Divorce/Separation how quickly can I move out

[LiteWait]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CT

I am going to file for separation/divorce from my wife and we have 2 children 13 and 14. I don't want to be charged with abandonment but I do want to go buy/rent something where my children can stay with me 1/2 time (planning to pull for joint custody as I work home and have been involved with the kids as much as her). What steps need to occur to get a hold of my 1/2 of the assets (actually 2/3 resides in the house we own for cash). Is there some kind of temporary agreement I can get? If I could get out of this house I'd do it in a minute, but I don't want to jeopardized custody. What is the fastest way? I want to try to get her to do mediation/collaborative since I know litigation could take a long time. Please give me some advice.

 

[mistoffolees]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CT

I am going to file for separation/divorce from my wife and we have 2 children 13 and 14. I don't want to be charged with abandonment but I do want to go buy/rent something where my children can stay with me 1/2 time (planning to pull for joint custody as I work home and have been involved with the kids as much as her). What steps need to occur to get a hold of my 1/2 of the assets (actually 2/3 resides in the house we own for cash). Is there some kind of temporary agreement I can get? If I could get out of this house I'd do it in a minute, but I don't want to jeopardized custody. What is the fastest way? I want to try to get her to do mediation/collaborative since I know litigation could take a long time. Please give me some advice.

Don't move out until you have a court order which covers the custody arrangement.

In SOME states, it is enough to have a letter signed by both parties - IF YOU IMMEDIATELY START THE SHARED PHYSICAL CUSTODY ARRANGEMENT. Check with an attorney in your area to determine if that is enough. But until you get the OK of either your attorney or the court, I'd stay put.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CT

I am going to file for separation/divorce from my wife and we have 2 children 13 and 14. I don't want to be charged with abandonment but I do want to go buy/rent something where my children can stay with me 1/2 time (planning to pull for joint custody as I work home and have been involved with the kids as much as her). What steps need to occur to get a hold of my 1/2 of the assets (actually 2/3 resides in the house we own for cash). Is there some kind of temporary agreement I can get? If I could get out of this house I'd do it in a minute, but I don't want to jeopardized custody. What is the fastest way? I want to try to get her to do mediation/collaborative since I know litigation could take a long time. Please give me some advice.

Some food for thought...

Teens often don't like the back and forth of a 50/50 timeshare unless their lives don't change much at all as a result. Your kids are old enough that their wishes may have some weight in court...so you need to think about what they want, not just about what you want. I am absolutely not saying that you should tell the children that they have to make any choices...I am telling you to pay attention to what they are saying and feeling and therefore be aware of what they want. You are a parent, you know how to do that.

The parents that I have known that have made 50/50 work the best with teens, are parents who chose to live in the same neighborhood, so that life for their teens didn't change much at all...the only variation was where they slept at night. They also gave the teens free run between homes (except for where they slept at night), allowed them to live the same social lives/activities that they had prior to the divorce etc. They were also very consistant with rules as well.

However, even in those families it wasn't uncommon by about age 16 for a teen to say "enough is enough, I just want one place that is home". In fact, if they were a couple of years older right now, my guess is that their wishes would have a great deal of weight regarding where they would live.

As far as the legal issues are concerned, my advice would be to stay put until custody issues are decided, and until its certain what the financial agreements are going to be.

Its quite complicated to divide your lives financially and both of you will end up struggling to one extent or another. Don't run into additional financial commitments until you have a clear picture of where you will stand.

 

[LiteWait]

Understood. I know my kids and they love us both equally and when give the choice they will want go 50/50 I am sure. The house I am looking at is (literally) a 4 minute bike ride away.

Maybe I should have put the question another way....

If we mediate vs. collaborate vs. litigate ... estimate how long will it take before I am free to move on?

 

[mistoffolees]

Understood. I know my kids and they love us both equally and when give the choice they will want go 50/50 I am sure. The house I am looking at is (literally) a 4 minute bike ride away.

Maybe I should have put the question another way....

If we mediate vs. collaborate vs. litigate ... estimate how long will it take before I am free to move on?

Keep in mind that no agreement that you make is binding until the court has finalized it. Your stbx could agree to everything and then the minute you move out change her mind.

As I said, in some jurisdictions, if you have a written agreement and immediately start acting on it, that will be enough to protect your custody rights. But not all courts see it that way, so you really need to discuss it with an attorney familiar with your court.