Completely lost, no where to turn, no help!

[klhofbauer]

What is the name of your state? We are in AZ, this deals with MICHIGAN though.

MIL: "Vera" - age 72
FIL: "John" - age 76
Married 56 years
They own a home & 5 acres up in Harbor Springs, very northern MI.

They have 5 kids, 3 sons & 2 daughters. I'm married to the youngest son.

In February, FIL & MIL had a royal "spat". Police were called, FIL claimed that MIL was trying to kill him, and heaven only knows everything else. Oldest daughter is total bitch, and the things that spew out of her mouth are so hateful and hurtful. She hates her mother, is gossipy holier-than-thou-type of person. Neither my husband nor the brother he is closest to will speak any longer to this daughter. From what we heard my MIL was having severe emotional problems, needed medication, etc... so:

Oldest daughter flew FIL down to Florida within a few days after the incident. About 2 weeks later, my BIL flew his mom down to Florida (FIL in Tampa with sister, MIL in Orlando with my BIL) My BIL & SIL said absolutely NOTHING is wrong with my mother-in-law. She's just very hurt, she's completely "mentally stable". (she stayed with them for 6 weeks).

The problem has been...

We have NO idea where to get help for my MIL! My MIL only gets 225.00 a MONTH on SS! She cannot afford an attorney, my FIL refuses to pay for ANY bills, (they have a home equity, and their bills together total about 500 per month, so with her SS & his SS, they only had a monthly income of about 750.00 anyway!!)

My FIL refuses to speak to Vera, this is just one big mess. My husband cannot get off work to go and help his mom - we feel like we have exhausted everything.

We've called the National Council on Aging, AARP, the Welfare & Food Stamps office... BIG FAT ZERO!

This woman cannot work, she would get low-income housing, but hell, they want 250! Her SS is only 225 a month!

The *itchy daughter is not helping, she SWEARS that her mom has money hidden somewhere... she does NOT have ANYTHING! She is feeding her father about this "hidden money".

Does anyone have any ideas on what we can do? All Vera needs is someone to help point her in the right directions. Some type of agency. Whenever we find a number that "might" help her - she will call them, but then just be transferred to this place or that place - and it will be a place she already called!

Is this how our elderly population gets treated? This is horrible!!

She's scared, she doesn't have the money to file for a separation or divorce, all of this is falling her her shoulders, my FIL won't help, won't even TALK to her! He's dellusional really... he doesn't have any clue how much money their piddly SS used up every month, and swears that Vera had money stashed away. She feels like everything and everyone is just completely against her, but is trying so hard to be strong.


Looking for:

1. Names of agencies that WILL help - not give the run-around.

2. Any legal advice so that she doesn't lose everything it took 55 years to earn.

3. Agencies or legal aid / lawyers that will work for free or pro bono for the elderly?

4. ANY advice to get her daughter off her back? Heck, the daughter has hated me since 1990 when I first started dating her son - believe me, I have no problem writing a scathing letter to her telling her off.. *cheesy grin* (and my MIL laughed about it, and said she didn't care if I did either! BTW.. my other SIL in Florida is like me.. both of us want to tell the daughter to back off with everything and try and work with both FIL & MIL!!)

Anything anyone can help with, please please LMK!

Thank you so much!

KH

[BelizeBreeze]

First question: are both names on the deed to the house and property?

Second Name: Does MIL want a divorce?

[klhofbauer]

Originally Posted by BelizeBreeze

First question: are both names on the deed to the house and property?

Second Name: Does MIL want a divorce?

Hi BelizeBreeze, thank you for responding so quickly.

My understanding is "yes" that both names are on the deed to house/property. I do not know if they are "joint tenants" or "tenants-in-common" or how it is written up. BUT, I can find out with just a phone call, maybe won't know today, until she would look it up. I know that she canNOT "rent out" the bottom floor of their home. They did already, however, the county came in and said it wasn't zoned commercial, so she had to stop renting. (their bottom floor of their home has a full kitchen, bath & 2 bedrooms).

She said that since my FIL won't talk to her, he says he wants a divorce, she would do it, just because she can't go through this ever again.

He will call their closest neighbor, and then give a list of "I want this or that" to the neighbor to deliver to Vera. Things like their only running vehicle (which is in his name), 1/2 of this coin collection, 1/2 of that, etc.

That's as far as I know, the last update we received from her yesterday. My SIL and I rotate and call her every other day to check in on her.

Sorry can't be more help.

Oh, yes, I forgot, she did get some food stamps for the month of April; but not welfare help (I think that is probably because of property ownership). She only has $19.00 in FS left for the month, I hope that holds out, she said she won't go hungry.

Is my FIL even "entitled" to anything? I mean, because he is the one who left, or abandoned her and the bills? Even though my SIL egged him on?


Thanks again.



PS: I want to say, I'm not trying to be abrupt on my original post or any replies, there's a lot of "personal feelings" involved, and ... while I go on tangents.. I am trying NOT to dish into those, since this is a legal advice site.


KH

[BelizeBreeze]

Originally Posted by klhofbauer

Hi BelizeBreeze, thank you for responding so quickly.

My understanding is "yes" that both names are on the deed to house/property. I do not know if they are "joint tenants" or "tenants-in-common" or how it is written up. BUT, I can find out with just a phone call, maybe won't know today, until she would look it up. I know that she canNOT "rent out" the bottom floor of their home. They did already, however, the county came in and said it wasn't zoned commercial, so she had to stop renting. (their bottom floor of their home has a full kitchen, bath & 2 bedrooms).

Not why I asked but you're on the right track

Originally Posted by klhofbauer

She said that since my FIL won't talk to her, he says he wants a divorce, she would do it, just because she can't go through this ever again.

O.K. then have her file.

Originally Posted by klhofbauer

He will call their closest neighbor, and then give a list of "I want this or that" to the neighbor to deliver to Vera. Things like their only running vehicle (which is in his name), 1/2 of this coin collection, 1/2 of that, etc.

That's fair.

Originally Posted by klhofbauer

That's as far as I know, the last update we received from her yesterday. My SIL and I rotate and call her every other day to check in on her.

The good daughters.

Originally Posted by klhofbauer

Oh, yes, I forgot, she did get some food stamps for the month of April; but not welfare help (I think that is probably because of property ownership). She only has $19.00 in FS left for the month, I hope that holds out, she said she won't go hungry.

TOP RAMIN. Great and cheap.

Originally Posted by klhofbauer

Is my FIL even "entitled" to anything? I mean, because he is the one who left, or abandoned her and the bills? Even though my SIL egged him on?

Doesn't matter who left at this point. What matters is how the property is held.

Originally Posted by klhofbauer

PS: I want to say, I'm not trying to be abrupt on my original post or any replies, there's a lot of "personal feelings" involved, and ... while I go on tangents.. I am trying NOT to dish into those, since this is a legal advice site.
KH

That's to be expected. But that's our job here: weed out the personal feelings and stick to the issues.

Now, as to the divorce here's what MIL needs to do if she can't afford an attorney at this time.

Write out her demands including Alimony at $1,000 a month or, in lieu of alimony, 100% of the proceeds from the sale of home and property. 1/2 of all personal property, 1/2 proceeds from the sale of the auto (it's community property regardless of the title) and 75% of all cash assets including case value for all insurance policies and retirement.

Have her send this notice to FIL with the following:

If we can get this divorce done quickly I will NOT file a petition for partition of the property with costs assessed to defendant including any and all legal fees associated with such sale.

I was going to suggest Jerry Springer but Belize came to the rescue.

[BethM]

If he is asking for 1/2 of this and 1/2 of that why can't she sell off the 1/2 left behind for money? I know it's "marital property" but by him taking half isn't he essentially saying the other half belongs to her? The coin collection might be of some value.

Also, my parents had the same situation as far as renting part of their home out. They were able to get a waiver that allowed them to rent even though it was not zoned commercial. It was fairly easy for them. I think it took one trip to the courthouse and some paperwork. Just an idea.

Write out her demands including Alimony at $1,000 a month or, in lieu of alimony, 100% of the proceeds from the sale of home and property. 1/2 of all personal property, 1/2 proceeds from the sale of the auto (it's community property regardless of the title) and 75% of all cash assets including case value for all insurance policies and retirement.

I love this!! Might help the FIL realize it would be cheaper to keep her. The old fool has got his panties in a wad and needs a dose of reality and that should do it.