Concerned mom

[Minime12]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ga
I'm trying to divorce my husband and he has turned everything into a custody war.
We were married for only 5 months and separated when I was 6 mnths pregnant. Our baby is now 9 mths old and he hasn't seen him in over 50 days. He is asking for joint physical custody and for me to pay him child support. In his counterclaim he states I'm a good mother but I make it difficult for him to see his child, I don't let him keep the child when I have work events and I don't tell him of medical issues.
The arrangements since our child was born was he is free to visit anytime as long as he calls or text before hand, and if we don't have plans and it's not our sons bedtime he can visit. He has on average only stopped by 1 day a week for no more than 45mins.
My lawyer tells me not to worry, but I don't understand why I should not since he has a lawyer and has filed these papers. Does he have a chance of getting any of this?
He doesn't even know my son and he wants him every 6 days!
This just doesn't seem fair.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ga
I'm trying to divorce my husband and he has turned everything into a custody war.
We were married for only 5 months and separated when I was 6 mnths pregnant. Our baby is now 9 mths old and he hasn't seen him in over 50 days. He is asking for joint physical custody and for me to pay him child support. In his counterclaim he states I'm a good mother but I make it difficult for him to see his child, I don't let him keep the child when I have work events and I don't tell him of medical issues.
The arrangements since our child was born was he is free to visit anytime as long as he calls or text before hand, and if we don't have plans and it's not our sons bedtime he can visit. He has on average only stopped by 1 day a week for no more than 45mins.
My lawyer tells me not to worry, but I don't understand why I should not since he has a lawyer and has filed these papers. Does he have a chance of getting any of this?
He doesn't even know my son and he wants him every 6 days!
This just doesn't seem fair.

A week on/off arrangement is just HORRIBLE for a baby and even if we use the term "infant", it's still horrible. Listen to your attorney. Yeah, I know, it's Friday and you want some peace of mind but honestly you need to hang on until Monday. We can't second-guess your attorney, but you need him/her to explain why you shouldn't worry.

By the same token, bedtime restrictions? Is there a reason why Dad couldn't come over and put his baby to bed? I can't see any reason why you can't work with him on that one. Quite honestly if you were still with Dad but he worked long hours, he'd still be seeing the child far less than you ... but you wouldn't even think about restricting him, right?

 

[Minime12]

A week on/off arrangement is just HORRIBLE for a baby and even if we use the term "infant", it's still horrible. Listen to your attorney. Yeah, I know, it's Friday and you want some peace of mind but honestly you need to hang on until Monday. We can't second-guess your attorney, but you need him/her to explain why you shouldn't worry.

By the same token, bedtime restrictions? Is there a reason why Dad couldn't come over and put his baby to bed? I can't see any reason why you can't work with him on that one. Quite honestly if you were still with Dad but he worked long hours, he'd still be seeing the child far less than you ... but you wouldn't even think about restricting him, right?

I don't have a problem with him putting our child to bed. But he uses the idea of being in my home to steal things or go through my mail instead of putting the baby to bed. He actually works shorter hours, he says he can't fit him in cause he doesn't live with us. If I want him to spend time with him he needs to move back in

 

[Ohiogal]

I don't have a problem with him putting our child to bed. But he uses the idea of being in my home to steal things or go through my mail instead of putting the baby to bed. He actually works shorter hours, he says he can't fit him in cause he doesn't live with us. If I want him to spend time with him he needs to move back in

Why can't dad take HIS child to his home?

 

[Minime12]

Why can't dad take HIS child to his home?

The dad has said several times that he doesn't have time for our son. He didn't make an effort the day he was born. I will try not to be offended by your term of HIS... I didn't want to put all the details in my qiestion. But to be honest, the father has stated to me and my family he shouldn't have to do anything for our child because I make more than enough money to take care of it myself. He feels that I should have gotten an abortion.. has called me a selfish bitch when I ask him to spend time with our son..
He doesn't take our son out of my house because he doesn't want to. Ive offered to meet him somewhere.
He has a history of drug use and right now he stays in the guess area of a personal care home which is full of sick elderly people.
I guess the first person was right. I should not second guess my lawyer, and I need to relac. The father doesn't care about the child he just wants money and not pay child support. He has expressed that to me as well.

 

[ShyCat]

While he might be as horrible as you paint him, before getting too judgmental about your co-parent's failings, just remember, you picked him. What did you expect?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ga
I'm trying to divorce my husband and he has turned everything into a custody war.
We were married for only 5 months and separated when I was 6 mnths pregnant. Our baby is now 9 mths old and he hasn't seen him in over 50 days. He is asking for joint physical custody and for me to pay him child support. In his counterclaim he states I'm a good mother but I make it difficult for him to see his child, I don't let him keep the child when I have work events and I don't tell him of medical issues.
The arrangements since our child was born was he is free to visit anytime as long as he calls or text before hand, and if we don't have plans and it's not our sons bedtime he can visit. He has on average only stopped by 1 day a week for no more than 45mins.
My lawyer tells me not to worry, but I don't understand why I should not since he has a lawyer and has filed these papers. Does he have a chance of getting any of this?
He doesn't even know my son and he wants him every 6 days!
This just doesn't seem fair.

Your lawyer is right. You really do need to relax. Just because someone asks for something, doesn't mean that they are going to get it. You have 9 months of status quo on your side. Dad will get joint legal custody (joint decision making) and a parenting schedule, but he has virtually no chance to get primary custody or child support.

 

[stealth2]

While he might be as horrible as you paint him, before getting too judgmental about your co-parent's failings, just remember, you picked him. What did you expect?

But that 30 seconds was awesome.

Really, OP - if you knew this history - why did you marry him? Why did you sleep with him?

And the point of a poster using "his" child" was in direct counterpoint to your using "my" child. That child is both of yours. Biologically 50/50. It is arrogant to claim the child as solely yours. Your name is likely not Mary, nor did you have a virgin birth. Accept the man you chose to father your child. Accept your faulty choice.

 

[Ohiogal]

But that 30 seconds was awesome.

Really, OP - if you knew this history - why did you marry him? Why did you sleep with him?

And the point of a poster using "his" child" was in direct counterpoint to your using "my" child. That child is both of yours. Biologically 50/50. It is arrogant to claim the child as solely yours. Your name is likely not Mary, nor did you have a virgin birth. Accept the man you chose to father your child. Accept your faulty choice.

The other reason I used HIS was to point out that they are married and dad has EQUAL rights to the child and mom is somewhat interfering with the relationship by saying he can VISIT in HER home.

 

[LdiJ]

The other reason I used HIS was to point out that they are married and dad has EQUAL rights to the child and mom is somewhat interfering with the relationship by saying he can VISIT in HER home.

It appears however, that he doesn't WANT anything else...except perhaps to move back in. She cannot force him to spend time with the child.

 

[Proserpina]

It appears however, that he doesn't WANT anything else...except perhaps to move back in. She cannot force him to spend time with the child.

That's the thing which struck me. I know we only ever have the OP's word for what's going on but assuming Mom is being upfront, it's more than painfully clear that Dad's doing this for reasons not in the best interest of the child.

I do think Mom should listen to her attorney - because she had/has Weekendworry Syndrome (and event though that's not real, it should be and it should be named after me) and truthfully her attorney is the only one who can assuage Mom's fears.

It's only 48 hours, Mom, till you can call your attorney. Don't drive yourself batty in the meantime.