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  1. #1
    gobonas99 is offline Member
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    Question Divorce & Restraining Orders in Ohio - Please Help!

    What is the name of your state? Ohio.

    Hi. I am writing this to get information for a very close college friend of mine who lives in Cleveland, OH, and was recently divorced (final in April 02) from her husband of 2.5 years.

    The primary reason for their divorce was that he was verbally and emotionally abusive towards her, and just before he moved out in Oct 01, things had started to get physical (he would push her and such - but nothing that ever left bruises). They had also been going to marriage counseling (I am not sure how long they went for, but I know it was for at least 6 months prior to him moving out). She also caught him downloading internet porn and cheating on her with other women online.

    Since their divorce, my friend's ex has spurts where he will constantly call her (home and cell phone) and email her, and then she'll have a couple of weeks where she won't hear from him at all, then it starts all over again. There was one instance when he showed up at her door in the rain. He keeps telling her that he thinks he made a mistake, that he's changed, that he wants her back, etc. Thankfully, she knows that she is better off without him than with him, and does NOT want to be back in that relationship. She has repeatedly asked him to stop calling her, emailing her, etc, because he hurts her (emotionally) everytime he contacts her.

    She does not want the hassle of changing her phone numbers or email address, as she uses them for her job. Is a restraining order an option for her to get him to stop contacting her? Myself and some other friends of her feel that a restraining order, or some other legal option that would have serious consequences (ie jail time) if it is broken, is probably the only way to get him to leave her alone.

    We told her to call her divorce lawyer to see what he thinks, but I promised her I would do some research to see if I could find out if there is even an avenue for her to explore to get him to leave her alone.

    Any information or advice that I could pass on to her would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
  2. #2
    gobonas99 is offline Member
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    I have been playing phone tag with my friend, so I am not sure if she has called her lawyer yet or what he told her.

    Is there anyone out there who can help my friend with this?

    thanks!
  3. #3
    djohnson is offline Senior Member
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    Its not that no one wants to answer you, but everyone here has different specialties and areas that they are knowledable about. Apparently no one from your area that knows the answer has read the post yet.

    If he is harassing her then she should be able to put a restraining order on him that he can't get so close to her or he is in violation. But she needs to go ahead and do it. I am not in your area but know it can be done here.
  4. #4
    stephenk is offline Senior Member
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    if the ex is contacting her and interfering with her work or well being, she can request a restraining order against him. yes, if he violates the order he can be arrested and jailed.

    in the meantime, cant she set up her work email to block his email address? if he calls at work, dont take his calls or have his calls go to her voicemail.

    when he shows up at her house unannounced, have your friend call the police to tell him to leave and have the police make a report. the report will be useful for her application for a restraining order.
  5. #5
    gobonas99 is offline Member
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    Thank you to all who responded. I was finally able to get ahold of my friend. She has not called her lawyer. I told her everything that you guys said about this. She said that she has become friends with a police officer who actually patrols her neighborhood (I believe he also lives in the neighborhood). She said he told her that if her ex bothers her again, to call him and he will come over and take care of it. I told her that is good, and the next time her ex comes over to her house to do just that. I told her about your post, Beth....she made a comment that her ex would never do that. So I told her that you had not thought your brother would go that far, either. I also told her that I definitely would NOT put it past her ex to do something like that - especially if he finds out that she has started dating.

    My husband and I were talking after I got off the phone with her. He thinks she should move to a different apartment, and I agree with him, particularly because her current apartment is the second story of a house, and she cannot see who is at her door without going downstairs to let them in (not the safest setup in the world). We both thinks that she needs to move someplace where she can either see who is at her door from a window, or where she has an outside door with a peephole.
  6. #6
    gobonas99 is offline Member
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    I am planning to suggest moving to her the next time we talk (hopefully this weekend). As far as not letting her ex know where, I don't know if that is possible because he has to pay her alimony, and he needs to know where to mail the check, right?

    I don't think that moving would be a non-option for her (outside of the fact that she'd have to pack up all her junk...and she has a TON, trust me...*grin*), but I know she loves the apartment. As for installing a peephole in her door. She could, but it wouldn't help. As I mentioned, her apartment is the second floor of an old house. Her "front door" is on the second story landing at the rear of the house (across the hall from her "front door" she has a door to her sun porch, which she can lock). The door with the doorbell for her apartment is downstairs - it has a screen door and a wooden door with a window. (The set up is strange - from the outside door, you walk in onto a landing - down a half flight to the basement with the laundry room), up a half flight to the first floor apartment, up a half flight to a landing, up another half flight to the second floor apartment, up a half flight to another landing, and up a final half flight to the third floor apartment.) In order for her to see who is ringing the doorbell, she either has to go downstairs, or literally stick her head out the kitchen window. Maybe instead of a peephole, she should ask her landlord to install an intercom system (the third floor lessee must have the same problem of not knowing who is at the door).....I will suggest that to her. =)

    Thanks. =)
    Christina
  7. #7
    deeperstill Guest
    I too am not an atty, but seeking help here. This sounds like my scenario entirely, until I got a protective order, albeit not in your same state. It did not stop the harrassment, until he was arrested for stalking finally and faces umpteen felony charges for it. What stopped it was the fact that the police finally stopped him. She needs to protect herself and call her lawyer. Obviously, he's not respecting her wishes to stop. Good luck to her!
  8. #8
    ellencee is offline Senior Member
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    OK--a protective order is as good as the person to whom the protective order is against. If he is a criminal, it won't matter one little bit. If he is intent on hurting her, it won't matter one little bit.

    Like most enablers, she doesn't want to move, she doesn't want to change her phone number, she doesn't want to change her email address, she wants him to change.

    That's really foolish--kind of like standing in the middle of the interstate and wanting the traffic to miss you.

    Get the divorce, make the changes, and always be on the alert and have your family and friends on the alert.
  9. #9
    deeperstill Guest
    I agree...my point was lost in the brevity of my post. I had moved 300 miles, separated, and had total support from day one. The day I moved, I took myself to the courthouse for the order and filed for divorce...and he finally was arrested and stopped because of it. The order didn't stop him, as nothing ever will. Making it a violation to contact me made it easy for the police to assist me. The fact that his harrassment violated my order made him chargeable for felonies and because of it the state's atty and police have kept him away from me.
  10. #10
    ellencee is offline Senior Member
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    excellent points!

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