Divorcing Pro Se (attempting to at least...)

[morecowbell]

What is the name of your state? Massachusetts

My wife of 14 years has decided that the grass is greener elsewhere. We have a six year old child and a home with very little equity (about $10k). We are attempting to take care of our divorce amicably without getting lawyers involved. Basically we have agreed to the following:

1. Joint custody of our daughter, with me having her every other weekend and two nights each week.
2. She will stay in the house for now and pay all costs related to the house, including the two mortgages, utilities, condo fees, and normal upkeep. I will pay the rent on my new place, and assist her with any major repairs that come up while she is still in the house. If and when we agree to sell the house, any proceeds will be split 50/50.
3. I will pay her $1000/month for child support
4. We will each pay our own car payments, and split payment of things like our daughter's before/after school care
5. I will continue to provide health insurance for my soon-to-be-ex and my daughter.

My questions would be:

a) does all of this seem reasonable and fair? A couple of friends have told me that they think that $1000/month is excessive for a single six year old child, but given that my wife is paying the mortgage and all that I want to be sure they are adequately covered. Am I overpaying?
b) How do I protect my interest in the house, and the agreement to split proceeds from a sale 50/50? Do I need to get her to sign something in writing before I move out? We are not planning to file right away, but I want to be sure I'm protected prior to the divorce becoming final just in case she tries anything.
c) What else should be in writing for the term after we separate, but before we file the divorce papers?

Thanks

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by morecowbell

What is the name of your state? Massachusetts

My wife of 14 years has decided that the grass is greener elsewhere. We have a six year old child and a home with very little equity (about $10k). We are attempting to take care of our divorce amicably without getting lawyers involved. Basically we have agreed to the following:

1. Joint custody of our daughter, with me having her every other weekend and two nights each week.
2. She will stay in the house for now and pay all costs related to the house, including the two mortgages, utilities, condo fees, and normal upkeep. I will pay the rent on my new place, and assist her with any major repairs that come up while she is still in the house. If and when we agree to sell the house, any proceeds will be split 50/50.
3. I will pay her $1000/month for child support
4. We will each pay our own car payments, and split payment of things like our daughter's before/after school care
5. I will continue to provide health insurance for my soon-to-be-ex and my daughter.

My questions would be:

a) does all of this seem reasonable and fair? A couple of friends have told me that they think that $1000/month is excessive for a single six year old child, but given that my wife is paying the mortgage and all that I want to be sure they are adequately covered. Am I overpaying?
b) How do I protect my interest in the house, and the agreement to split proceeds from a sale 50/50? Do I need to get her to sign something in writing before I move out? We are not planning to file right away, but I want to be sure I'm protected prior to the divorce becoming final just in case she tries anything.
c) What else should be in writing for the term after we separate, but before we file the divorce papers?

Thanks

Whether or not the child support is fair depends totally on your respective incomes. Do a google search for a child support calculator for your state and run the numbers.

The house issue on the other hand is iffier. Generally, if one spouse keeps the home and is fully responsible for the mortgages and ordinary maintenance, then the other spouse's share of the equity/appreciation in the home is frozen at the level its at when the separation occurs. However, many people agree to do things many different ways.

Generally though its safer to have an attorney draw up your separation agreement if you want to be certain that its enforceable. Any provisions regarding the child or child support are not enforceable without a judge's signature.

[lkbb]

I'd also be cautious about this part: "split payment of things like our daughter's before/after school care."

If you're paying $1000 a month and then half the daycare, you have to draw the line somewhere. "Things like" is pretty broad. When a custodial parent gets child support, he/she is expected to pay for certain things... what "other things" are you planning to split? It can seem amicable at first and then turn ugly ... I'd want to spell it out a bit more clearly in the beginning so that there is no ambiguity.

[morecowbell]

Originally Posted by lkbb

I'd also be cautious about this part: "split payment of things like our daughter's before/after school care."

If you're paying $1000 a month and then half the daycare, you have to draw the line somewhere. "Things like" is pretty broad. When a custodial parent gets child support, he/she is expected to pay for certain things... what "other things" are you planning to split? It can seem amicable at first and then turn ugly ... I'd want to spell it out a bit more clearly in the beginning so that there is no ambiguity.

Sorry for the lack of precision in my post. As far as our financial agreement goes, we have spelled out very specifically who is to pay for what. My real question is how do I document all this in a legally binding document? Is a separation agreement something we can draft ourselves? Are there forms somewhere for that? I've found lots of divorce sites that can do the divorce paperwork, but no luck yet on the separation agreement. If anyone has a link to a site that could help with this that would be much appreciated.

Thanks

[Content]

Originally Posted by morecowbell

What is the name of your state? Massachusetts

My wife of 14 years has decided that the grass is greener elsewhere. We have a six year old child and a home with very little equity (about $10k). We are attempting to take care of our divorce amicably without getting lawyers involved. Basically we have agreed to the following:

1. Joint custody of our daughter, with me having her every other weekend and two nights each week.
2. She will stay in the house for now and pay all costs related to the house, including the two mortgages, utilities, condo fees, and normal upkeep. I will pay the rent on my new place, and assist her with any major repairs that come up while she is still in the house. If and when we agree to sell the house, any proceeds will be split 50/50.
3. I will pay her $1000/month for child support
4. We will each pay our own car payments, and split payment of things like our daughter's before/after school care
5. I will continue to provide health insurance for my soon-to-be-ex and my daughter.

My questions would be:

a) does all of this seem reasonable and fair? A couple of friends have told me that they think that $1000/month is excessive for a single six year old child, but given that my wife is paying the mortgage and all that I want to be sure they are adequately covered. Am I overpaying?
b) How do I protect my interest in the house, and the agreement to split proceeds from a sale 50/50? Do I need to get her to sign something in writing before I move out? We are not planning to file right away, but I want to be sure I'm protected prior to the divorce becoming final just in case she tries anything.
c) What else should be in writing for the term after we separate, but before we file the divorce papers?

Thanks

The cs issue will best be determined by finding a calculator for your state and plugging the correct numbers in. But by you saying 1,000 a month I am guessing that you have a REALLY good job, right? Because otherwise that's definitely overpaying. Keep in mind cs is to cover the child's expenses, not your ex's. Alimony would cover your ex. Also you need to be careful about how you handle the house, and what you define as major expenses, would a major expense count as your ex decides to remodel the kitchen? That kind of stuff needs to be addressed to keep from coming up later.

[Content]

Also check with your insurance company, they may not allow you to continue to provide coverage for your ex. Your daughter would still be covered, but they may say no to your ex.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by Content

Also check with your insurance company, they may not allow you to continue to provide coverage for your ex. Your daughter would still be covered, but they may say no to your ex.

He is talking "separation" vs immediately filing for divorce. He is actually obligated in most states to continue her insurance until a divorce is final.

[morecowbell]

Originally Posted by LdiJ

He is talking "separation" vs immediately filing for divorce. He is actually obligated in most states to continue her insurance until a divorce is final.

LdiJ is correct. I spoke to my HR dept and they said that I can keep her on my health insurance until the divorce is final. Then they would offer her COBRA coverage if she wants it, but she can no longer stay on my coverage because she would no longer be considered an "eligible dependent".

[pursaa]

If you word it that if and when we decide to sell the house, we will split 50/50. What will happen if she never decides to sell the house? You would loose all right to it. You might want to consult an attorney, but be careful there are a lot of bad attorneys

[giggle50]

You need to at least speak with a divorce lawyer, most offer free consults.

A [URL=http://www.directlex.com/catalog/divorce-separation-agreement-c-21_22.html]separation agreement[/URL] [URL=http://divorce.legalhelponline.org/category/separation-agreements/]can make everything easier[/URL] if you and your wife truly agree on everything. The attorney is the only one who can give you the adivce you need.

[mukiman]

Did you cover the issue of unreimbursed medical/dental expenses?
My ex tried to screw me on this deal.
Truthfully, it's always better to at least consult with a lawyer, even if you do not end up needing one.
Better safe then sorry.
Regards, Muki