Child support, taxes, and "signing off"

[jdlech]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Michigan
I have recently separated from my wife of 7 years and now my wife is alternating between threats of "punishing" me with child support, and asking me to "sign off" on my parental rights to our two children.

First off, Does releasing me from my parental rights to a child also release me from paying child support? If not, then why would I (or anybody) want to be released from their parental rights?

Second, My wife had done our finances for years and would not allow me to see our financial condition. Since I left (actually, she kicked me out of the apartment and I chose not to return) I've found that she has 9 credit cards. Some of them are in her maiden name, and the rest are in some permutation of her maden name and my last name. All 9 cards have been over their limit for years. I took with me the two cards that are in my name and have been paying down the debt. She has about $6000 in CC debt and at the time I left, I had $3200 in CC debt. I've been able to pay that down to $2300 since leaving.
I am very much worried about the divorce court forcing me to pay part of her debt as well as mine. Would paying down my CC debt before entering into a divorce be a wise move? Or should I maintain the balance and use it to counter her debts?

Another part of this is this years taxes. We separated the beginning of Novermber. But she has informed me that she plans of filing separately and claiming both children on her taxes. That means she would get money back while I get stuck owing about $1300 to the IRS. Is there any legal means of making her file jointly? If not, then would the MI divorce courts consider this debt as they divide the debts between us?

A response to any or all of these questions is appreciated.

 

[gatorguy3]

re: child support, taxes, and "signing off"

I don't know about Michigan, without researching it, but in Florida (concerning the taxes) you should be able to file as you filed before (joint or head of household) and you can claim the children as they were under your care for more than 6 months out of that year. If she claims them too, the IRS will audit her and possibly you as well.

My ex left in July and I was able to claim all the children (my son, her son, and her daughter from a previous relationship) as I did the previous few years. I filed as I did previously as Head of Household. Although this required her signature on the check, there was not other way around it. I gave her a small portion of the return.

The credit card stuff is wierd. If you are not on those accounts, you are not responsible for them. I personally would not pay a dime on them. That sounds like some serious wierd stuff.

I would not sign off on rights as they can still come after you for support. I would not sign off anyway as my son means too much to me.

 

[Michigan Lady]

Something To Think About!!!!!

Do you intend to get a divorce? If you do, retain an attorney and file. You should be able to put in the summons, that additional credit card debt acquired by her from the filing of the summons to the final decree is her responsibility and will not be split in the divorce. The longer you wait, the more debt she can be running up, and yes Mich. is an "equitable distribution" state, they may or may not split those debts 50-50. Remember, she could be using those cards to buy kids clothes, etc., because she has to if money is tight. (You could also be required to pay temporary support in the summons too and you should be paying it!). Additionally, I ASSUME you love your children, no amount of money would make me sign off parental rights, just to get out of paying child support, which quite honestly, should be paid. Are you paying anything now?, if you are, at least make sure you are writing checks, no cash exchange, and making her sign a receipt that she recieved it and it is for the support of the kids. Kids are kids, you cannot put a cash value on them. I was divorced in Michigan in 1984, in Oakland Cty., and I can assure you, the "Friend of the Court" there really frowns upon putting the kids in the middle, and not paying support to piss off your ex., and the laws have gotten stricter in the ways the court can force you to pay. Apparently now, they can even yank your driver's license for failure to pay child support. I would contact an atty., you can get names of them from the Yellow Pages who offer free consultations, (go to a few), hire one and file. Also, have them include if they can in the summons, the tax issue. She will be putting herself in a higher tax bracket if she files "married filing singlely" too. Does she work?. You need to do what is best for the kids, pay your support on time, and exercise your right to visitation. Are you seeing them currently? You and your wife are not #1 here, THE KIDS ARE! Divorce can really screw with the kids minds, why not just do what is best for them, if not I can guarentee you it will only cause them, you, and your wife grief and trouble in later yrs....something to think about!

 

[LdiJ]

I don't know about Michigan, without researching it, but in Florida (concerning the taxes) you should be able to file as you filed before (joint or head of household) and you can claim the children as they were under your care for more than 6 months out of that year. If she claims them too, the IRS will audit her and possibly you as well.

My ex left in July and I was able to claim all the children (my son, her son, and her daughter from a previous relationship) as I did the previous few years. I filed as I did previously as Head of Household. Although this required her signature on the check, there was not other way around it. I gave her a small portion of the return.

The credit card stuff is wierd. If you are not on those accounts, you are not responsible for them. I personally would not pay a dime on them. That sounds like some serious wierd stuff.

I would not sign off on rights as they can still come after you for support. I would not sign off anyway as my son means too much to me.

While he could certainly attempt to file "head of household" and claim the children...he definitely cannot attempt to file jointly. He couldn't file jointly without forging her signature and that is a serious crime. He couldn't force her to file jointly even if they were still together. Although judge's have ordered separated parties to file jointly, in doing that a judge would be making an illegal order.

She also can attempt to file head of household and claim the children as well, and then they will both be dealing with a mess with the IRS....that may not be pretty.

My advice as far as the taxes is concerned is that he go ahead and file married filing separately, and petition that the tax return that she recieves be included in the property settlement.

They have been married 7 years. Any debts accumulated during the marriage will be considered as marital debts and be part of the property settlement, no matter who name those debts are in. The same applies to marital assets. He will be responsible for whatever the judge determines he is responsible for....and needs to pay whatever he is ordered to pay (as does she).

 

[jdlech]

That's Good news, and that's bad news,

Don't get me wrong, I have no intention of "signing off" on my children; I love them too much for that. I started paying her $100 per week from the start and the check specifically states that it's for child support. That way the court can't go all the way back to November for back child support. $100 per week is probably less than what the courts would have me pay but it's what she asked for, and I agreed to it (despite appearances, I'm no dummy). A lawyer already told me it's a smart thing to do.

I see my children 3 nights per week by mutual agreement. Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday afternoon. But she keeps calling me and asking me to run over there to take care of our kids at the last minute. Sometimes I can do it and sometimes I cant. But she get's angry with me for saying no. And sometimes she tries to block me from leaving so we can "talk". That's her word for her spewing hatred at me while I stand there and listen. I'm not to defend myself when she does that (verbally or other wise). And I don't dare touch her, let alone move her out of the way. She likes to call the police (although she hates when I do). So how can I document such events when she can just as easily deny it later; no witnesses.
It's not as if I fear for my life. I'm a big guy and could easily stop her from nearly any action. But why should I have to deal with this? How do I stop her from doing this? How do I prove she did it after the fact?

Except for her finanacial shenannigans, I have little reason to divorce. Physical separation solved all the other problems. However, she just sent my new address to a collection agency and they are now asking me to cough up $8200 for a car that was recently repossessed (her 2nd car, she still has one). This is in addition to the $6000 in CC debt she has and the $3000 in CC debt I left with (now paid down to $2200). So far, the damage is a whopping $17,000 in debt and I'm still discovering the financial mess she has made. I only make $37K gross, she makes $30K too but she works two full time jobs to make that much. Her financial mismanagement has us both buried.

I'm also taking a major risk in not "nuking" the family. The lease is still in my name. It would cost me $1200 to break the lease and get my name off of it. But at $620/month she could rack up quite a bill before getting evicted. Plus how do you think it would look if I break the lease (also forfeiting the deposit) and she can't come up with enough money to sign a new lease? It'll look as if I'm forcing my own family out of their apartment.

A little background information here. I drove a semi across the country for 5 of the 7 years. She had full control over the finances by neccessity. When I came home for good, I wanted to do the finances together but she refused to even show me anything. Any attempt to surreptitiously find anything out was met with violent opposition. And I mean physically violent. All offers of help and even the aid of a financial planner was refused. On the advice of a marriage councellor, she finally agreed to include me on the finances. Her idea was to have me write the checks and I was not to ask any questions. When I turned that down, she turned it around and started claiming it was I who refused to touch the finances.

And now that I've left, I'm finding out why.

So here is the next question. Can I file an effective bankruptsy before a divorce (without her cooperation)? Or am I forced to file for divorce so I can clear my half of the debt and start over?

In the state of Michigan, custody goes to the woman 85% of the time. That leaves me with practically having to prove she is a danger to our two children before they take them away from her. I also fear her reaction if I even try for custody. She can get rather violent at times. I have video tape of her going ballistic, and audio tape of her threatening me with suicide over the phone. My answering machine clearly states that I screen and record all calls. That stopped her from making most of her wild claims over the phone. I've been hoping we could make reasonable arrangements by ourselves and then get an uncontested divorce. But it's starting to look like that is not going to happen.

But she is not a menace to our children. To me; yes, but not to our children.
And I still don't want to get lawyers and "nuke" the family. That is my last option.