children rights in divorce

[boys4]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? californiaWhat is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

I am seriously considering leaving my emotionally disturbed husband soon but need advice pertaining to my four sons. Do they have the right to choose a parent to live with. my husband threathens me with stating my instability in there lives, and my boys will pretty much say what they are told to say by there father. My husband has threathened me with being unfaithful, has threathened to call my employer to have me fired in which case I will not be able to support my children. He is a very depressed abusive person, but I do not want to put my children in anymore emotional situations. What rights do I have as their mother.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? californiaWhat is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

I am seriously considering leaving my emotionally disturbed husband soon but need advice pertaining to my four sons. Do they have the right to choose a parent to live with. my husband threathens me with stating my instability in there lives, and my boys will pretty much say what they are told to say by there father. My husband has threathened me with being unfaithful, has threathened to call my employer to have me fired in which case I will not be able to support my children. He is a very depressed abusive person, but I do not want to put my children in anymore emotional situations. What rights do I have as their mother.

You have been unfaithful? How would your husband get you fired? The children do not get the right to choose a parent to live with until they are 18. Regarding your four sons, since we do not know the ages, we cannot determine if they have that choice. As their mother, you have equal rights to the children's father. You can leave your husband but realize that he will still be their parent and you are stuck with him for lifetimes. Your husband will also have the right to custody, decision making and time with the children -- just as you do. Expect a GAL to be appointed.

 

[mistoffolees]

You have been unfaithful? How would your husband get you fired? The children do not get the right to choose a parent to live with until they are 18. Regarding your four sons, since we do not know the ages, we cannot determine if they have that choice. As their mother, you have equal rights to the children's father. You can leave your husband but realize that he will still be their parent and you are stuck with him for lifetimes. Your husband will also have the right to custody, decision making and time with the children -- just as you do. Expect a GAL to be appointed.

I don't think she has been unfaithful. As I read it, he threatened her by saying that HE would be unfaithful.

Just to expand slightly, the custody decision will be based on what the judge thinks is the best thing for the kids. In some states, the default is 50:50, but that's not universal. OP can check on her state. She states that stbx is very disturbed. If that is really true and can be demonstrated to the satisfaction of the court and IF it can be shown to affect the father's ability to rear the children, she will have an advantage in the custody decision. OTOH, it it's nothing but her own reaction to his personality and can't be proved, her claims that he is disturbed will be meaningless. Proving that he's unstable enough to be a problem for the kids is likely to be difficult unless she has detailed medical reports.

Also, depending on the judge, some weight will be given to the children's wishes even if they're not yet 18. If they're under 12 or 13, their wishes won't matter much (if at all), but in the teen years, if the kids have a very strong preference for one parent over the other, it can be considered - particularly if the kid(s) can present a logical, mature explanation of how they arrived at that decision.

I would start by contacting an attorney. If the husband has made threats, talk to the attorney about a restraining order. For example, you might be able to get the judge to forbid him from contacting anyone at your workplace. That's not something that's done lightly, though, and would require significant proof that you are at risk of harm. If he does it, though, it will put him in hot water with the court - SERIOUS hot water.

 

[majomom1]

I don't think she has been unfaithful. As I read it, he threatened her by saying that HE would be unfaithful.
Just to expand slightly, the custody decision will be based on what the judge thinks is the best thing for the kids. In some states, the default is 50:50, but that's not universal. OP can check on her state. She states that stbx is very disturbed. If that is really true and can be demonstrated to the satisfaction of the court and IF it can be shown to affect the father's ability to rear the children, she will have an advantage in the custody decision. OTOH, it it's nothing but her own reaction to his personality and can't be proved, her claims that he is disturbed will be meaningless. Proving that he's unstable enough to be a problem for the kids is likely to be difficult unless she has detailed medical reports.

Also, depending on the judge, some weight will be given to the children's wishes even if they're not yet 18. If they're under 12 or 13, their wishes won't matter much (if at all), but in the teen years, if the kids have a very strong preference for one parent over the other, it can be considered - particularly if the kid(s) can present a logical, mature explanation of how they arrived at that decision.

I would start by contacting an attorney. If the husband has made threats, talk to the attorney about a restraining order. For example, you might be able to get the judge to forbid him from contacting anyone at your workplace. That's not something that's done lightly, though, and would require significant proof that you are at risk of harm. If he does it, though, it will put him in hot water with the court - SERIOUS hot water.

That is how OP wrote it... but I think Ohiogal got the same thought I did. HE is threatening to claim that SHE is unfaithful... not that he will be. That is a general "threat" and everyone seems to think it is relevant in divorce, I know I did.

The parties should be able to come to an agreement on custody, through agreement ofr mediation. If they cannot agree, the judge will most likely order 50/50 if there are no other issues. Depending on the ages of the children, their wishes may be considered. A GAL will be appointed to help the court establish reasonable and fair for both parties, and the best interest of the children.

Intentionally causing problems at her employer would be a bad choice on his part and hopefully she has already established HER reputation with her employer, so it should not make a difference.