Disowning an adult child

[Arisa]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California.

Firstly, I'm asking this for my grandmother.

My grandfather already passed away about eight years ago and they wrote a will that excluded all their children because they couldn't take it anymore. None of them cared, all of them only cared about their money. They took and took from my grandparents and never gave back. Even when my grandfather was sick and needed shots, none of them were willing to pay money for it. My mom (who is their daughter-in-law) paid for everything.

My mom is taking care of everything. My mom pays the bills, buys the food, pays for my grandmother's medicine and they do absolutely nothing. The only thing they did come was when they were able to leech things off them.

One of my aunts even broke up my family by leading my father astray so that he'll be kicked out of the family. It was 7 years before I saw him again at my grandfather's funeral. In fact, when my grandmother lied and told her my dad told us everything she did to us, she hasn't even once showed up at our doorstep again. Not a call, a letter, nothing. And now, even before my grandmother passed away, California law allowed her to see the will the will they wrote. She was my grandfather's favorite too. He gave her everything until he finally realized that she was after nothing but his material assets.

My grandmother is terribly afraid of what she'll do. She's after the house, that's for certain. In fact, during my grandfather's funeral, her husband was overheard asking her if she was ready to fight with her older brother and she responded in affirmative. She has the rest of her younger brothers under her control too. They treat her more like the mother than they do my grandmother.

I'm sorry this is so long and rambly, but... I really need to know. My aunt is like 60+ since the youngest just reached 50. A little old to be disowned probably, but... when my grandmother is afraid she'll hold a lawsuit even though the will excludes them completely... I want her to have peaceful days without fear of her eldest daughter cooking up another devious plot to gain control of everything.

I've read some posts before and everyone was judgmental about why anyone would want to disown a child. When your child doesn't love you and only sees your death as a way to gain more money, well... Not that my grandmother has thought of it. In fact, they started talking about selling the house so that she can't get her hands on it, but... this is the house I grew up in... It means a lot to my brother and I... It's also the house my grandfather bought for my grandmother because she loved it and they lived here for so many years. I don't want all that to go away because greed controls the family.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[cyjeff]

The legal instrument your grandmother needs is a will.

Within the confines of that document, she can assign her assets to anyone she chooses.

Using the services of an attorney are relatively inexpensive but will make sure that the will can stand up to challenge.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California.

Firstly, I'm asking this for my grandmother.

My grandfather already passed away about eight years ago and they wrote a will that excluded all their children because they couldn't take it anymore. None of them cared, all of them only cared about their money. They took and took from my grandparents and never gave back. Even when my grandfather was sick and needed shots, none of them were willing to pay money for it. My mom (who is their daughter-in-law) paid for everything.

My mom is taking care of everything. My mom pays the bills, buys the food, pays for my grandmother's medicine and they do absolutely nothing. The only thing they did come was when they were able to leech things off them.

One of my aunts even broke up my family by leading my father astray so that he'll be kicked out of the family. It was 7 years before I saw him again at my grandfather's funeral. In fact, when my grandmother lied and told her my dad told us everything she did to us, she hasn't even once showed up at our doorstep again. Not a call, a letter, nothing. And now, even before my grandmother passed away, California law allowed her to see the will the will they wrote. She was my grandfather's favorite too. He gave her everything until he finally realized that she was after nothing but his material assets.

My grandmother is terribly afraid of what she'll do. She's after the house, that's for certain. In fact, during my grandfather's funeral, her husband was overheard asking her if she was ready to fight with her older brother and she responded in affirmative. She has the rest of her younger brothers under her control too. They treat her more like the mother than they do my grandmother.

I'm sorry this is so long and rambly, but... I really need to know. My aunt is like 60+ since the youngest just reached 50. A little old to be disowned probably, but... when my grandmother is afraid she'll hold a lawsuit even though the will excludes them completely... I want her to have peaceful days without fear of her eldest daughter cooking up another devious plot to gain control of everything.

I've read some posts before and everyone was judgmental about why anyone would want to disown a child. When your child doesn't love you and only sees your death as a way to gain more money, well... Not that my grandmother has thought of it. In fact, they started talking about selling the house so that she can't get her hands on it, but... this is the house I grew up in... It means a lot to my brother and I... It's also the house my grandfather bought for my grandmother because she loved it and they lived here for so many years. I don't want all that to go away because greed controls the family.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

Your grandmother's will should stand if it was done properly by an attorney and she was in sound mind when she signed it. Have your grandmother consult with an attorney to reassure her that her will is valid.

 

[pattytx]

I did this, but the other way around (my mother). Included was a sentence that I specifically intended to exclud her from all proceeds of my estate.

 

[mistoffolees]

The legal instrument your grandmother needs is a will.

Within the confines of that document, she can assign her assets to anyone she chooses.

Using the services of an attorney are relatively inexpensive but will make sure that the will can stand up to challenge.

I would also add that it's not a matter of 'disowning' adult children. The grandmother can decide who to leave her assets to without disowning anyone. It may make her feel better, but spitting in the face of the other children may increase the cost of a challenge and lead to more bitterness (and possibly legal expense) after she's gone.

Far, far better to say "I leave my estate to child x" with no explanation (or if an explanation is required to say 'because of her countless hours and contribution while I was sick' or whatever) rather than "I disown the heartless money-grubbing children y and z". State the facts simply and concisely. Elaboration is likely to cause problems.

But a good estate attorney would probably be on top of that.

 

[LdiJ]

I would also add that it's not a matter of 'disowning' adult children. The grandmother can decide who to leave her assets to without disowning anyone. It may make her feel better, but spitting in the face of the other children may increase the cost of a challenge and lead to more bitterness (and possibly legal expense) after she's gone.

Far, far better to say "I leave my estate to child x" with no explanation (or if an explanation is required to say 'because of her countless hours and contribution while I was sick' or whatever) rather than "I disown the heartless money-grubbing children y and z". State the facts simply and concisely. Elaboration is likely to cause problems.

But a good estate attorney would probably be on top of that.

The estate attorneys that I have talked to say that its important to specifically exclude someone from inheriting in your will, if you want less of a chance that it can be challenged.

 

[mistoffolees]

The estate attorneys that I have talked to say that its important to specifically exclude someone from inheriting in your will, if you want less of a chance that it can be challenged.

They can do that if the attorney suggests it. My point is that there's NO need for anger and bitterness to be part of it. It is most likely to go smoothly if they treat the issue very matter of fact-ly.

 

[Zigner]

They can do that if the attorney suggests it. My point is that there's need for anger and bitterness to be part of it. It is most likely to go smoothly if they treat the issue very matter of fact-ly.

Funny how two missing letters can change the entire meaning of your post

 

[mistoffolees]

Funny how two missing letters can change the entire meaning of your post

Fixed. Thanks.

 

[Arisa]

Thank you all for responding, but... apparently after reading the will, my aunt already said that she'll fight to the end with us because she has lots of money. And she does. She has much more money than we do and yet she's still after what little her parents have.

 

[pattytx]

The estate attorneys that I have talked to say that its important to specifically exclude someone from inheriting in your will, if you want less of a chance that it can be challenged.

Mine too, which is why he did it that way. As it happened, she passed anyway, and I'm still here.

 

[>Charlotte<]

Well, nothing can stop her from fighting it if she wants to. If she's as determined to try to get her hands on the money as you say she is, there's really nothing you can do to keep her from trying. The key is for your grandmother to have a properly drawn up will that will very effectively keep her from winning if she does try.

 

[Arisa]

Well, nothing can stop her from fighting it if she wants to. If she's as determined to try to get her hands on the money as you say she is, there's really nothing you can do to keep her from trying. The key is for your grandmother to have a properly drawn up will that will very effectively keep her from winning if she does try.

Yes, I understand that, but... we don't have the money to fight for as long as she wants to. My grandmother would really rather sell the house my grandfather worked so hard to buy then let her get it. If we can't pay for a lawyer, then what good will that do us?

 

[LdiJ]

Yes, I understand that, but... we don't have the money to fight for as long as she wants to. My grandmother would really rather sell the house my grandfather worked so hard to buy then let her get it. If we can't pay for a lawyer, then what good will that do us?

Is the house the only asset your grandmother has? Is there no life insurance or anything else? The estate would pay for the cost of a probate attorney.

If the house is paid in full, your grandmother could deed it over now to whomever she wants to have it, retaining a life estate for herself. That isn't necessarily the best choice, tax wise, if the house would be sold after her death, but its an option. It could also be problematic in other ways.

Really a carefully done will is the best overall choice.

 

[Betty]

Does your grandmother have any life insurance? If she does & the bene(s) are no longer who she wants to receive the proceeds at her death, she needs to be sure she changes the bene(s). Many people change their wills but forget to change their life ins. bene(s) also. Life ins. proceeds pass outside the estate & go to the bene(s) named in the policy to do with as they like/wish. (except "possibly" in a "rare" case where there is some type of legal binding agreement that notes what the proceeds/part of the proceeds are to be used for)