+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 8 of 8
  1. #1
    beamsaber is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    4

    Red face Disowning / Divorcing an abusive parent as an adult

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

    Hi, My wife and I are wondering what the legal method would be to effectively break ties with her family (mother and sister). Her mother and sister are both quite abusive, one suffering from narcissistic personality disorder and the other from borderline personality disorder. My wife is mostly concerned that they will try to leave all of their debts etc. to her when they (mostly her mother) die, as they live well outside their means due to their conditions. She does not want anything to do with them and has been out of contact with them for more than a year at her insistence after particularly unpleasant exchanges with them.

    Is it possible to sever all legal ties with them? Is it possible to do so without confronting them or taking them to court? The less contact with her abusers the better.

    Thanks
    -B
  2. #2
    Zigner is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    California
    Posts
    53,948
    Ignore them...
  3. #3
    beamsaber is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    4

    Brilliant

    Wow, I'm glad I posted here, because that totally solves her problems!

    If she ignores them she certainly won't be called upon to take on her mother's debts when she dies

    If she ignores them she certainly won't be called upon to provide medical care for her mother as she ages..

    I'm glad your keen legal advice was here to help us through this crisis..
    We'll just ignore that pesky government that passes debts down through families, and pretend it couldn't potentially financially destroy us.

    I apologize for the sarcasm, but seriously... can you read a post before you reply to it next time?
  4. #4
    wyett717 is offline Member
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Montana
    Posts
    459
    Sheesh - gratitude certainly is going down the tubes these days! Zigner is right...ignore them; don't have anything to do with them. There is no law that says you have to stay in contact with your family.

    In response to your sarcastic response on Jason25's post (it's pertinent to you too):
    He isn't required to take care of any of these. Debtors may threaten next of kin to settle up on debts, but if the child isn't named on the debts, he/she isn't responsible for them.

    As for the medical... what parent in their right mind would want an estranged child responsible for their medical care??? If I had a severed relationship with someone, I sure as hell wouldn't ask them to make life and death decisions about me.

    Funeral arrangements can be made by anyone, children are not required to do this. It's unfair for everyone who has to buck up the funeral expenses, but there is no law stating the child has to do it.

    Your attitude seems like one that would be easy to "disown/divorce" anyway.
    Last edited by wyett717; 10-25-2008 at 11:48 PM.
  5. #5
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    52,751
    Quote Originally Posted by beamsaber View Post
    Wow, I'm glad I posted here, because that totally solves her problems!

    If she ignores them she certainly won't be called upon to take on her mother's debts when she dies

    If she ignores them she certainly won't be called upon to provide medical care for her mother as she ages..

    I'm glad your keen legal advice was here to help us through this crisis..
    We'll just ignore that pesky government that passes debts down through families, and pretend it couldn't potentially financially destroy us.

    I apologize for the sarcasm, but seriously... can you read a post before you reply to it next time?

    You are in the US right? The government does NOT pass down debt through families. No such law. Unless she cosigned for the debt she is not responsible. Nor does she have to pay for her mother's funeral or take care of her medical needs/make medical decisions. You need to comprehend. As for sarcasm, that was just plain ignorance and rudeness coming from you.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  6. #6
    mistoffolees is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    21,315
    Quote Originally Posted by beamsaber View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

    Hi, My wife and I are wondering what the legal method would be to effectively break ties with her family (mother and sister). Her mother and sister are both quite abusive, one suffering from narcissistic personality disorder and the other from borderline personality disorder. My wife is mostly concerned that they will try to leave all of their debts etc. to her when they (mostly her mother) die, as they live well outside their means due to their conditions. She does not want anything to do with them and has been out of contact with them for more than a year at her insistence after particularly unpleasant exchanges with them.

    Is it possible to sever all legal ties with them? Is it possible to do so without confronting them or taking them to court? The less contact with her abusers the better.

    Thanks
    -B
    You have no legal ties to them unless you've taken them on by co-signing a debt. As you've been told, just ignore them.

    HOWEVER, the one piece of advice you haven't been given yet involves your claims that they are abusive. If they are abusive, you can get the court to issue a no-contact order to keep them out of your life (you can do this for anyone, not just a parent).

    Or, you can get some counseling to learn how to deal with them and remember that they're family. My ex-wife is NPD and I've learned to deal with her with a lot of reading and counseling. Since I have to see her at least once a week and talk to her more than that because of my daughter, I probably have considerably more contact than you need to have.
  7. #7
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    52,751
    Quote Originally Posted by mistoffolees View Post
    You have no legal ties to them unless you've taken them on by co-signing a debt. As you've been told, just ignore them.

    HOWEVER, the one piece of advice you haven't been given yet involves your claims that they are abusive. If they are abusive, you can get the court to issue a no-contact order to keep them out of your life (you can do this for anyone, not just a parent).

    Or, you can get some counseling to learn how to deal with them and remember that they're family. My ex-wife is NPD and I've learned to deal with her with a lot of reading and counseling. Since I have to see her at least once a week and talk to her more than that because of my daughter, I probably have considerably more contact than you need to have.
    Pssst.. this is his wife's family. They cannot get a restraining order based ON PAST actions but rather by proving that the individual is currently a danger.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  8. #8
    seniorjudge is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    St. Odo of Cluny Parish
    Posts
    29,533
    Quote Originally Posted by Zigner View Post
    Ignore them...
    Excellent and accurate advice.
    There are two rules for success:

    (1) Never tell everything you know.

Similar Threads

  1. Disowning Adult Child
    By PQN in forum Marriage, Domestic Partnerships and Other Family Law Matters
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 06-14-2011, 10:34 AM
  2. Disowning an adult child
    By Arisa in forum Divorce, Separation & Annulment
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 05-30-2010, 07:24 AM
  3. Disowning of an adult child
    By Corene in forum Divorce, Separation & Annulment
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 01-05-2010, 12:35 PM
  4. disowning an adult son
    By Awedree in forum Marriage, Domestic Partnerships and Other Family Law Matters
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 11-01-2009, 03:52 PM
  5. Adult child "divorcing" parent?
    By Frodo76 in forum Marriage, Domestic Partnerships and Other Family Law Matters
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 03-28-2008, 10:18 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

© 1995-2012 Advice Company, All Rights Reserved

FreeAdvice® has been providing millions of consumers with outstanding advice, free, since 1995. While not a substitute for personal advice from a licensed professional, it is available AS IS, subject to our Disclaimer and Terms & Conditions Of Use.