Constructive Abandonment in VA

[vadad]

Virginia

I have a situation where my wife has pretty much abandoned our marriage through the use of drugs and alcohol. The only time she is not high is when she is at work. And even that is questionable. We have been married for 21 years and we have 2 children left at home. I understand that through this law i can leave and claim constructive abandonment because i cannot live with her anymore because of the drug and alcohol abuse. But that is impossible because i don't trust her to make sound decisions at home with our children alone. While i don't fear for their lives at this point, i'm sure that she would take care of them, her judgment is always in question because she is always high at home.

My question is, is it possible to have her removed from the home because of her "constructive abandonment" behavior, rather than me leaving?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[mistoffolees]

Virginia

I have a situation where my wife has pretty much abandoned our marriage through the use of drugs and alcohol. The only time she is not high is when she is at work. And even that is questionable. We have been married for 21 years and we have 2 children left at home. I understand that through this law i can leave and claim constructive abandonment because i cannot live with her anymore because of the drug and alcohol abuse. But that is impossible because i don't trust her to make sound decisions at home with our children alone. While i don't fear for their lives at this point, i'm sure that she would take care of them, her judgment is always in question because she is always high at home.

My question is, is it possible to have her removed from the home because of her "constructive abandonment" behavior, rather than me leaving?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

Probably not. The biggest problem is that it doesn't sound like have proof of drug or alcohol abuse that would stand up in court.. What you can do is file for divorce and ask for temporary custody and exclusive use of the marital home.

As you've guessed, you do NOT want to leave the home and leave the kids there. If you did that, you'd have just told the world that you consider her to be fit to take care of the children.

How old are the kids and who is the primary caretaker at this point?

 

[Zigner]

Spouse magically sobers up upon arriving at work and then magically returns to the "high" state upon departing?

Hyperbole will not help you.

 

[vadad]

The children are 10 and 13. Since she has been working i have pretty much taken over running the house and holding down my full time job because anytime she is home, she doesn't do anything..

And no, she does not just magically sober up before work. She is a waitress and works odd hours with long hours between shifts, so she can get high for a while and still be fine for work. Her drug of choice is the over the counter mucus relief stuff. She takes 6 times the recommended dosage and then follows that with a beer or two at night. But when she takes it during the day, she does not drink with it. This has been going on for years, and she has the timing down pretty good on when and how much she can take. It's really quite amazing, and very sad to watch the transformation from slurring every other word to totally coherent.

I have given her chance after chance to get cleaned up..but she refuses..

 

[mistoffolees]

The children are 10 and 13. Since she has been working i have pretty much taken over running the house and holding down my full time job because anytime she is home, she doesn't do anything..

As Zig said, hyperbole won't help you. She doesn't do ANYTHING? Really?

And no, she does not just magically sober up before work. She is a waitress and works odd hours with long hours between shifts, so she can get high for a while and still be fine for work. Her drug of choice is the over the counter mucus relief stuff. She takes 6 times the recommended dosage and then follows that with a beer or two at night. But when she takes it during the day, she does not drink with it. This has been going on for years, and she has the timing down pretty good on when and how much she can take. It's really quite amazing, and very sad to watch the transformation from slurring every other word to totally coherent.

I have given her chance after chance to get cleaned up..but she refuses..

OK. So you don't have any evidence that she abuses drugs. More importantly, you don't have any evidence that she's a danger to the children.

Oh, and btw, it's hard to believe she's getting high on 'mucus relief stuff'. The most commonly used 'mucus relief' stuff is guanifesin. The most common side effects are:

allergic reactions like skin rash, itching or hives, swelling of the face, lips, or tongue
dizziness
headache
stomach upset

I don't see any sign that it will make her high.

 

[Bali Hai]

As Zig said, hyperbole won't help you. She doesn't do ANYTHING? Really?



OK. So you don't have any evidence that she abuses drugs. More importantly, you don't have any evidence that she's a danger to the children.

Oh, and btw, it's hard to believe she's getting high on 'mucus relief stuff'. The most commonly used 'mucus relief' stuff is guanifesin. The most common side effects are:

allergic reactions like skin rash, itching or hives, swelling of the face, lips, or tongue
dizziness
headache
stomach upset

I don't see any sign that it will make her high.

I thought I was seeing an add for medication there for a minute.

A swollen tongue would cause slurred speech.
Dizziness would cause staggering.

These two items along with hives, swelling of the face and lips, headache and upset stomach could produce symtoms of being high don't you think?

Pretend the OP is the wife and complaining about the husband and amend your posts accordingly.

 

[Zigner]

Pretend the OP is the wife and complaining about the husband and amend your posts accordingly.

Given the exact same set of circumstances with only the gender's being reversed, the advice would remain the same.

See, Bali, the one who's got gender-bias is YOU.

 

[Bali Hai]

Given the exact same set of circumstances with only the gender's being reversed, the advice would remain the same.

See, Bali, the one who's got gender-bias is YOU.

I might admit to over-compensating a bit to level the playing field, but only if YOU & your cronies admit to stacking the deck.

 

[Zigner]

I might admit to over-compensating a bit to level the playing field, but only if YOU & your cronies admit to stacking the deck.

Not sure what you mean?


Signed -
Father of 4(+1)
Grandfather of 2

 

[LdiJ]

As Zig said, hyperbole won't help you. She doesn't do ANYTHING? Really?



OK. So you don't have any evidence that she abuses drugs. More importantly, you don't have any evidence that she's a danger to the children.

Oh, and btw, it's hard to believe she's getting high on 'mucus relief stuff'. The most commonly used 'mucus relief' stuff is guanifesin. The most common side effects are:

allergic reactions like skin rash, itching or hives, swelling of the face, lips, or tongue
dizziness
headache
stomach upset

I don't see any sign that it will make her high.

I take that to help with my allergies in the Spring and Fall, and it certainly has never made me high...not even slightly.

 

[Proserpina]

Just adding minor point.

If she's taking diphenhydramine to dry up mucus, that stuff can - if taken in multiple doses - result in something of a euphoric "high".

 

[mistoffolees]

Just adding minor point.

If she's taking diphenhydramine to dry up mucus, that stuff can - if taken in multiple doses - result in something of a euphoric "high".

True, but that's not what most people would refer to as "mucus medicine". Typically, that would be an expectorant like guanifesin.

 

[Proserpina]

True, but that's not what most people would refer to as "mucus medicine". Typically, that would be an expectorant like guanifesin.

Oh, I know. But someone might use different terms.

I'm wondering though if Mom isn't taking guaifenesin DM. The dextro could certainly produce a high if abused.

Nervous system side effects of dextromethorphan have included drowsiness and dizziness. Adverse effects, which have occurred at higher doses, include excitation, mental confusion, and opiate-like respiratory depression. In some cases of abuse, patients have experienced euphoria, hyperactivity, mania, and auditory and visual hallucinations.

 

[Bali Hai]

Oh, I know. But someone might use different terms.

I'm wondering though if Mom isn't taking guaifenesin DM. The dextro could certainly produce a high if abused.

Can we think of anymore conjecture to cloud the issue?

Our OP has said the woman is a drug addict, let's take that at face value and give advice. Otherwise, produce evidence to the contrary.

 

[Bali Hai]

Not sure what you mean?


Signed -
Father of 4(+1)
Grandfather of 2

Well, that's all you get to chew on, Gramps.