Divorce From Controling Husband

[wilket]

What is the name of your state? SC

My friend, age 40, is separated from her husband (not legally?) after a marriage of 15 years. He chose to move out. She lives with her 12 year old daughter in a condo. She is mentally disabled (OCD). I don’t believe that she is able to hold employment that will allow her to even come close to supporting herself and her daughter.

The marital assets appear to be limited to the condo acquired during the marriage, which is in his name, and an inheritance (not sure how much) from her grandfather. Somehow, his name is included on this account as well. This is very bothersome to me. This is apparently the only source of money and it is limited. The husband is currently unemployed.

They are planning to divorce. The husband is supposedly working on the divorce with his lawyer or paralegal. He insists that she not discuss the divorce with anyone. He tells her that this would prolong the process. He is right about that I’m sure. It seems to me that he is threatening to stall the divorce if she does discuss it with anyone outside. I am very concerned that her interests are not being considered as they should be. I have suggested several times that she should at least seek the advice of a lawyer. She resists the idea saying that she just wants to get it over with. I have explained that without a lawyer to represent her interests, she may be left with nothing. This is made much worse by her lacking the ability to support herself.

I have tried to at least convince her not to sign any papers until she at least has someone look at them for her.

I am very concerned for her future.

I do not believe that he should be entitled to anything from her inheritance.

I think she should receive at least 50% share of the condo and if the child continues to live with her, she should be allowed to live there as long as the child is dependent.

I think she should receive child support if the child continues to live with her.
Spousal support would certainly be helpful in her situation.

I’m not sure what the custody arrangement will be. I am sure that he child should live with her mother. A joint custody arrangement might be okay.

It especially concerns me that her husband is intent on dictating the terms of the divorce.
He will be able to do this if she is not “allowed to” have someone represent her.

For instance, he has stated that she may live in the condo for 3 years, after that it is her problem what she does. Remember, she is disabled and unlikely to be able to support herself in the future.

Any ideas about this situation are helpful.

Thanks

 

[seniorjudge]

What is the name of your state? SC

My friend, age 40, is separated from her husband (not legally?) after a marriage of 15 years. He chose to move out. She lives with her 12 year old daughter in a condo. She is mentally disabled (OCD). I don’t believe that she is able to hold employment that will allow her to even come close to supporting herself and her daughter.

The marital assets appear to be limited to the condo acquired during the marriage, which is in his name, and an inheritance (not sure how much) from her grandfather. Somehow, his name is included on this account as well. This is very bothersome to me. This is apparently the only source of money and it is limited. The husband is currently unemployed.

They are planning to divorce. The husband is supposedly working on the divorce with his lawyer or paralegal. He insists that she not discuss the divorce with anyone. He tells her that this would prolong the process. He is right about that I’m sure. It seems to me that he is threatening to stall the divorce if she does discuss it with anyone outside. I am very concerned that her interests are not being considered as they should be. I have suggested several times that she should at least seek the advice of a lawyer. She resists the idea saying that she just wants to get it over with. I have explained that without a lawyer to represent her interests, she may be left with nothing. This is made much worse by her lacking the ability to support herself.

I have tried to at least convince her not to sign any papers until she at least has someone look at them for her.

I am very concerned for her future.

I do not believe that he should be entitled to anything from her inheritance.

I think she should receive at least 50% share of the condo and if the child continues to live with her, she should be allowed to live there as long as the child is dependent.

I think she should receive child support if the child continues to live with her.
Spousal support would certainly be helpful in her situation.

I’m not sure what the custody arrangement will be. I am sure that he child should live with her mother. A joint custody arrangement might be okay.

It especially concerns me that her husband is intent on dictating the terms of the divorce.
He will be able to do this if she is not “allowed to” have someone represent her.

For instance, he has stated that she may live in the condo for 3 years, after that it is her problem what she does. Remember, she is disabled and unlikely to be able to support herself in the future.

Any ideas about this situation are helpful.

Thanks

Any ideas about this situation are helpful.

I think you need to hire the meanest divorce lawyer you can find.

 

[wilket]

Thanks for your response.

He is not happy at all with her contact with me. I have apparently put ideas in her head about looking out for her interest.
I think he may be threatening me. He has said something about coming to see me where I work or live.
By the way, I am a guy.

 

[shell007]

OP:

When you stated: I do not believe that he should be entitled to anything from her inheritance

Did she get the inheritance before they were married or after?

 

[wilket]

I'm not sure, I think after. Why does it matter?

 

[shell007]

I asked because I have read several places on this site where:

Anything that was acquired during a marriage is considered "marital assets "therefore 50/50 split.

Anything acquired prior to a marriage is exempt and not to be split 50/50.

If this is the case in your state, and the inheritance was received during the marriage then the husband may be entitled to 1/2 of what is left over of that inheritance money.


Hold tight...hopefully by replying this will put you back to "new posts" and hopefully someone will join in and answer some or the rest of your questions, including more insight about what I just said.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

O.K. let's try and make sense of this before you get innundated with useless and wrong information.

What is the name of your state? SC

My friend, age 40, is separated from her husband (not legally?) after a marriage of 15 years. He chose to move out. She lives with her 12 year old daughter in a condo. She is mentally disabled (OCD). I don’t believe that she is able to hold employment that will allow her to even come close to supporting herself and her daughter.

Then she has a problem with filing a divorce or, for that matter, a legal separation unless she understands and can participate in the legal proceedings necessary for the divorce process.

The marital assets appear to be limited to the condo acquired during the marriage, which is in his name, and an inheritance (not sure how much) from her grandfather. Somehow, his name is included on this account as well. This is very bothersome to me. This is apparently the only source of money and it is limited. The husband is currently unemployed.

The condo, purchased during the marriage, is a marital asset to be divided accordingly. The inheritance, at one time, was separate property however, by his name also being on the account in which the monies are on deposit, that account and all monies therein have been converted to a marital asset.

They are planning to divorce. The husband is supposedly working on the divorce with his lawyer or paralegal. He insists that she not discuss the divorce with anyone. He tells her that this would prolong the process. He is right about that I’m sure. It seems to me that he is threatening to stall the divorce if she does discuss it with anyone outside.

She needs her own attorney PERIOD!

I am very concerned that her interests are not being considered as they should be. I have suggested several times that she should at least seek the advice of a lawyer. She resists the idea saying that she just wants to get it over with. I have explained that without a lawyer to represent her interests, she may be left with nothing. This is made much worse by her lacking the ability to support herself.

not only that but also without a place to live, without children and without funds.

I have tried to at least convince her not to sign any papers until she at least has someone look at them for her.

If she is an adult then that's all you can do.

I am very concerned for her future.
I do not believe that he should be entitled to anything from her inheritance.

And you would be wrong.

I think she should receive at least 50% share of the condo and if the child continues to live with her, she should be allowed to live there as long as the child is dependent.

That is not up to you, me or the fencepost. That is a matter of fact for the court.

I think she should receive child support if the child continues to live with her.
Spousal support would certainly be helpful in her situation.

Again, all are questions for the court to decide.

I’m not sure what the custody arrangement will be. I am sure that he child should live with her mother. A joint custody arrangement might be okay.

That is NOT a given. As you said eariler, she has problems and if the court deems them sificient enough to bar full custody, that's something she'll have to overcome.

If you are a real friend you'll explain to her that she can't at once claim disability so disabling as to not work and require lifetime support and then come and stipulate to the court that she is of sufficient well-being to raise a child.

It especially concerns me that her husband is intent on dictating the terms of the divorce.
He will be able to do this if she is not “allowed to” have someone represent her.

Already answered.

For instance, he has stated that she may live in the condo for 3 years, after that it is her problem what she does. Remember, she is disabled and unlikely to be able to support herself in the future.

And again, that is a question for the court to decide.

 

[LdiJ]

I am going to repeat what you have heard from other responses. SHE NEEDS AN ATTORNEY. The fact that he is attempting to insist that she speak to no one about the divorce is a clear indication that he intends to work everything to his advantage, and against hers. She NEEDS representation.

 

[wilket]

Thanks for the replies.
Bottom line. She has to get a lawyer.
Thanks also for the clarifications, especially on the inheritance. I knew it was not good when she told me that his name had been added to the account.
He continues to do things that make me suspect that he is planning to leave her with nothing.
I'm disappointed with his lawyer too. I guess it is unrealistic to expect that she not be taken advantage of. It's too much to think that he might suggest to him that she have representation. It makes his job much easier.
Again thanks for the info.

 

[Just Blue]

Now ...this might be a dumb question...But if the account with the inheritance is in both names....can't, either one of them, just go and withdraw the money?

 

[shell007]

OP wrote:

The husband is supposedly working on the divorce with his lawyer or paralegal

babystategirl asked:

Now ...this might be a dumb question...But if the account with the inheritance is in both names....can't, either one of them, just go and withdraw the money?

If he has a lawyer already, and the money comes up missing (by either party, if there is still money left), I would like to think they better be ready with a good explanation as to where it went and why?

I'm sure someone will give us the answer!

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Now ...this might be a dumb question...But if the account with the inheritance is in both names....can't, either one of them, just go and withdraw the money?

Simple answer is yes....

HOWEVER, it's not as simple as that. If the inheritance can be 'traced' to it's origin then it does not convert. And the only way to do that is to hire an attorney to place an injunction on all 'marital assets' and a forensic accountant to trace the money back to it's origin.

 

[wilket]

Her husband is trying to stop her from having any contact with me.
Apparently I'm a bad influence on her. I put ideas in her head about
being her own person. He doesn't like for her to think for herself.
We had been seeing each other. We talk, nothing more. We also
seem to be really good together. She is in a very difficult stituation
and needs a friend. Now we mostly talk on the phone due to his objections.
He has decided that he doesn't like this either. They have been separated
(not legally) for some time and are in the process of divorce.
Again we talk only although we are attracted to each other. We have been
careful not do anything more. He seems to thinks we are having a "relationship". We can't help what he thinks. She needs someone to talk to.
Is my contact with her, either talking in person or on the phone, a legal issue in this divorce? What can we do?

 

[brisgirl825]

Is my contact with her, either talking in person or on the phone, a legal issue in this divorce? What can we do?

Nope.........