Divorce from spouse of 32 years

What is the name of your state? Virginia
My spouse and I have had irreconcilable differences for several years. My spouse is a retired Va National Guardsman and is eligible to retire from Civil Service this year. We have no minor children. I have recently left a job as a trust officer and am working as a temp. We own a home and have considerable debt. My spouse is and has been verbally abusive for years. This year I was threatened with physical abuse. What are the chances that I will be able to receive alimony and/or a portion of retirement income from both sources mentioned? There is also a question of witholding of marital rights, namely physical relations.
Thank you

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My response:

And, you're the husband doing the writing and asking, correct?

IAAL

I am the wife.

[url]http://www.carol-hill.com/docs/support.htm[/url]

HOW IS SPOUSAL SUPPORT DETERMINED IN VIRGINIA?

Spousal support in Virginia may be awarded against either spouse. Unlike child support, there is no table or chart in the Virginia Code which helps a Court determine what a correct amount for spousal support is. There are a number of factors listed in the Code which the Court must use to help it determine spousal support. Those factors include such things as the earning capacity, obligations, needs and financial resources of the parties, education and training of the parties, the standard of living established during the marriage, the duration of the marriage, the age and physical and mental condition of the parties, among other things. (For the text of the Code section regarding the determination of spousal support. Spousal Support)

Despite the absence of a specific formula in the Code, as in the case of child support, there is a formula which is sometimes used by Courts in Northern Virginia to estimate TEMPORARY spousal support, during the period of a divorce case. The Fairfax County Bar Association has derived a spousal support chart which all the Judges in Fairfax County recognize, as well as SOME of the Judges in other Northern Virginia jurisdictions, including some of the Judges in Prince William County.

If you go to the site (above) there is a link to the Virginia Code re Spousal Support.

Good Luck!

Re: Divorce from spouse of 32 years:
Thank you coosi. Looks like I have a "leap of faith" challenge here.

Virginia
I have another question, to which I have not been able to find the answer. How would someone go about proving "constructive abandonment"? Would I have to start keeping a diary, keep some sort of calendar hash marks or just use notches on a bedpost??

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

Originally posted by va1621
Virginia
I have another question, to which I have not been able to find the answer. How would someone go about proving "constructive abandonment"? Would I have to start keeping a diary, keep some sort of calendar hash marks or just use notches on a bedpost??

My response:

When I was dating, and one of my girlfriends had "notches" on her bedpost, I ran for the hills - - after an evening of "nookie-nookie". I filed in my own notch.

IAAL

[url]http://www-tradoc.army.mil/opja/la/divorce.htm[/url]

Facts about divorce and separation in Virginia
Due to the increase in marital breakdown in our society, almost everyone has been or could be affected in some way by divorce or separation. Dissolving a marriage usually involves property rights and financial matters and can raise complicated legal problems, especially when children are involved.

Q. What are the grounds for divorce?

A. There are two types of divorce in Virginia. A bed and board decree is a partial divorce under which a husband and wife are legally separated from each other but are not permitted to marry another person because their marriage to each other is not ended. A divorce from the bond of matrimony is an absolute divorce that ends the marriage. Either party to a bed and board decree can ask the court to have that decree merged into a divorce from the bond of matrimony after one year from the time their separation commenced.

Even if the husband and wife agree that their marriage should be ended, valid reasons for a divorce must exist and be proved to the court. These are called the "grounds" for divorce, and they are briefly described below.

Divorce from Bed and Board

Willful desertion or abandonment

Desertion or abandonment is a breaking off of cohabitation combined with the deserter’s intention of deserting the marriage. Both must combine to make the desertion legally complete. A mere separation by mutual consent is not desertion by either spouse. If one spouse leaves because the other has committed acts which legally amount to cruelty, the spouse who leaves is not guilty of desertion, and in fact may be awarded a divorce on the ground of cruelty or constructive desertion.

When desertion has continued for a period of over one year from the date of the separation, it becomes a ground for divorce from the bond of matrimony.

[url]http://www.divorcesource.com/VA/ARTICLES/krause1.html[/url]

In both Virginia and D.C. there are two "no-fault" grounds for ("absolute") divorce. In Virginia, if there are no minor (under 18) children and the couple has a written separation agreement, after six months of sufficient continuous physical separation, without "cohabitation" (for marital-discord reasons, during which at least one of the spouses intended that the separation was other than a mere "trial separation") -either party may file for divorce. If there are minor children, or, even if there aren't, if the couple has not signed a separation agreement -- the "waiting period" (of sufficient continuous physical separation, without "cohabitation") is one year. In D.C., regardless of whether there are minor children [for custody and child support purposes, in D.C., the age of (effective) "majority" is 21] -- after the physical separation has been by mutual consent for a period of six continuous months (also, without intervening "cohabitation"), either party may file for divorce on the no-fault ground; otherwise, the "waiting period" is one year in D.C., also. In D.C., a written separation agreement is not needed to prove sufficient "mutual consent" (to invoke the six-month no-fault ground). Actually, the Virginia provision does not expressly state that a written separation agreement is needed, but that is the way at least the vast majority of the judges and lawyers are interpreting the statutory language.

Thank you for your detailed reply Coosi. I was laboring under the misconception that constructive abandonment could be declared when the parties were still living together but not having marital relations.

The little bit I've been able to digest about our Virginia laws is that you have to have strong evidence to prove "cruelty" etc.

I have to add that I get the impression that my husband has been doing some research himself. He obviously is not any happier than I am, yet he refuses to file for divorce or agree to see a mediator. I really hate to put an end to such a long lasting relationship, but I feel I can't trust him any longer. Unfortunately, money means a great deal to him. He has 4 siblings and they have all gone through at least one divorce, here in Virginia. If I make the first move, could this be an advantage to him? Is there a chance I would be required to pay for his attorney?

I don't want either of us to be hurt or put at a disadvantage. By the same token, I do not want to find myself penniless and on the street after working for 32 years while simultaneously helping maintain a household. This is and has been extremely stressful for me.

I have posted for an attorney through the links on this site, but have not heard back from anyone yet. I have no idea what a separation would cost me, or even if I could afford it. Any additional constructive insights you can provide will be truly appreciated.
Thank you

Does this help??

Any of the following grounds may be used for divorce in Virginia:

Voluntary Separation : (No-fault): 6 months separation if the parties have no children, 1 year if the parties have children and they enter into a separation agreement that provides for the equitable distribution of the parties' property and the care, custody and support of the children;

*in Virginia, spouses can be "separated
" and still live in the same house. The legal requirement for separation before filing for divorce requires at least

separate sleeping arrangements and a lack of physical relations.

Felony Conviction : At least 1 year imprisonment;
Desertion;
Cruelty;
Adultery;
How long does it take to get a divorce in Virginia?

If grounds for divorce have been met i.e. separation for 6 or 12 months (without/with kids), adultery or some other fault based grounds, a divorce can usually be granted within 2-3 months of filing (if the parties agree to the terms for the division of property (if any), and care, custody and support of their children (if any).If the parties cannot agree, a trial date must be set. Depending on the court's schedule, it may take several months or even a year or more to get a trial date.

Yes, thank you very much. That's exactly what I was trying to find out.
Bless you for putting all the information in layman's terms. I am grateful to you for not trivializing my problem.

I hope you can continue to help others as much as you have helped me, you are truly a blessing.

Thank you.