Distr. of things,unmarried separation after 10 yrs living togeth, she cleaned me out

[Lightner]

What is the name of your state? Ohio

My girlfriend and I lived together for 10 years in a house that we both invested in half and half. She took out a loan for her part but I had to cosign it. We have been engaged for the entire 10 years.

We have split up, as I came home by surprise one night and found her missing, the house all boxed up and ready to go, and love letters of an affair she was having that included a guest list for their planned wedding.

During the years, I paid virtually ALL bills , from utilities and grocieries, to furniture purchases, landscaping, utilities, taxes, and insurance. Often she would make a purchase with her credit card but then I would pay off her credit card at the end of the month

I had to leave town to go back to work and when I did, she put most of the house contents in storage , taking pretty much everything from decorations and kitchen cabinet stuffs to our entire living, dining, and 1 bedroom set, leaving just bare walls and floor. She put the contents in storage, took her clothes, and left.

It looked like she was going to make one more trip back so I changed the locks.

We have a legal document that says when we moved in, our intention was to keep our respective equity in the house, separate.

I discussed this with an attorney but I have not yet hired one. I was disturbed when the attorney advised that she gets to keep the engagement ring because in every case I’ve been able to find on the internet with regards to Ohio law indicates the opposite , that the ring goes back to the buyer, especially if the woman is responsible for ending the relationship.

She has my stuff. What are my options?

What if she breaks in to the house for round 2? I have a job to do out of state so I can’t babysit.

I plan to buy her equity in the house and become sole owner via her filling out a quit claim. Do I need a lawyer to assist me and represent my end for this transaction and is there anything I need to do with this quit claim once I get it besides drop it off at the recorder’s office?

When is she officially out? At what point does she give up rights to come live there, as soon as it is clear she has moved out such as when she removed all her personal belongings and clothes (as in now), or is it when she delivers the Quip Claim to me, or is it when she files for a change of address?

What is a good way to do the payoff/quip claim exchange because what if I pay off the house loan, for which both are names are on but she has been solely responsible for paying she decides not to deliver the quip claim?

Do I have to pay taxes or anything by her selling me her equity?

If it comes down to it, what kind of legal fees can I expect to pay to fight her for my share of the household goods and the ring and settlement of the house, assuming she fights back with equal vengeance? The relationship ended because she decided to have an affair while I was out of town on a job and clean me out while I was away but I just happened to come home that night to find a house without her, her love letters, and a house all boxed up. She is claiming that my behavior drove her too it by using illegal drugs and ignoring her. She is the one ending it.

The engagement has been 10 years because I never could come to settling onto an actual marriage date so the delay was my fault.

She claims she is holding my things as a starting point for negotiation plus claiming that some of the furniture were “Valentine’s Day gifts”, which they most certainly were not.

 

[stealth2]

Since she's on the deed to the house, you may not be legally permitted to change the locks and lock her out. Personally, I would retain an attorney and then do what s/he says.

 

[Lightner]

Well so far I haven't had to incur any expenses assuming I can get my stuff back. It's my house, don't I have the right to change locks on my house? Isn't she out once she cleared her stuff out? That's how it use to work with apartment leases I know, if the place was abandoned, you were considered moved out.

 

[stealth2]

Her name is on the deed. She is a co-owner. It is her house as much as it is yours. Which part of this is confusing? As such, if the only way she can get in is to break a window - and she can show the cops that she is on the deed as a co-owner, there is NOTHING you can do.

If she has any brains, she will not sign the quit-claim until you refinance - in a divorce situation, those are usually done concurrently. Otherwise one of you ends up with the short end of the stick.

Honestly - you'd be well served going through a lawyer to make sure your a$$ is covered.

(edit - apartment leases are totally different than home ownership)

 

[Lightner]

Thanks momma. The part I don't understand is where I don't have the right to change the locks. Her having the right to break in is another story. I'm not sure having your name on the deed has any bearing. Are you an attorney? The reason I ask is because if I rented the place out to a friend of mine, as I have now done, just because I'm on the deed doesn't give me the right to break in. So I assume she doesn't have the right either. The lease says I have a right only to reasonable access. I did an informal lease to a friend of mine based on advice I received in another forum.

They suggested I go there, change the locks, have a friend sign a lease to rent the place, and to have the friend there with me at all times so that I cannot be acccused of hitting her, for which she could have a restraining order placed on me or have me hauled away, giving her fee access to the house to do as she pleases.

Why would she not sign the quit claim. It is my understanding that it has no value unless delivered to me, so she could sign it just to have it ready, since it must be signed in front of two witnesses and a notary. Otherwise I'm seeing a problem in coordinating the payoff of the loan and the handoff of the quit claim to happen simultaneously as in a store transaction. Even if I don't pay off the loan, since my name is on it, I'm still responsible for the loan just as she is, and the house is the collateral so she is rather safe.

 

[stealth2]

Why would she not sign the quit claim. It is my understanding that it has no value unless delivered to me, so she could sign it just to have it ready, since it must be signed in front of two witnesses and a notary. Otherwise I'm seeing a problem in coordinating the payoff of the loan and the handoff of the quit claim to happen simultaneously as in a store transaction. Even if I don't pay off the loan, since my name is on it, I'm still responsible for the loan just as she is, and the house is the collateral so she is rather safe.

let's see... why would it be foolish to sign off all rights to a piece of property while still retaining some level of financial obligation to it.... hmmmm..... perhaps because the person holding the deed (you) could then sell it, and take off - leaving her holding the bag for the loan her name is also on. Yeah - that would be a bright idea.

No, I am not a lawyer. Which is why I keep suggesting you do this through one. I've seen enough people who don't know wtf they're doing try to do it themselves and muck it up badly, then come whining about how to fix it. Do it the right way the first time.

And she didn't give anyone permission to live in HER property, so the lease you have may not be binding on her. Do you know if she could call the cops and have your buddy thrown out? Did that scenario occur to you?

 

[Ex Is Nuts]

The part I don't understand is where I don't have the right to change the locks.

You can change the locks, but she can have locksmith come out and pick them, make her a key to them, ,or like was previously posted, she can break a window out to gain access. So what's the point? You're spending money uselessly.

As far as the engagement ring goes.... I look at it this way (but you can do whatever you want). I've had alot of people in my life that I have gotten pissed at, including family and friends, but I never once asked forthem to return their Christmas presents. Just let her have the stupid thing......

As far as renters and what not... no one has been declared to have possession of the house by a court, so, I would think she would be entitled to have say so in who rents it.... I have to therefore agree, that this lease agreement may just be a pc of worthless paper.......

As momma_tiger suggested, you need an attorney, and need to get some crap on paper thru the courts. Untiil then, she has as much right to that house as YOU do. If you don't want her taking anything else out of it, then take it out yourself and store it somewhere....... that's the only option I see available to you at this time.............

 

[nhunsb1]

Many people here are not lawyers... more importantly none of us are your lawyer.

Take the advice given and get one of your own.

 

[Lightner]

Thanks. I will do as advised. As I mentioned in the original post, I have already consulted but not retained an attorney.

I thought there were laywers on this board? Does anybody have the answers to my other questions originally posted?

With regards to the ring, I don't normally spend anything near that amount for a Christmas gift, or any gift for that matter. It is probably the most expensive gift I will ever buy someone and I'd rather not have to do it twice. Even though I will ultimately let her keep the ring, it would be nice it it counted for something when dividing up who gets what. It was $7,500 10 years ago.

 

[stealth2]

With regards to the ring, I don't normally spend anything near that amount for a Christmas gift, or any gift for that matter. It is probably the most expensive gift I will ever buy someone and I'd rather not have to do it twice. Even though I will ultimately let her keep the ring, it would be nice it it counted for something when dividing up who gets what. It was $7,500 10 years ago.

Quite frankly, if you couldn't actually get from the ring to the altar in 10 years - she deserves to keep the ring. To add to that, if a guy asked me to marry him and offered the ring he bought for his PREVIOUS fiancee, I'd say no and kick him in the balls.

 

[Lightner]

I think if I couldn't get to the alter after 10 years, she must never have deserved the ring in the first place. Her actions recently confirm this.

 

[VeronicaGia]

You need to retain an attorney a.s.a.p. You have the right to some of that property, including the engagement ring, and she has the right to the home or 1/2 the equity. This is going to be a messy battle.

An engagement ring is given in anticipation of marriage. Once the marriage takes place, even if only for a day, the ring stays with the woman. If there is no marriage, the ring goes back.

You need to start gathering cancelled checks, receipts, bank statements, etc., to prove you indeed paid the mortgate, for furniture, everything.

 

[Lightner]

Half the home? Where do you get that from? I don't think so. That was why we had an attorney and a cohabitation agreement drawn up before we moved in together that clearly indicates how the home equity is to be divided should we separate. There is no question about dividing the house up. Each gets exactly what they put into it plus their portion of the appreciation, if any. Just the belongings are in question.

Thus far I have reached an agreement with her to hand over the house and all the furniture I paid for. She is keeping the decorations. I will pay off the mortgage and retain 100% ownership of the house. Attorneys are expensive. I'm going to avoid using one if I can and in my experience, they often give outright incorrect advice as what the case I had in the past and seems to be the case with a new attorney I just consulted.

At this point, there is little more she can do so I don't see the need for an attorney unless she does come through with our verbal agreement. She will keep the ring.

 

[VeronicaGia]

So she's willing to sign a quit claim deed to remove herself from the title? Also, is she on the mortgage? If so, you will have to refinance in your name only.

It sounds like you two have worked it out. Just make sure you get it all legally done or you'll have even a bigger mess on your hands.

Best of luck.

 

[Lightner]

Yes, she will sign a quit claim to remove herself from the deed. There will be no refinancing, as I will pay the mortage off. Her equity was valued very close to 0.

I would have bought her new furniture if she had not stolen mine. Now she is bringing mine back because she wants out quick for her sanity (or because the other guy is pushing).

I did want to know where I stand for the purposes of negotiation, as in worst case scenario where it goes to court. I never did find out what an attorney might charge for this type of case and you never know, until I have the quip in my hand, my furniture returned, etc., nothing is final.

But I did tell her that she needs to get the stuff back to me within a week because if she doesn't then my attorney would be filing some papers with regard to what she took. That seeme to do the trick.