cost of friendly vs. sueing for adultry for alimony (opinions welcome)

Texas

I have now booted the wife for repeated adultry with no signs of wanting to change. She has admitted to her doings both verbally and in several e-mails. There would not be any contest as to her guilt, with all the parties and e-mails involved. Amazingly, she being very civil about getting her belongings out. We don't have any arguments about who gets what. There are no children involved. The savings and checking have already been split and closed. She's about to get a new job with her new degree, the degree she just got while we were together and sharing our income. She will be making a whole lot more than me in just a few months. I was counting on this extra income to further my education and career.

Here's my question:

Would it be worth sueing for adultry in order to get alimony. I could get roughly 21K$ over 3 years, but this will make the divorce process more lengthy, I think. She would not have a leg to stand on in court. There are too many eye-witnesses, letters and etc. Or, would it be better to just "blow-off' this extra income I was relying on and get a quick and simple uncontested divorce?

Of course, I have not thought of the possiblility of a non-contested divorce where one spouse willingly supports the other. Does that ever happen? I don't think she thinks I will ask her to do this.

What should I do?

Thanks for you help and for non-legal (moral) opinions as well!

[kat1963]

If it were me, I'd get her on the adultry and be done with it. Get it writting, make it stick. It's a permanent public record of her moral values. You know, she'll do this again to the next guy, so on and so forth, next time there could be kids involved...at least you'll have put up a kinda warning flag up. *LOL* Sir, you are toooooo nice! Consider the fact that you could have lost your life thru AIDS if she cheated with the wrong person (like there was ever a right person?)...A cheater, is a cheater, is a cheater in my book. What she did was wrong and yes, I believe temporary, rehabiliative alimony should be awarded to you. Why do you want to suffer and give up your educational opportunites for her? You gave up enough, stick her with the big red letter A and move on. SHE MADE the choice to do it, now she needs to understand the consequences of her actions. If you don't do this, you'll be kicking yourself later. She is trash and hurting her feelings consider what little IF ANY consideration she gave to yours should be the very last thing on your list. Of course she's being nice , the woman is a player!!!!! She played you, she plays others. Get alimony and get on with your life.
Just my 2 cents. Good Luck!
KAT

My advice would be to find a good, experienced attorney who will level with you about the time and most importantly the expense involved in pursuing this action. You can get $21,000 over three years but if it costs ten or twelve grand now to get that judgement is it really worth it? That's a question only you can answer...if you are after a pound of flesh and want to make her pay, then go for it. It sounds to me like you have the right attitude and are ready to move on with your life. This court battle will be long, emotionally draining, humiliating, and stressful. Is that worth the $21K? Again, only you can answer. Just remember, living well is ALWAYS the best revenge. Good Luck.

[kat1963]

Ahh, shucks ID, doesn't seem like it would be that bad. And while I do agree with you, there does seem to some recourse in this matter, she is a woman of means after all and the relationship isn't a violent one. She doesn't have anything to stand on and in addition, since she's at fault the judge could very well award him all the attorney's fees. Or, do it yourself, a ton of research and save a bundle, cept for time, you wouldn't be any worse off then what you are right now. Or at the VERY LEAST hire a lawyer and offer an out of court settlement for what you think is fair for the years you wasted on her.

I still think we need to go back to the big red letter A thing as a warning.

KAT

Red letter, "A"? That's funny! I'll remember that come Christmas time.

Speaking of doing it myself, I have successfully defended myself in a federal copyright infringement case against a popular children's character, since I didn't have the 10 large to get a lawyer to help me. I was being sued for 145K$! I was having to file motions for this and for that, subpoena phone records, arrange for discovery, meet with magistrates for settlement hearings and so forth to eventually prove what apparently was enough of my innocence. (The other party finally backed down.) I did it all without having to pay a dime! (Except for postage, gas and tons of paper.) Still, it's not that it's so hard, it's that it's sooooooo tedious and you have to be so meticulous. I see why good lawyers get the pay they do.

Anyway, the thought had occurred. I was just wondering if it would still be comparably lengthy to an uncontested divorce, seeing as I'm sure she wont fight it. She knows she can't. Since she can't fight, why the need of such a lengthy battle? If it keeps me from legally seeing anyone else for a few years, that might be just what I need right now!