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Disowning / Divorcing an abusive parent as an adult

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beamsaber

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

Hi, My wife and I are wondering what the legal method would be to effectively break ties with her family (mother and sister). Her mother and sister are both quite abusive, one suffering from narcissistic personality disorder and the other from borderline personality disorder. My wife is mostly concerned that they will try to leave all of their debts etc. to her when they (mostly her mother) die, as they live well outside their means due to their conditions. She does not want anything to do with them and has been out of contact with them for more than a year at her insistence after particularly unpleasant exchanges with them.

Is it possible to sever all legal ties with them? Is it possible to do so without confronting them or taking them to court? The less contact with her abusers the better.

Thanks
-B
 


beamsaber

Junior Member
Brilliant

Wow, I'm glad I posted here, because that totally solves her problems!

If she ignores them she certainly won't be called upon to take on her mother's debts when she dies

If she ignores them she certainly won't be called upon to provide medical care for her mother as she ages..

I'm glad your keen legal advice was here to help us through this crisis..
We'll just ignore that pesky government that passes debts down through families, and pretend it couldn't potentially financially destroy us.

I apologize for the sarcasm, but seriously... can you read a post before you reply to it next time?
 

wyett717

Member
Sheesh - gratitude certainly is going down the tubes these days! Zigner is right...ignore them; don't have anything to do with them. There is no law that says you have to stay in contact with your family.

In response to your sarcastic response on Jason25's post (it's pertinent to you too):
He isn't required to take care of any of these. Debtors may threaten next of kin to settle up on debts, but if the child isn't named on the debts, he/she isn't responsible for them.

As for the medical... what parent in their right mind would want an estranged child responsible for their medical care??? If I had a severed relationship with someone, I sure as hell wouldn't ask them to make life and death decisions about me.

Funeral arrangements can be made by anyone, children are not required to do this. It's unfair for everyone who has to buck up the funeral expenses, but there is no law stating the child has to do it.

Your attitude seems like one that would be easy to "disown/divorce" anyway.
 
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Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Wow, I'm glad I posted here, because that totally solves her problems!

If she ignores them she certainly won't be called upon to take on her mother's debts when she dies

If she ignores them she certainly won't be called upon to provide medical care for her mother as she ages..

I'm glad your keen legal advice was here to help us through this crisis..
We'll just ignore that pesky government that passes debts down through families, and pretend it couldn't potentially financially destroy us.

I apologize for the sarcasm, but seriously... can you read a post before you reply to it next time?

You are in the US right? The government does NOT pass down debt through families. No such law. Unless she cosigned for the debt she is not responsible. Nor does she have to pay for her mother's funeral or take care of her medical needs/make medical decisions. You need to comprehend. As for sarcasm, that was just plain ignorance and rudeness coming from you.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

Hi, My wife and I are wondering what the legal method would be to effectively break ties with her family (mother and sister). Her mother and sister are both quite abusive, one suffering from narcissistic personality disorder and the other from borderline personality disorder. My wife is mostly concerned that they will try to leave all of their debts etc. to her when they (mostly her mother) die, as they live well outside their means due to their conditions. She does not want anything to do with them and has been out of contact with them for more than a year at her insistence after particularly unpleasant exchanges with them.

Is it possible to sever all legal ties with them? Is it possible to do so without confronting them or taking them to court? The less contact with her abusers the better.

Thanks
-B
You have no legal ties to them unless you've taken them on by co-signing a debt. As you've been told, just ignore them.

HOWEVER, the one piece of advice you haven't been given yet involves your claims that they are abusive. If they are abusive, you can get the court to issue a no-contact order to keep them out of your life (you can do this for anyone, not just a parent).

Or, you can get some counseling to learn how to deal with them and remember that they're family. My ex-wife is NPD and I've learned to deal with her with a lot of reading and counseling. Since I have to see her at least once a week and talk to her more than that because of my daughter, I probably have considerably more contact than you need to have.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
You have no legal ties to them unless you've taken them on by co-signing a debt. As you've been told, just ignore them.

HOWEVER, the one piece of advice you haven't been given yet involves your claims that they are abusive. If they are abusive, you can get the court to issue a no-contact order to keep them out of your life (you can do this for anyone, not just a parent).

Or, you can get some counseling to learn how to deal with them and remember that they're family. My ex-wife is NPD and I've learned to deal with her with a lot of reading and counseling. Since I have to see her at least once a week and talk to her more than that because of my daughter, I probably have considerably more contact than you need to have.
Pssst.. this is his wife's family. They cannot get a restraining order based ON PAST actions but rather by proving that the individual is currently a danger.
 

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