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Dissolution not possible?

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vclem27

Member
What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Ohio

My uncle is a paralegal and offered to draw up dissolution papers for my STBX and myself. We have nothing in the form of assets together and have agreed on everything regarding our daughter, except for child support. I want to go by the court guidelines (formula for child support) and she does not. She has asked me to take sole custody of our daughter, as she works 2nd shift and is unable to spend time with her other than weekends. She has agreed to the standard E.O. weekend visitation. My daughter has lived with me for a year, and this is not different from our current arrangement.

When my uncle spoke with her to retrieve all of her information for the paperwork, she confirmed that she is in agreement with everything except child support. She does not want to go by the child support formula in our state, as she will end of having to pay around $800/month and she thinks she should only pay around $400. I know what she thinks doesn't make a difference, but now because of this issue not being agreed upon, I will have to file for divorce instead of a dissolution.

My question is, since she is the one that is not willing to go by state guidelines and is now costing me $ to pay for a (possible) lengthy and expensive attorney fees, can I request in the divorce that she foot the bill for my attorney fees? I would expect that a judge would be annoyed by someone who thought she should have an exception. Please note, she voluntarily took the second shift position (for a lot more money was her reasoning) and now she doesn't think that her child should benefit from her increase in pay. I will not "agree" to a set amount different/less than the calculation. Or is there a way to file for the dissolution and leave the cs amount up to the courts? (I thought (U)everything(/U) had to be agreed upon in order to file for a dissolution, even cs). Any input is much appreciated!
 


LdiJ

Senior Member
vclem27 said:
What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Ohio

My uncle is a paralegal and offered to draw up dissolution papers for my STBX and myself. We have nothing in the form of assets together and have agreed on everything regarding our daughter, except for child support. I want to go by the court guidelines (formula for child support) and she does not. She has asked me to take sole custody of our daughter, as she works 2nd shift and is unable to spend time with her other than weekends. She has agreed to the standard E.O. weekend visitation. My daughter has lived with me for a year, and this is not different from our current arrangement.

When my uncle spoke with her to retrieve all of her information for the paperwork, she confirmed that she is in agreement with everything except child support. She does not want to go by the child support formula in our state, as she will end of having to pay around $800/month and she thinks she should only pay around $400. I know what she thinks doesn't make a difference, but now because of this issue not being agreed upon, I will have to file for divorce instead of a dissolution.

My question is, since she is the one that is not willing to go by state guidelines and is now costing me $ to pay for a (possible) lengthy and expensive attorney fees, can I request in the divorce that she foot the bill for my attorney fees? I would expect that a judge would be annoyed by someone who thought she should have an exception. Please note, she voluntarily took the second shift position (for a lot more money was her reasoning) and now she doesn't think that her child should benefit from her increase in pay. I will not "agree" to a set amount different/less than the calculation. Or is there a way to file for the dissolution and leave the cs amount up to the courts? (I thought (U)everything(/U) had to be agreed upon in order to file for a dissolution, even cs). Any input is much appreciated!
Basically you have to decide what is more important.....getting guideline child support or getting things over quickly and more easily.

That's a decision that only you can make.
 

vclem27

Member
My fear is...

LdiJ said:
Basically you have to decide what is more important.....getting guideline child support or getting things over quickly and more easily.

That's a decision that only you can make.
If I agree to the lesser amount, my child is the one who loses. Her mother wants to do the bare minimum to raise her child. Sounds petty to fight for cs, but this woman is getting relieved of all other parental responsibilities. She bareley spends time with her when she does have her on the weekends (but that's a whole separate thread!). IMO, she can at least provide her with financial benefits. And I am afraid that if I agree to this, it will bite me a$$ in the future. Children don't get any less expensive as time goes on. :)

Do you think that she might be ordered to pay attorney fees since she is the one who is not agreeing to the court guidelines?
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
vclem27 said:
If I agree to the lesser amount, my child is the one who loses. Her mother wants to do the bare minimum to raise her child. Sounds petty to fight for cs, but this woman is getting relieved of all other parental responsibilities. She bareley spends time with her when she does have her on the weekends (but that's a whole separate thread!). IMO, she can at least provide her with financial benefits. And I am afraid that if I agree to this, it will bite me a$$ in the future. Children don't get any less expensive as time goes on. :)

Do you think that she might be ordered to pay attorney fees since she is the one who is not agreeing to the court guidelines?
No, I doubt that she will be ordered to pay your legal fees. That doesn't happen very often, and when it does its usually when there are large disparities between incomes or when one parent is truly being outrageous and/or frivolous. Intitial disagreements regarding CS don't normally fall in that catagory.

One thing that you also need to realize is that child support is regularly allowed to be reviewed and recalculated. Therefore, if you agree now, you aren't locked into that figure permanently.

I am not saying that you SHOULD agree. Only that you should keep that information in mind if its really important to you to get the divorce finalized as simply and easily as possible.
 

Kane

Member
One other thing you might want to consider - in addition to what LdiJ said.

In many (most?) places there's an unofficial presumption that the mother deserves pri m a r y custody. If it were me, I might consider getting the child's residence established (with you) before fighting her over the money.


**** you know, this m a r y thing is really annoying. Is there any way to get her to stop doing this?
 
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LdiJ

Senior Member
Kane said:
One other thing you might want to consider - in addition to what LdiJ said.

In many (most?) places there's an unofficial presumption that the mother deserves pri m a r y custody. If it were me, I might consider getting the child's residence established (with you) before fighting her over the money.


**** you know, this m a r y thing is really annoying. Is there any way to get her to stop doing this?
Not unless we get permanently rid of the person who caused the problem...which appears to be unlikely at this point.
 

Bali Hai

Senior Member
LdiJ said:
No, I doubt that she will be ordered to pay your legal fees. That doesn't happen very often, and when it does its usually when there are large disparities between incomes or when one parent is truly being outrageous and/or frivolous. Intitial disagreements regarding CS don't normally fall in that catagory.

One thing that you also need to realize is that child support is regularly allowed to be reviewed and recalculated. Therefore, if you agree now, you aren't locked into that figure permanently.

I am not saying that you SHOULD agree. Only that you should keep that information in mind if its really important to you to get the divorce finalized as simply and easily as possible.

But he is agreeing to the amount with her current income as a matter of record.

I seriously doubt he could agree to this lower amount now and next month take her to court and get the state calculated amount.

Meanwhile his child is having to suffer to the tune of $4,800 per year.

She is obligated to pay just like any other child paying support person..
 

vclem27

Member
Kane said:
One other thing you might want to consider - in addition to what LdiJ said.

In many (most?) places there's an unofficial presumption that the mother deserves pri m a r y custody. If it were me, I might consider getting the child's residence established (with you) before fighting her over the money.


**** you know, this m a r y thing is really annoying. Is there any way to get her to stop doing this?
Well, I'm not too worried about her getting pri**** custody - for two reasons. She works second shift until about midnight and wouldn't be able to care for our daughter while she is at work, and my daughter has lived with me for about a year, enrolled in school, etc. Not to mention the amount of documented (lack of) responsibility she's had, that resulted in me TAKING my daughter from her and she's never asked for her back. She agrees for me to have pri**** custody. And at this point, she wouldn't have a leg to stand on if she tried to fight me.

I appreciate your responses. I'm not trying to fight about the cs. However, she does make a considerable amount more than I do, and I think my child is entitled to the state set guidelines. I guarentee that if the shoe were on the other foot for her, she'd be asking me for at least that amount! :rolleyes:
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Bali Hai said:
But he is agreeing to the amount with her current income as a matter of record.

I seriously doubt he could agree to this lower amount now and next month take her to court and get the state calculated amount.

Meanwhile his child is having to suffer to the tune of $4,800 per year.

She is obligated to pay just like any other child paying support person..
No, he couldn't agree now to the lower amount and get it recalcuated a month later....but he likely could a year later.

However, it all depends on what is more important to him....and how much the legal fees would cost him. Everyone's needs/priorities are different.
 

vclem27

Member
Bali Hai said:
But he is agreeing to the amount with her current income as a matter of record.

I seriously doubt he could agree to this lower amount now and next month take her to court and get the state calculated amount.

Meanwhile his child is having to suffer to the tune of $4,800 per year.

She is obligated to pay just like any other child paying support person..
Thank you, Bali. That was my fear, if I agree to it now, it might bite me in the future. And since she isn't there physically, spiritually, emotionally, etc., the least she could do is be there financially.
 

vclem27

Member
LdiJ said:
No, he couldn't agree now to the lower amount and get it recalcuated a month later....but he likely could a year later.

However, it all depends on what is more important to him....and how much the legal fees would cost him. Everyone's needs/priorities are different.
And my need isn't necessarily for the money, but we could put some of into savings every month for college. God knows I am the only one who is saving for that. As far as the divorce being long and drawn out, the only one who will suffer from that is her. It will most definitely hurt me financially, but I'd rather do it by the books, than to trust this woman who has done nothing but hurt my daughter.

Again, thanks for the input and Happy New Year!
 

Bali Hai

Senior Member
vclem27 said:
Well, I'm not too worried about her getting pri**** custody - for two reasons. She works second shift until about midnight and wouldn't be able to care for our daughter while she is at work, and my daughter has lived with me for about a year, enrolled in school, etc. Not to mention the amount of documented (lack of) responsibility she's had, that resulted in me TAKING my daughter from her and she's never asked for her back. She agrees for me to have pri**** custody. And at this point, she wouldn't have a leg to stand on if she tried to fight me.

I appreciate your responses. I'm not trying to fight about the cs. However, she does make a considerable amount more than I do, and I think my child is entitled to the state set guidelines. I guarentee that if the shoe were on the other foot for her, she'd be asking me for at least that amount! :rolleyes:

Perhaps the threat of alimony in addition to child support per the guidelines would clear her thinking about the situation.
 

vclem27

Member
My thought process is this...let her think I'm filing for a dissolution and seek an attorney and file for divorce. Question...after I speak with my attorney, will he file temporary custody/cs orders to remain until the divorce is final? I want to make sure I have temp. custody/cs prior to her finding out that I am seeking a divorce instead of the dissolution. Input is greatly appreciated.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
vclem27 said:
My thought process is this...let her think I'm filing for a dissolution and seek an attorney and file for divorce. Question...after I speak with my attorney, will he file temporary custody/cs orders to remain until the divorce is final? I want to make sure I have temp. custody/cs prior to her finding out that I am seeking a divorce instead of the dissolution. Input is greatly appreciated.
If you ask him to petition for temporary custody when he/she submits the petition for divorce, then he/she will do so. However, don't expect him/her to automatically to do it. Be sure to tell him/her you want that done.
 

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