Contemplating move to texas from wa

[Soverytired]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Washington

Me, Washington resident, husband moved out to ma a couple of years ago. Ostensibly to work and to take care of terminally ill parent and apparently with understanding that I would follow. I dont remember it that way. There were no discussions. I remember he left with me taking care of a two year old. Just a month after two. I remember desperately hitting up everyone I know for a job because I needed one when he left.

I want to move to Texas maybe. He wants to get a divorce before the end of the year. Visits very often. Is a good dad if you set a low bar. I am probably upset about his leaving a two year old behind. So ignore comment about low bar. He is wonderful with his daughter when he is here.

We still maintain a joint account and home. He pays half of the house payments and half of daughters expenses. Mostly he wanted itemized groceries but I am not going to make different grocery bills for me and child! The pettiness. Anyway I can afford to feed my child... What do I need money for anyway if not a decent life for the kid. This coming from a guy who wanted to get on a joint account just 6 months into a committed relationship, when I had a well paying job and he was still studying... I did not think twice. Now that I think about it, it was foolish. Telling you this because I have been a bit naive about money and don't necessarily consider it in my decision making. I want this time to be different because it will make a difference to my child and her life. I have a decent job but life can change on a dime, want to be prepared

But here is my question ... Should I wait for a divorce in Washington or do it in Texas .
What should I do to protect my child and me ?
I have no interest in ripping him off or "making him pay" just want to make sure that he does his duty by his child and does not end up screwing me. I don't know if he can do that but I don't trust him.
My dad died when I was very young so I know the void of not having a dad. Part of the reason why I am furious with him. However I want him to have a decent healthy and happy life, despite his having been a turd. He has his very close friend who has been closer to him than me through our years or marriage. He gets advice frin this person all the time. This guy even advised my husband to not allow me to him a certain way....He tends to have ver close make friends who he is more loyal to than was ever with me. That was probably part of my issue with him. Anyway that is irrelevant I suppose... Venting. He would no even consider counseling, tells me he had other issues

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Washington

Me, Washington resident, husband moved out to ma a couple of years ago. Ostensibly to work and to take care of terminally ill parent and apparently with understanding that I would follow. I dont remember it that way. There were no discussions. I remember he left with me taking care of a two year old. Just a month after two. I remember desperately hitting up everyone I know for a job because I needed one when he left.

I want to move to Texas maybe. He wants to get a divorce before the end of the year. Visits very often. Is a good dad if you set a low bar. I am probably upset about his leaving a two year old behind. So ignore comment about low bar. He is wonderful with his daughter when he is here.

We still maintain a joint account and home. He pays half of the house payments and half of daughters expenses. Mostly he wanted itemized groceries but I am not going to make different grocery bills for me and child! The pettiness. Anyway I can afford to feed my child... What do I need money for anyway if not a decent life for the kid. This coming from a guy who wanted to get on a joint account just 6 months into a committed relationship, when I had a well paying job and he was still studying... I did not think twice. Now that I think about it, it was foolish. Telling you this because I have been a bit naive about money and don't necessarily consider it in my decision making. I want this time to be different because it will make a difference to my child and her life. I have a decent job but life can change on a dime, want to be prepared

But here is my question ... Should I wait for a divorce in Washington or do it in Texas .
What should I do to protect my child and me ?
I have no interest in ripping him off or "making him pay" just want to make sure that he does his duty by his child and does not end up screwing me. I don't know if he can do that but I don't trust him.
My dad died when I was very young so I know the void of not having a dad. Part of the reason why I am furious with him. However I want him to have a decent healthy and happy life, despite his having been a turd. He has his very close friend who has been closer to him than me through our years or marriage. He gets advice frin this person all the time. This guy even advised my husband to not allow me to him a certain way....He tends to have ver close make friends who he is more loyal to than was ever with me. That was probably part of my issue with him. Anyway that is irrelevant I suppose... Venting. He would no even consider counseling, tells me he had other issues

So he is still living in MA? At least that puts you in the position of being able to move to TX without having to battle that out with him. However, it would be far more practical to get a divorce in WA. You are going to have to deal with selling the house, and you would have to be a resident of TX for six months before you could file for divorce there.

I also think its unlikely that he is going to attempt to "screw you" financially. If he has been paying half of the house payment and half of your daughter's expenses that has been pretty "stand up" in my opinion. There are a lot of people who simply would have paid nothing until a judge required them to do so.

 

[stealth2]

I am somewhat curious about why you chose not to follow him (and there could be good reasons). But he sounds like a pretty stand-up guy, if he went out to care for a terminally ill parent and also provides half for housing and provides for your/his child voluntarily... So what's the rest of the story?

 

[Silverplum]

My H recently spent the better part of a year caring for his terminally ill parents in another state. I supported his decision, and joined him for the final month of hospice care. It was difficult and not fun.

It's called "marriage." Some people call it "family."

 

[stealth2]

My H recently spent the better part of a year caring for his terminally ill parents in another state. I supported his decision, and joined him for the final month of hospice care. It was difficult and not fun.

It's called "marriage." Some people call it "family."

I have to admire that. But then, I have been told that I am nuts for allowing my elderly (84 & 85, one with dementia) parents to move in with me. Is it fun? No. Is it easy? No. Is it the right thing to do? Yes. There are days since my stroke that I regret the increased stress it brings. But it is still the right thing to do.
i suspect my (npw) ex would not have agreed to this. HIS mother moved out after giving it a shot at his home.

 

[Silverplum]

I have to admire that. But then, I have been told that I am nuts for allowing my elderly (84 & 85, one with dementia) parents to move in with me. Is it fun? No. Is it easy? No. Is it the right thing to do? Yes. There are days since my stroke that I regret the increased stress it brings. But it is still the right thing to do.
i suspect my (npw) ex would not have agreed to this. HIS mother moved out after giving it a shot at his home.

I admire your choice. I don't have to tell you that you will have no regrets.

(We tried to convince his Mom to move in with us, but she hated our winter weather. So we gave her what she wanted, her home. I know it would have been a huge stress, but as you wrote, it's the right thing to do.)

 

[Proserpina]

Mom wants to relocate. WA is very much in favor of relocation. Dad has already moved out of state. If ever there was a case of "as near a slamdunk as you'll ever see", it's this one.

OP, file for divorce in WA, do NOT move until you have that court order in your hands allowing you to move to Texas. Or Timbuktu. Or wherever.

And do right by their Dad. He didn't up and leave to go and live with a barely 18 year old stripper in the Florida Keys. Work out the transportation costs and if you can agree, fine - if you can't, expect the court to land you with at least 50% even though Dad has already moved.

The end.

 

[Bali Hai]

I have never seen so much integrity (doing the right thing) on this site before. Keep up the good work girls.

 

[stealth2]

I have never seen so much integrity (doing the right thing) on this site before. Keep up the good work girls.

I'm not sure if you were being sarcastic, Bali, but will assume not. Maybe it has something to do with still being closely tied to our European roots - my grandmother lived with my parents in her later years, as my greart-grandmother did with her, and so on. A home would only be an option if caring for one or both was simply no longer a physical option for me. Right now, both are relatively self-sufficient. My daughter seems to "get" it. LOL She often says to me "Well... at least *I* will only have one crazy parent to deal with!"

 

[Doreen]

Consult with some family law attorneys in WA on best way to handle your particular situation

If your husband is currently a resident of MA and you plan on relocating from WA to TX in near future, there may be a STRONG argument in favor of moving to TX first and then filing divorce, custody, and child support there after 6 months. That is if the father does not intend to relocate back to WA anytime in the foreseeable future. The reasons for or against relocating first may be tied in large part to jurisdictional issues under UCCJEA and UIFSA.

 

[Proserpina]

WA attorneys are going to advise her to file in WA before doing anything.

There's only one real reason why she'd be better off filing in Texas, and it has nothing to do with actual custody...if you get my point.

 

[Doreen]

WA attorneys are going to advise her to file in WA before doing anything...

Neither of us or anyone else here can state what a WA attorney will or will not advise. Nor can a WA attorney state what all other WA attorneys will advise.

This is not a clear cut choice. I am inclined to believe the better choice may for many reasons be to move first. Which is why I recommended speaking with more than one WA attorney.

 

[tuffbrk]

WA attorneys are going to advise her to file in WA before doing anything.

There's only one real reason why she'd be better off filing in Texas, and it has nothing to do with actual custody...if you get my point.

As an indefinite alimony payer, all that I can so is quote the country song...wish all my exes were in Texas!!

 

[Proserpina]

Neither of us or anyone else here can state what a WA attorney will or will not advise. Nor can a WA attorney state what all other WA attorneys will advise.

This is not a clear cut choice. I am inclined to believe the better choice may for many reasons be to move first. Which is why I recommended speaking with more than one WA attorney.

No harm with talking to a couple of attorneys.

Also no harm in talking to someone very familiar with WA family law.

(That'd be me)

 

[Proserpina]

As an indefinite alimony payer, all that I can so is quote the country song...wish all my exes were in Texas!!

It still bugs the living poo out of me that some folk here are still - in this day of infinite possibilities - having to pay permanent (or even long term) alimony.

I can think of two instances where it might be necessary but neither appear here very often.