children

[jpscuba3]

I have been divorced now for going on two years. Everything started in 2005, and my divorce was finalized in 2006. I immersed myself into workk for the first few years dealing with everything that happened, and really had no ijterest in dating at that time. Now that I have began dating again, I have found this great woman who is a single parent as well and we have a great time together. I kept the house from the marriage, and she got our timeshare. We have been talking about combining households off and on, and I want to introduce my children to her. My oldest is emotionally scarred by this divorce, and when I bring up the subject he wants to have a "family vacation" so that he can have memories of how we use to be. I have emphasized to him that we will not be getting back together, and that his mom and I love him very much but can't be together. My new girlfriend and I are plannign a trip and we want to take them along to visit some family later this month. I wish to talk to my ex, and explain to her that I have met someone and that I would like foe her to help make this transition smooth for our kids. It would be the same way if she were to meet someone as well. How do I make this as painless for the children? very confused. There were no items mentioned in the divorce about this other than to tell the other person if you were planning on geting married. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

 

[Silverplum]

I have been divorced now for going on two years. Everything started in 2005, and my divorce was finalized in 2006. I immersed myself into workk for the first few years dealing with everything that happened, and really had no ijterest in dating at that time. Now that I have began dating again, I have found this great woman who is a single parent as well and we have a great time together. I kept the house from the marriage, and she got our timeshare. We have been talking about combining households off and on, and I want to introduce my children to her. My oldest is emotionally scarred by this divorce, and when I bring up the subject he wants to have a "family vacation" so that he can have memories of how we use to be. I have emphasized to him that we will not be getting back together, and that his mom and I love him very much but can't be together. My new girlfriend and I are plannign a trip and we want to take them along to visit some family later this month. I wish to talk to my ex, and explain to her that I have met someone and that I would like foe her to help make this transition smooth for our kids. It would be the same way if she were to meet someone as well. How do I make this as painless for the children? very confused. There were no items mentioned in the divorce about this other than to tell the other person if you were planning on geting married. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

This is a PARENTING issue, not a LEGAL question.

I suggest you seek a different site, or read a book about successful coparenting after divorce.

 

[mistoffolees]

As explained above, it's not a legal issue. However, make sure your divorce decree doesn't have any restrictions on overnight guests before doing anything.

 

[jpscuba3]

confused

Thanks for the advice. This is all new to me, so please forgive my mistake. The only thing that was stated in the divorce decree was that we should not have overnight guest at our respective homes. But let me ask this question? Does the divorce decree end when we are officially divorced or was this meant to last indefinitely? I am not certain if it was in the decree or just in our mediation agreement, but I will check. Some of my friends are saying that I can do whatever since we are no longer officially married.

 

[Silverplum]

Thanks for the advice. This is all new to me, so please forgive my mistake. The only thing that was stated in the divorce decree was that we should not have overnight guest at our respective homes. But let me ask this question? Does the divorce decree end when we are officially divorced or was this meant to last indefinitely? I am not certain if it was in the decree or just in our mediation agreement, but I will check. Some of my friends are saying that I can do whatever since we are no longer officially married.

A court order is in full effect until and unless portions or all of it are modified. In your case, it affects the children. So it's in effect until the children are gone from your home and adults.

So, yes, you are still barred from having overnighters with the femininas.

 

[mistoffolees]

Thanks for the advice. This is all new to me, so please forgive my mistake. The only thing that was stated in the divorce decree was that we should not have overnight guest at our respective homes. But let me ask this question? Does the divorce decree end when we are officially divorced or was this meant to last indefinitely? I am not certain if it was in the decree or just in our mediation agreement, but I will check. Some of my friends are saying that I can do whatever since we are no longer officially married.

If it's in your divorce decree, your friends are wrong. You're stuck with it unless you get it changed.

Comments:
1. If it really says no women overnight IN YOUR HOUSE when the kids are there, you might think it's OK to sleep with her if you're on vacation. I don't know if she'd win if she filed for contempt, but that would clearly be a violation of the intent of the decree. I would make sure she has a hotel room of her own if it were me.
2. In most of the decrees I've seen, it will say something like 'no unrelated persons of the opposite sex...'. That presumably ends if you remarry. However, better make sure it says that. If not, you'll probably need to get a modification if you choose to marry.

 

[Darthpaul]

I don't know if she'd win if she filed for contempt, but that would clearly be a violation of the intent of the decree.

What would be penalty for a violation of this sort?

 

[LdiJ]

What would be penalty for a violation of this sort?

It could be as light as a serious scolding from the judge (which lessens your credibility with the judge if you ever have to go back in front of the judge for any reason) or as serious as a fine and perhaps even having to pay her attorney fees.

So, it could be very expensive.

 

[mistoffolees]

It could be as light as a serious scolding from the judge (which lessens your credibility with the judge if you ever have to go back in front of the judge for any reason) or as serious as a fine and perhaps even having to pay her attorney fees.

So, it could be very expensive.

In theory, it could be worse than that. If he does it enough, it could affect custody and visitation. I don't personally know of any cases, so I don't know if that actually happens, but the judge has the right to consider factors like that in custody. And a person intentionally flouting the judge's orders isn't going to make him/her happy.

 

[jpscuba3]

Ok, thanks for all of the replies. From now on I will try to be much more specific, and only ask questions that are of legal nature in question.
1. I should have specified that when my grlfriend and are going out of town she will be staying with her fsmily, and I will be staying with my brother and his family.
2. In the divorce decree it states that neither of us should have overnight guests during the time that we have our children with us. I still need to triple check this as I believe that the mediation agreement is what was sent to the judge for his signature.
3. If I go over to my girlfriends house with my children and her child is there as well, and we all end up spending the night, and I sleep in the room with my children is that a violation since it was never discussed?
4. My divorce was finalized in 2006, but we never signed a paper releasing each other from financial responsibility. The only thing that is still out there hanging so to speak is the splitting of the 401 K, and alimony. She indicated that she does not want any of my 401k, and I certainly don't want any of hers as well. I have suggested that the two of us have a paper drawn up, and that we present it to the courts, and we will have finished everything completely. Someone told me that she would not be entitled to alimony since she was working during the whole time of our marriage?
5. I retrieved all of my files from my attorney, because I was not happy with the representation I had. They were in the same office with opposing counsel, and shared secretaries and I believe that there may have been more going onthan meets the eye.

I am not in a position to hire another attorney, so I am hpoing to finsh and do whatever needs to be done myself in reference to court actions. In our decree I am supposed to have the children with me for Father's, but theywer sent to her families without any consideration. I was angry and thought about taking her to court, but I have requested them for this July 4 weekend, and she agreed since she typically has them during that time. I hope to have evening visits with them since I am currently not able to have overnight visits because I work a part ime job at night, but hopefully this won't last too long. I hope that I have kept this legal this time. Thanks

 

[mistoffolees]

Ok, thanks for all of the replies. From now on I will try to be much more specific, and only ask questions that are of legal nature in question.
1. I should have specified that when my grlfriend and are going out of town she will be staying with her fsmily, and I will be staying with my brother and his family.
2. In the divorce decree it states that neither of us should have overnight guests during the time that we have our children with us. I still need to triple check this as I believe that the mediation agreement is what was sent to the judge for his signature.
3. If I go over to my girlfriends house with my children and her child is there as well, and we all end up spending the night, and I sleep in the room with my children is that a violation since it was never discussed?
4. My divorce was finalized in 2006, but we never signed a paper releasing each other from financial responsibility. The only thing that is still out there hanging so to speak is the splitting of the 401 K, and alimony. She indicated that she does not want any of my 401k, and I certainly don't want any of hers as well. I have suggested that the two of us have a paper drawn up, and that we present it to the courts, and we will have finished everything completely. Someone told me that she would not be entitled to alimony since she was working during the whole time of our marriage?
5. I retrieved all of my files from my attorney, because I was not happy with the representation I had. They were in the same office with opposing counsel, and shared secretaries and I believe that there may have been more going onthan meets the eye.

I am not in a position to hire another attorney, so I am hpoing to finsh and do whatever needs to be done myself in reference to court actions. In our decree I am supposed to have the children with me for Father's, but theywer sent to her families without any consideration. I was angry and thought about taking her to court, but I have requested them for this July 4 weekend, and she agreed since she typically has them during that time. I hope to have evening visits with them since I am currently not able to have overnight visits because I work a part ime job at night, but hopefully this won't last too long. I hope that I have kept this legal this time. Thanks

1. That will certainly be OK and is the best way to handle it. Spend all day together and then each so somewhere different at night. (Note: some decrees specify that the OP has to leave your home by a given time to give the kids time to settle down and get ready for bed. Check yours).

2. Check it carefully and follow the rules. However, remember the intent is to protect the kids, so if something is OK by the letter of the agreement but violates the spirit, you're better off avoiding it.

3. This is one that might be OK for the letter of the agreement, but I would suggest that you avoid doing it. Your ex can drag you back in for contempt. Even if she doesn't win, you're still going to have to spend time and money defending yourself. Arguably, 'no harm, no foul' comes into play, but I wouldn't want to rely on it.

4. Get the financial stuff straightened out ASAP. If the split is reasonable, it should go smoothly. You might get some push back from the court if they feel that the kids will be shortchanged or if one party is pressured to do something terribly one-sided. The statement about alimony is incorrect. Alimony will depend on how long you were married, the DIFFERENCE in your incomes, and local rules and customs. If your incomes were similar, alimony is much less likely than if your incomes were very different. Child support needs to be addressed, though.

5. That MAY be a violation of ethics. It probably depends on the relationship between the attorneys and/or the secretary. You might check with the state bar. Why did you choose your attorney if your ex was there already? Or if she started using them after you did, why didn't you object at the time? Since you didn't object at the time, there may be nothing you can do about it.