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  1. #1
    Avidan is offline Junior Member
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    Divorcing Parents - Disabled Mother

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio

    Since this is about divorce, I put it in this forum, though I am also asking about disability and assistance. If this is in the wrong forum I apologize.

    See, the problem is that after 32 years of marriage, my parents are getting divorced. My mother, who is 55, is disabled but could not get disability because of my father's income. I am her 31 year old and eldest son, and am unemployed due to layoff (past the extent of unemployment compensation), but for the past number of years, I have also taken care of my mother full time. She requires medical supplies and medications that she gets on my father's insurance. When they divorce, she will most likely lose insurance benefits and income.

    Without any income, benefits, work, or even a house, as they rent, is there any way to get help for my mother and I, as I will still be caring for her? I don't want either of us to end up in the street, but I don't know what to do to keep that from happening.
  2. #2
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    Dad may be required to pay alimony, and possibly provide health insurance for Mom. She should also likely reapply for disability once they're divorced. However, he will not likely be required to also support you. So you will need to get back to work, one way or another.
  3. #3
    mistoffolees is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by stealth2 View Post
    Dad may be required to pay alimony, and possibly provide health insurance for Mom. She should also likely reapply for disability once they're divorced. However, he will not likely be required to also support you. So you will need to get back to work, one way or another.
    In addition, check to see if Mom can remain on Dad's insurance after the divorce, perhaps via COBRA. Personally, I haven't seen it, but someone says that they see it frequently. COBRA is expensive, but if it's the only alternative, it might make sense.

    Depending on the benefits Mom receives when she reapplies, she might get coverage to pay a part or full-time aide which would allow OP to go out and get a job. Or, if he's licensed, it might pay him.
  4. #4
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    Yep. But either way, OP is going to have to find a way to support himself. No judge that I know of will force Dad to support his adult son. Not even to provide care for his ex.
  5. #5
    PQN
    PQN is offline Member
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    Alimony is one source of income (and rather likely after a 32 year marriage).

    Also, have her re-apply for SSI. Without dad's income, she may qualify if her disability is severe enough and well documented.
  6. #6
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by stealth2 View Post
    Yep. But either way, OP is going to have to find a way to support himself. No judge that I know of will force Dad to support his adult son. Not even to provide care for his ex.
    I agree, but I do know that occasionally family members are approved by medicaid/SSDI to be paid as caregivers for disabled relatives.
  7. #7
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    So how much does dad earn? Because alimony may NOT happen. How old is dad? What is dad's education level? Do they own or rent the home? Does your father have a pension/retirement account?

    There are many more questions that need answered before it is assured that alimony will happen.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  8. #8
    Avidan is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by stealth2 View Post
    Dad may be required to pay alimony, and possibly provide health insurance for Mom. She should also likely reapply for disability once they're divorced. However, he will not likely be required to also support you. So you will need to get back to work, one way or another.
    I thought so. For me, work is the problem. I provide her care around the clock. She has very little ability to walk (due to multiple surgeries, a disease of the nervous system now in remission, failed knee surgeries and so on), and the house they rent is small and so she needs assistance getting from one place to another inside. She has other health issues that also require frequent monitoring, and so it leaves me between a rock and a hard place. Even if I could find a job (I've been looking since the day I was laid off), there would be no one to care for her.

    Quote Originally Posted by mistoffolees View Post
    In addition, check to see if Mom can remain on Dad's insurance after the divorce, perhaps via COBRA. Personally, I haven't seen it, but someone says that they see it frequently. COBRA is expensive, but if it's the only alternative, it might make sense.

    Depending on the benefits Mom receives when she reapplies, she might get coverage to pay a part or full-time aide which would allow OP to go out and get a job. Or, if he's licensed, it might pay him.
    I didn't think about that. I can see if she can stay on his insurance.
    Unfortunately, I am not licensed as a caregiver. I wish!

    Quote Originally Posted by stealth2 View Post
    Yep. But either way, OP is going to have to find a way to support himself. No judge that I know of will force Dad to support his adult son. Not even to provide care for his ex.
    And I wouldn't want him to do so. I'm just concerned about her.

    Quote Originally Posted by PQN View Post
    Alimony is one source of income (and rather likely after a 32 year marriage).

    Also, have her re-apply for SSI. Without dad's income, she may qualify if her disability is severe enough and well documented.
    Can she re-apply for SSI while they're still in the process, or does she have to wait until everything is done?

    Quote Originally Posted by LdiJ View Post
    I agree, but I do know that occasionally family members are approved by medicaid/SSDI to be paid as caregivers for disabled relatives.
    I don't think Ohio participates in the program, though.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ohiogal View Post
    So how much does dad earn? Because alimony may NOT happen. How old is dad? What is dad's education level? Do they own or rent the home? Does your father have a pension/retirement account?

    There are many more questions that need answered before it is assured that alimony will happen.

    He earns about $600 a week. He's 52 years old, his education is a GED he received about 10 years after dropping out of school. The home is rented, and no he doesn't have any pension or retirement account.
  9. #9
    Proserpina is offline Senior Member
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    $2400/month gross.

    I'm not convinced Mom would get much alimony at all.

    Dad does need to live, too.
  10. #10
    nextwife is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Avidan View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio

    Since this is about divorce, I put it in this forum, though I am also asking about disability and assistance. If this is in the wrong forum I apologize.

    See, the problem is that after 32 years of marriage, my parents are getting divorced. My mother, who is 55, is disabled but could not get disability because of my father's income. I am her 31 year old and eldest son, and am unemployed due to layoff (past the extent of unemployment compensation), but for the past number of years, I have also taken care of my mother full time. She requires medical supplies and medications that she gets on my father's insurance. When they divorce, she will most likely lose insurance benefits and income.

    Without any income, benefits, work, or even a house, as they rent, is there any way to get help for my mother and I, as I will still be caring for her? I don't want either of us to end up in the street, but I don't know what to do to keep that from happening.

    She applied for social security disability also? Did she accrue no work credits under her own SS number?

    As a long term plan, you my want to look into what other care options for mom might be available. What about YOUR health insurance, your retirement savings needs, your need to accrue social security credits? What becomes of you when you need med care or can't work some day?
  11. #11
    Avidan is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Proserpina View Post
    $2400/month gross.

    I'm not convinced Mom would get much alimony at all.

    Dad does need to live, too.
    True, which puts us all in the bind for the moment.

    Quote Originally Posted by nextwife View Post
    She applied for social security disability also? Did she accrue no work credits under her own SS number?

    As a long term plan, you my want to look into what other care options for mom might be available. What about YOUR health insurance, your retirement savings needs, your need to accrue social security credits? What becomes of you when you need med care or can't work some day?
    She had a job as a Day Care teacher for about 4 years, but was a homemaker the rest of the time. The disease that eventually disabled her did so around the time she turned 35, so she wasn't able to accrue enough work credits.

    As for myself, I've had those concerns, but have pushed them to the back of my mind. Once I know she's okay, then I'll work on myself.
  12. #12
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Avidan View Post
    True, which puts us all in the bind for the moment.



    She had a job as a Day Care teacher for about 4 years, but was a homemaker the rest of the time. The disease that eventually disabled her did so around the time she turned 35, so she wasn't able to accrue enough work credits.

    As for myself, I've had those concerns, but have pushed them to the back of my mind. Once I know she's okay, then I'll work on myself.
    The only way you can help your mom is if you get yourself situated. Based on those numbers, I see your mother not getting ANY alimony though a court may grant her $500 or less a month for a limited time.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.

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