Dealing with psychos and a non compliant soon to be ex!

[Magnoliatree]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida


Hello all.
I am currently going through a divorce or attempting to, nothing has been filed yet, my ex is living in New Jersey, I reside in Florida where we were married. We have a 4 year old son. My Ex has been out of my home since early August and we had made plans for custody (nothing has been filed in the Courts yet) that our son would go to Jersey for 3 weeks in December for the Holidays. I was a little concerned by this b/c my ex lives with his alcoholic father (these are not allegations, this is fact) however I was assured that my son's father would be taking care of him the whole time and I didn't want to stand in the way of my son and his father seeing each other. I was also assured that my ex's father was not drinking and had cleaned up his act.

Well, this was all set to go until Saturday when evidently my ex, his father's girlfriend and the father got completely wasted and started fighting with each other. I get a voice message on my phone from the girlfriend thanking me for shipping my P.O.S ex up there to live with them and if I wanted any dirt on him I should call her. Not 10 mins later I get a call from the father, whcih I answered b/c I didn't recognize the number, he proceeded to scream at me at the top of his lungs and call me every single name in the book times two! I hung up b/c I'm not listening to that! After that I called my ex and asked him what was going on, he was obviously loaded too and just laughed. So the next morning I called him and told him I did not feel it was a safe environment for my son to be in and therefore he could make other arrangements to see him, but the baby was not staying in that house.
Now my ex has stopped paying the agreed upon child support and is pretty much harassing me, wherein he called me 7 times in a row at 3:00am to yell at me.

I should mention I asked for the divorce and asked him to leave. He has told me he isn't signing any divorce documents now and is going to make my life a living hell. Fabulous, well what about the kid? What are we going to do about that!? But this is why we are getting a divorce.

So my question is this, if he isn't going to sign a divorce, then what? How can I get child support from him? And most importantly how the heck can I move on if he won't comply? Also, can I get in trouble or be shed in a bad light with the judge if I prohibit my son from going to my ex's father's house?

Any advice?

Thanks in advance!

 

[mistoffolees]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida


Hello all.
I am currently going through a divorce or attempting to, nothing has been filed yet, my ex is living in New Jersey, I reside in Florida where we were married. We have a 4 year old son. My Ex has been out of my home since early August and we had made plans for custody (nothing has been filed in the Courts yet) that our son would go to Jersey for 3 weeks in December for the Holidays. I was a little concerned by this b/c my ex lives with his alcoholic father (these are not allegations, this is fact) however I was assured that my son's father would be taking care of him the whole time and I didn't want to stand in the way of my son and his father seeing each other. I was also assured that my ex's father was not drinking and had cleaned up his act.

Well, this was all set to go until Saturday when evidently my ex, his father's girlfriend and the father got completely wasted and started fighting with each other. I get a voice message on my phone from the girlfriend thanking me for shipping my P.O.S ex up there to live with them and if I wanted any dirt on him I should call her. Not 10 mins later I get a call from the father, whcih I answered b/c I didn't recognize the number, he proceeded to scream at me at the top of his lungs and call me every single name in the book times two! I hung up b/c I'm not listening to that! After that I called my ex and asked him what was going on, he was obviously loaded too and just laughed. So the next morning I called him and told him I did not feel it was a safe environment for my son to be in and therefore he could make other arrangements to see him, but the baby was not staying in that house.
Now my ex has stopped paying the agreed upon child support and is pretty much harassing me, wherein he called me 7 times in a row at 3:00am to yell at me.

I should mention I asked for the divorce and asked him to leave. He has told me he isn't signing any divorce documents now and is going to make my life a living hell. Fabulous, well what about the kid? What are we going to do about that!? But this is why we are getting a divorce.

So my question is this, if he isn't going to sign a divorce, then what? How can I get child support from him? And most importantly how the heck can I move on if he won't comply? Also, can I get in trouble or be shed in a bad light with the judge if I prohibit my son from going to my ex's father's house?

Any advice?

Thanks in advance!

The first lesson is that anything that the two of you agreed to isn't worth the paper it's written on. The only thing that matters is what the judge orders. So to get a divorce, arrange for child support, settle custody, etc, you need to file the appropriate paperwork with the court and wait for a ruling. In anything but the simplest of cases, an attorney is strongly recommended. Find the money somewhere.

In addition, it's going to be hard to argue that it's an unfit environment for the child because of a phone call you received when the child wasn't even there. Like it or not, as long as he stays sober when the child is there, you don't have much say in how much he drinks when the child is not there. If he's drinking that much when the child is there, it's a different story and you should probably call Child Protective Services (or whatever it's called there).

You do not have the legal right to keep the father from the child. If you attempt to do so, you will find yourself in trouble with the court. If you feel that the environment is unsafe, then you call CPS and/or ask the court to order supervised visitation.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida


Hello all.
I am currently going through a divorce or attempting to, nothing has been filed yet, my ex is living in New Jersey, I reside in Florida where we were married. We have a 4 year old son. My Ex has been out of my home since early August and we had made plans for custody (nothing has been filed in the Courts yet) that our son would go to Jersey for 3 weeks in December for the Holidays. I was a little concerned by this b/c my ex lives with his alcoholic father (these are not allegations, this is fact) however I was assured that my son's father would be taking care of him the whole time and I didn't want to stand in the way of my son and his father seeing each other. I was also assured that my ex's father was not drinking and had cleaned up his act.

Well, this was all set to go until Saturday when evidently my ex, his father's girlfriend and the father got completely wasted and started fighting with each other. I get a voice message on my phone from the girlfriend thanking me for shipping my P.O.S ex up there to live with them and if I wanted any dirt on him I should call her. Not 10 mins later I get a call from the father, whcih I answered b/c I didn't recognize the number, he proceeded to scream at me at the top of his lungs and call me every single name in the book times two! I hung up b/c I'm not listening to that! After that I called my ex and asked him what was going on, he was obviously loaded too and just laughed. So the next morning I called him and told him I did not feel it was a safe environment for my son to be in and therefore he could make other arrangements to see him, but the baby was not staying in that house.
Now my ex has stopped paying the agreed upon child support and is pretty much harassing me, wherein he called me 7 times in a row at 3:00am to yell at me.

I should mention I asked for the divorce and asked him to leave. He has told me he isn't signing any divorce documents now and is going to make my life a living hell. Fabulous, well what about the kid? What are we going to do about that!? But this is why we are getting a divorce.

So my question is this, if he isn't going to sign a divorce, then what? How can I get child support from him? And most importantly how the heck can I move on if he won't comply? Also, can I get in trouble or be shed in a bad light with the judge if I prohibit my son from going to my ex's father's house?

Any advice?

Thanks in advance!

As far as child support is concerned, take yourself to your local child support enforcement agency and file. They will take care of getting child support set up, you don't have to be divorced or getting a divorce for that to happen.

As far as a divorce is concerned, if at all possible it would be in your best interest to have an attorney if your stbx is not going to be cooperating with the divorce process. You don't need his signature to get divorced, but the process is not as simple as it would be if you did have it.

No, you cannot get in any true trouble if you do not send your child to New Jersey. In fact, its probably better if you do not until you have custody and parenting time officially established. Its not all that likely that a judge would be too interested in what happened before the divorce process started, and is not very likely to look askance at you for not sending your child out of state to visit. Once visitation orders are set, then you have to follow the orders, even if things make you nervous, unless you take it back to court to get the orders changed.

Do get moving on things.