Dead Beat Mom

[tenndad1]

What is the name of your state? Tennessee

Hi. Okay, here's my story. I really need some advice here. A few months ago, I came home from work and was told that my marriage was over, I had to get out (we were living with my inlaws at the time), and that I would be lucky to see my kids every weekend or so. I tried to reason with my "wife," and told her that we had been trying to get out of there for a number of reasons, but mostly because her parents are such a bad influence on our kids (they sell drugs, fight, and undermind our authority with the kids all the time). She had always agreed, but now because she wanted out of the marriage, she thought it was the perfect place for them all to live.

I asked her several times if there was another man, and she denied it. However, I found proof that she had hooked up with the guy she had slept with the night before we had gotten married (five years earlier, and without my knowledge until way after our wedding). All of a sudden, he wants to be the girls' new father, and she thinks that situation is the best thing that could possibly happen to her, though she has been nothing but loved and supported by me through all of her mental illness and other crap she's put me through.

Well, she goes out of state to visit him, and comes back and says that she's moving up there with him. The next thing I know, I'm getting the only thing I wanted out of this screwed-up marriage--the kids. She drops them off at my apartment and says that he doesn't want them, just her. She takes off and is gone for two months, not once calling to even speak to the girls.

Naturally, I'm trying to get a divorce. I called a lawyer and told him about the adultery, the abandoning the kids, etc. and said that I wanted full custody of the girls and to limit her visitation because I'm realizing by our conversations (yes, she's talked to me, but not the girls) that she's just going to go tramping around from one bed to another until she finds the next poor slob that is willing to be 100% committed to her like I was and then live off the fat of the land again. Anyway, his response is that no court in this nation is going to let a man have full custody of two children unless the mother is literally breaking their limbs. He says that in spite of her behavior, the best I can hope for is occasional visitation, and maybe them living with me a couple of weeks in the summer because I am a man and that's the way the system works.

Is this true? Is this country so blind that they think just because she is a female parent and I'm a male, in spite of my stability, my support, my willingness to be a good father and put them first--this country is so corrupt that the courts are going to side with her (assuming she puts up a fight)? Please help me out here.

Thanks!

Adding this--I've been in regular communication with her best friend who thinks that she's completely out of control, abandoning her kids. She (wife) has stated to the best friend that she's going to show up one day and demand the kids back so that her and her boyfriend can get food stamps and other government support in lieu of having to get a job. In other words, the girls are nothing but monetary bargaining chips for her. I want to save them from this kind of life.

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by tenndad1

What is the name of your state? Tennessee

Hi. Okay, here's my story. I really need some advice here. A few months ago, I came home from work and was told that my marriage was over, I had to get out (we were living with my inlaws at the time), and that I would be lucky to see my kids every weekend or so. I tried to reason with my "wife," and told her that we had been trying to get out of there for a number of reasons, but mostly because her parents are such a bad influence on our kids (they sell drugs, fight, and undermind our authority with the kids all the time). She had always agreed, but now because she wanted out of the marriage, she thought it was the perfect place for them all to live.

I asked her several times if there was another man, and she denied it. However, I found proof that she had hooked up with the guy she had slept with the night before we had gotten married (five years earlier, and without my knowledge until way after our wedding). All of a sudden, he wants to be the girls' new father, and she thinks that situation is the best thing that could possibly happen to her, though she has been nothing but loved and supported by me through all of her mental illness and other crap she's put me through.

Well, she goes out of state to visit him, and comes back and says that she's moving up there with him. The next thing I know, I'm getting the only thing I wanted out of this screwed-up marriage--the kids. She drops them off at my apartment and says that he doesn't want them, just her. She takes off and is gone for two months, not once calling to even speak to the girls.

Naturally, I'm trying to get a divorce. I called a lawyer and told him about the adultery, the abandoning the kids, etc. and said that I wanted full custody of the girls and to limit her visitation because I'm realizing by our conversations (yes, she's talked to me, but not the girls) that she's just going to go tramping around from one bed to another until she finds the next poor slob that is willing to be 100% committed to her like I was and then live off the fat of the land again. Anyway, his response is that no court in this nation is going to let a man have full custody of two children unless the mother is literally breaking their limbs. He says that in spite of her behavior, the best I can hope for is occasional visitation, and maybe them living with me a couple of weeks in the summer because I am a man and that's the way the system works.

Is this true? Is this country so blind that they think just because she is a female parent and I'm a male, in spite of my stability, my support, my willingness to be a good father and put them first--this country is so corrupt that the courts are going to side with her (assuming she puts up a fight)? Please help me out here.

Thanks!

Adding this--I've been in regular communication with her best friend who thinks that she's completely out of control, abandoning her kids. She (wife) has stated to the best friend that she's going to show up one day and demand the kids back so that her and her boyfriend can get food stamps and other government support in lieu of having to get a job. In other words, the girls are nothing but monetary bargaining chips for her. I want to save them from this kind of life.

Yes**************......

[nextwife]

NO! Lots of men have primary custody.

Get a different attorney - one who will fight for your children's stability by getting you custody.

Sorry, Bali. Dad's got a great chance of custody - if he loses this attorney.

[tenndad1]

That's kind of what I was hoping, but lots of people have told me how screwed I am because of the Y chromosone. I appreciate you saying that, and I am continuing to look. The sad thing is I don't have a lot of money right now, so I can't be too picky.

[carofl93]

My hubby has primary physical custody of his now 11 year old daughter, so men don't always lose in court. It took 2 years of going to court on contempt charges and a small fortune for the lawyer, but hubby's been custodial for 5 years now.
Go to [url]www.deltabravo.net[/url] and you'll find other fathers with custody as well.
I wish I had some kind of legal advice, but I'm the wicked stepmom in my family's situation LOL.
Good luck.

[nextwife]

Then have a serious meeting with your atty, and lay it on the line, that you expect him to FIGHT for you and your kids. Do you want to subject your kids to an out of state move, and a parade of mom's guy du jour, some of whom could be child molestors. Simply having a uterus does NOT make one the superior parent or the best placement for primary custody.

[tenndad1]

Originally Posted by carofl93

My hubby has primary physical custody of his now 11 year old daughter, so men don't always lose in court. It took 2 years of going to court on contempt charges and a small fortune for the lawyer, but hubby's been custodial for 5 years now.
Go to [url]www.deltabravo.net[/url] and you'll find other fathers with custody as well.
I wish I had some kind of legal advice, but I'm the wicked stepmom in my family's situation LOL.
Good luck.

Very helpful. Thank you!

[tenndad1]

Originally Posted by nextwife

Then have a serious meeting with your atty, and lay it on the line, that you expect him to FIGHT for you and your kids. Do you want to subject your kids to an out of state move, and a parade of mom's guy du jour, some of whom could be child molestors. Simply having a uterus does NOT make one the superior parent or the best placement for primary custody.

You're absolutely right! Thanks again.

[tenndad1]

Is there a chance of me getting child support out of her? I will be paying through the nose for child care for two little ones, which I never had to do before because of her being at home or her friends/family stepping in whenever I needed them to. Right now, I have the occasional help from my brother who is the only family member I still have in the area. Is that a pipe dream?

Thanks!

[Ohiogal]

There will be a child support order for her to pay but whether or nto she actually pays depends on whether she is working on the books or not.

[VeronicaLodge]

I'm in TN and i know several dads with primary custody or 50/50

[tenndad1]

Originally Posted by Ohiogal

There will be a child support order for her to pay but whether or nto she actually pays depends on whether she is working on the books or not.

So they do make mothers pay child support, and I guess just like some men, some women don't or won't pay. Okay. Thanks!

[tenndad1]

Originally Posted by VeronicaLodge

I'm in TN and i know several dads with primary custody or 50/50

Cool. I know several women around here who are prostitues and/or drug abusers (if you know Murfreesboro Road, you know what I'm talking about!) and still get their children through divorce trials. It really boggles my mind.

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by tenndad1

Cool. I know several women around here who are prostitues and/or drug abusers (if you know Murfreesboro Road, you know what I'm talking about!) and still get their children through divorce trials. It really boggles my mind.

I wouldn't admit to knowing prostitutes or drug users even online if you want custody of your kids.

Do you think for one NY minute that judges actually give a sh!t about the people they make decisions about?? If your answer is yes you are stupid!!!

[SingleAZdad]

OP, you have a great shot at getting primary custody of your kids. However, you need to make certain that the information you have provided here can be documented.

I have full custody of my 2 boys (5 and 10). Mom is on court supervised visitation. However, the situation didn't start out that way. Initially, I only had them 1 night per week. It wasn't until I was able to document her behavior that the court took notice to my claims and did a total 180 on the custody orders.

Record phone calls, save emails, take photos of text messages on your cell phone. Document everything and you'll be fine. Also, get an attorney that knows what the hell they are doing.