

Guest
readytodie said:
What is the name of your state? Massachusetts

Well, I have been married for a little over a year and the whole experience has been just dreadful, my husband has completely changed and he has started hitting me

I have wanted to leave for a long time but cant figure out how. Everything that we have is in my name (because he filed for bankruptcy) and I know that getting a divorce can sseriously affect your credit and I cant afford that.
If we got a divorce I dont think that I would be able to make all the payments on everything and because everything is in my name I know that he will not take responsibility.
I feel trapped and I am wondering if there is any way that i might be able to get a divorce and also save my credit, Also I really know that divorces can be expensive is there any way to avoid that, i dont know if he will be cooperative and I cant afford to have this dragged out.
please help thank you
Gee, should you exchange having your brains repeatedly scattered in exchange for keeping some material goodies? Yes, of course, material goods are a non renewable resource. Your life, however, is a renewable resource. Being punch drunk from repeated blows to the head appear to already have begun.
 
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readytodie

Guest
ya know, it had occured to me that when reading some of the replies on this board some people just really know how to make a bad situation worse. If I wanted to berate myself I could do it just fine by myself, I also know a few people who are already willing to do that.

in conjunction with my original post, I know that my life is more important I am just woried that this stupid jerk that i have been so stupid enough to marry will not have only taken a year of my life and caused me repeated physical harm but I will forever be marred and not be able to further myself such as by another car, get a house, credit cards. Not the only things to life but hopefully unless he kills me I wil have a very long life and I hope it is all that it can be.

Now if there is anyone who can give me some good advice that i can use, and can help me in any way possible wth my first post than please do.

Snotty comments are not needed or welcome. This is hard enough.
 
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Boxcarbill

Guest
readytodie said:
ya know, it had occured to me that when reading some of the replies on this board some people just really know how to make a bad situation worse. If I wanted to berate myself I could do it just fine by myself, I also know a few people who are already willing to do that.

in conjunction with my original post, I know that my life is more important I am just woried that this stupid jerk that i have been so stupid enough to marry will not have only taken a year of my life and caused me repeated physical harm but I will forever be marred and not be able to further myself such as by another car, get a house, credit cards. Not the only things to life but hopefully unless he kills me I wil have a very long life and I hope it is all that it can be.

Now if there is anyone who can give me some good advice that i can use, and can help me in any way possible wth my first post than please do.

Snotty comments are not needed or welcome. This is hard enough.

Look you know exactly what needs to be done and you just don't like the answer. You can (a) stay with him and take a beating in order to have him help with the bills or (b) you can leave him knowing that you and he contracted with the creditors and that the creditors are not bound by any division of debts in the divorce. The creditors are not a party to the divorce action and are not bound by anything that the court states. The creditor contracted with you and your husband and will look to you and your husband jointly and severally for payment. If they don't get paid they will turn in a negative credit report on both of you. Now that is just the way it is. Pick (a) or (b). Or you can set there and hope and dream that he will stop beating you and you can stay with him or you can hope and dream that he will help pay off the bills after the divorce. But the reality is either stay or leave and live with the result of staying or leaving. To me this is a no-brainer but I gave up on attempting to represent abused women who never went through with the divorce but went running back to the abuser as soon as they found out that they would have to go to work.

This is free advice. You may chose how to use the information but you don't get to chose for the information is delievered.
 
Z

zappy

Guest
I gave up on attempting to represent abused women who never went through with the divorce but went running back to the abuser as soon as they found out that they would have to go to work.....
==========================

.....No TRUER WORDS have been spoken!

Some wimmin just dont wanna work, no matter how bad it gets at home.
 

stephenk

Senior Member
hire an attorney, file for divorce, file for a restraining order, call the police and have him arrested the next time he hits you, sell the stuff you dont need so you can pay the bills.

See, not a sarcastic or snotty reply. Call the attorney tomorrow morning, first thing.
 
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Jeffrey2003

Guest
Jerks are everywhere

Readyto die...

Do you have the financial ability to hire an attorney without your spouse's knowledge? I'm hoping since all the bills are in your name, that you're the primary bread winner. If not, Call the local battered womans center for resources and advice. Often there are free legal resources available, but that should be your last resort. And be prepared to go the shelter. How will your spouse react to your departure? If you suspect outrage and more violence, don't rely on the restraining order. I'm sure you know all this, but just in case. I hope no kids involved?! Worry about your safety first, your future second, your credit last. If you are injured by him call police, take pictures of your injuries, and go into hiding. If you think he may seriously harm you, go to another city if need be. Screw your job...get a leave of absense if need be.

Stay in touch, MOST users of this forum feel for you!

Boxcarbilly, nice display of compassion for your fellow mankind. Did your mama abuse you when you were little? Is the wee genitalia issue affecting your thinking? Are you married? Oh, stupid question.
 
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MaggieK

Guest
You do not have to hire an attorney. Save yourself thousands, hire a paralegal to prepare your paperwork, file for divorce and be done with it. Your state allows for pro se divorces. An attorney will drag this out for long past the 6 months, tops, it should take and at a price you simply would not believe! If done correctly and carefully, you can do it. You can get a restraining order without hiring an attorney too. I would do that for sure, call your local clerk of court for info. Check into paralegals before you hire an attorney. So many rush to attorneys only to return complaining about the expense. Well..duh...see what you can do for yourself first! Best of luck.
 
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Boxcarbill

Guest
Re: Jerks are everywhere

Jeffrey2003 said:


Boxcarbilly, nice display of compassion for your fellow mankind. Did your mama abuse you when you were little? Is the wee genitalia issue affecting your thinking? Are you married? Oh, stupid question.
Oh sweetheart, if you knew to whom you spoke. I have both a doctorate of jurisprudence and a law license and just enough stupidity the first 10 years of practice to think that women in abusive relationships wanted out and it was the lack of a place to go and a lawyer to represent them which kept them from doing so. What the sociologist and psychologist have overlooked is that drama is addictive. And police coming out and neighbors standing on the door step and family members make the abused person the center of attention. Family events are centered, arranged and cancelled based upon what "X" will do or will "X" allow "y" to participate. Hell the abused spouse can upstage the bride at a wedding. It is damn hard to give up the drama of being the spotlight and go to the mundane work, sleep, eat and excrete lifestyle.

It doesn't change after children are born. The woman just has anothe excuse for staying that is acceptable to the neighbors and family. Then she lets him pound the hell out of the kids (in some cases kill them) because she suffers from the battered woman syndrome./ You are absolutely correct I have zero tolerance for stupid, ignorant people who have a thousand excuses why they cannot get out and why they are deserving of sympathy. You should be glad that I'm not the CDA because if I were I would damn sure prosecute these women as a party to the offense in every child endangerment or abuse case. And I can promise you it would give these women the ovum to get out rather than to do some pen time.
 
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hmmbrdzz

Guest
Re: Re: Jerks are everywhere

Boxcarbill said:
Oh sweetheart, if you knew to whom you spoke. I have both a doctorate of jurisprudence and a law license and just enough stupidity the first 10 years of practice to think that women in abusive relationships wanted out and it was the lack of a place to go and a lawyer to represent them which kept them from doing so. What the sociologist and psychologist have overlooked is that drama is addictive. And police coming out and neighbors standing on the door step and family members make the abused person the center of attention. Family events are centered, arranged and cancelled based upon what "X" will do or will "X" allow "y" to participate. Hell the abused spouse can upstage the bride at a wedding. It is damn hard to give up the drama of being the spotlight and go to the mundane work, sleep, eat and excrete lifestyle.

It doesn't change after children are born. The woman just has anothe excuse for staying that is acceptable to the neighbors and family. Then she lets him pound the hell out of the kids (in some cases kill them) because she suffers from the battered woman syndrome./ You are absolutely correct I have zero tolerance for stupid, ignorant people who have a thousand excuses why they cannot get out and why they are deserving of sympathy. You should be glad that I'm not the CDA because if I were I would damn sure prosecute these women as a party to the offense in every child endangerment or abuse case. And I can promise you it would give these women the ovum to get out rather than to do some pen time.

My response: I read that about three times and really liked it.

hmmbrdzz
 
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Jeffrey2003

Guest
Are you posting to help the poster or amuse your fellow attorneys

Boxcar, You may be absolutely right on all points. But you have no way of knowing if it applies in this person's case. The lady asked a question and you threw her in the cesspool. I hope I never stand before you with you sitting as a judge. Your basing your decision on this person soley based on your past experience. Is that what they taught you in law school? Has "practicing" law made you that bitter and that prejudicial?

With your extensive legal background, why not try to help the people who post here...until at least they prove themselves to be the drama addict you loathe. If you take offense to their postings, then follow your own advice, and "simply avert your eyes."

I guess looking back over this forum, you have a lot of company. How sad. I, like Readytodie, came to this forum desparate for information at a time when our lives feel as upside down as you could ever imagine. Sure we know we need to get our asses in front of a qualified DR attorney. I had to wait over three weeks to see mine. In the meantime life goes on, and questions need answered.

Why am I wasting my time typing this? I have no better chance of changing your MO as I do of winning the PowerBall lottery.
 
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Boxcarbill

Guest
Re: Are you posting to help the poster or amuse your fellow attorneys

Jeffrey2003 said:
Boxcar, You may be absolutely right on all points. But you have no way of knowing if it applies in this person's case. The lady asked a question and you threw her in the cesspool. I hope I never stand before you with you sitting as a judge. Your basing your decision on this person soley based on your past experience. Is that what they taught you in law school? Has "practicing" law made you that bitter and that prejudicial?

With your extensive legal background, why not try to help the people who post here...until at least they prove themselves to be the drama addict you loathe. If you take offense to their postings, then follow your own advice, and "simply avert your eyes."

I guess looking back over this forum, you have a lot of company. How sad. I, like Readytodie, came to this forum desparate for information at a time when our lives feel as upside down as you could ever imagine. Sure we know we need to get our asses in front of a qualified DR attorney. I had to wait over three weeks to see mine. In the meantime life goes on, and questions need answered.

Why am I wasting my time typing this? I have no better chance of changing your MO as I do of winning the PowerBall lottery.
No, genius, my last post was in direct response to your asinine assumptions regarding my "compassion" to my fellow man and whether my " mama " abused me when I was little? Or "Is the wee genitalia issue affecting your thinking? Are you married? Oh, stupid question." Now pea brain do you understand who the post was directed to.

As to the original poster she asked as asinine question and received far more of an intelligent response than she deserved either time.
 
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cyana

Guest
Jeffrey, this is not "Dear Abby"

Our lawyers (Boxcarbill and stephenk) gave her valid, LEGAL, advice. Step one: Slap a restraining order and call the cops if he hits her again. Step Two: File for divorce. Maybe Step Two then One depending how fearful of her life she feels.

Her financial situation should not really matter that much. Heck, she's admitted to having credit cards, she can put a retainer fee on a credit card if she doesn't have cash on hand. Not that your ideas weren't well taken either, Jeffrey. If she feels that her life IS in immediate danger, she should go to a shelter. If she doesn't have enough $$$ to hire decent legal counsel many shelters, YW's, JCC's can offer suggestions too.

But she should not be "dithering" because her credit might be wrecked.
 
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Jeffrey2003

Guest
Cyana

I have no issue with the advice stephenk provided. And now you too are providing sound advice. What was Boxcarwilly's initial contribution: "Gee, should you exchange having your brains repeatedly scattered in exchange for keeping some material goodies?" Is that the manner in which the bar prefers valid, legal advice to be delivered? Thank god he's not a doctor! His bed side manner would be something like "Listen stupid, you have cancer, your ass is toast. Accept it and get on with dieing. Pay the nurse on the way out"

I'm not saying his advice wasn't sound...although these situations are not always as cut and dry as choose a or b.

No one likes a smart ass, especially in time of need. I know this is not Dear Abby. Readytodie was not asking for advice on how to make her man love her more. She was asking how to get out of a bad marriage in a way that doesn't ruin every other aspect of her life. Clearly she's trying to weigh the choice to turn her entire life upside down through divorce. I can understand the strategy may call for bluntness. You and Stephenk delivered that message appropriately.

Read her initial post again. She didn't say her life is in danger, she didn't say she is being beaten. She didn't even say he's hurting her. DON'T get me wrong, his hitting her is a very dangerous sign, AND it can't continue. My only point was let's not flame a first-time poster who's asking questions. You attorneys may hear this stuff over and over. I'm guessing Readytodie probably hasn't dealt with anything like this before in her life, nor has she probably talked to another living sole about her plight.

I'll bet boxcarwilly is a great attorney, and I'll bet he would never respond that way to a new client sitting in his office. So why do it here. Let's not hide behind the anonymity of this forum to take out frustrations. All that is going to do is chase away posters....which defeats the entire purpose of this forum.
Keep up the good work and be glad you'll probably never find yourself in readytodie's position. I've been there, its no fun.
 

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