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11-02-2009, 12:21 PM
| | Junior Member | | Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 16
| | | Divorcing a wife with an illness
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CT
State = CT
About 6 months ago found out my wife was having an affair with an old high school friend. She kept doing it in front of my face (lying over and over) for till Sept when I told her I was filing for divorce. It seems either the other man ran for the hills, or she wasn't ready for divorce. Since then she hasn't been very remorseful and treats me like a roommate. To my mind she has either already checked out of our marriage or going through a huge mid-life crisis.
I began started pushing for divorce again a couple of weeks ago as it is clear her heart isn't in it anymore. But then last week they found a lump in her breast and she is in need of surgery (she's put off) to remove an ovarian cyst. To make matters worse although she has stopped seeing the old flame it appears she has befriended a 20 yr old boy (she doesn't know I know) in the neighborhood now. She clearly has low-self esteem and has a constant need to see herself through someone else's eyes. No way I will to wait to see where this one goes. My 13/14 year old sons know about the first affair and I will damned if they are going to get to witness this one.
I wanted to be there for her in medical struggles but I have reach a breaking point. No matter how bad a husband I have been no one deserves to be treated like this.
So my legal question is what do I do if my wife is really sick? I really want to start divorce proceedings again, but (of course) I feel I need to honor our marriage. What are the legal ramifications of divorcing someone (I pray not) with a ongoing possibly life-threatening illness? |
11-02-2009, 12:36 PM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 21,746
| | | There is nothing illegal about divorcing a sick (even terminal) person.
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11-02-2009, 12:43 PM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 41,459
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by LiteWait  What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CT
State = CT
About 6 months ago found out my wife was having an affair with an old high school friend. She kept doing it in front of my face (lying over and over) for till Sept when I told her I was filing for divorce. It seems either the other man ran for the hills, or she wasn't ready for divorce. Since then she hasn't been very remorseful and treats me like a roommate. To my mind she has either already checked out of our marriage or going through a huge mid-life crisis.
I began started pushing for divorce again a couple of weeks ago as it is clear her heart isn't in it anymore. But then last week they found a lump in her breast and she is in need of surgery (she's put off) to remove an ovarian cyst. To make matters worse although she has stopped seeing the old flame it appears she has befriended a 20 yr old boy (she doesn't know I know) in the neighborhood now. She clearly has low-self esteem and has a constant need to see herself through someone else's eyes. No way I will to wait to see where this one goes. My 13/14 year old sons know about the first affair and I will damned if they are going to get to witness this one.
I wanted to be there for her in medical struggles but I have reach a breaking point. No matter how bad a husband I have been no one deserves to be treated like this.
So my legal question is what do I do if my wife is really sick? I really want to start divorce proceedings again, but (of course) I feel I need to honor our marriage. What are the legal ramifications of divorcing someone (I pray not) with a ongoing possibly life-threatening illness? | If you are providing the medical insurance then its critical that you do not start divorce proceedings until her medical issues are resolved. In fact, a judge might even put your divorce on the back burner until her medical issues are resolved so that her coverage will continue until they are resolved.
However, you could separate either officially or unofficially without risking her health insurance.
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11-02-2009, 02:29 PM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 3,991
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by LdiJ If you are providing the medical insurance then its critical that you do not start divorce proceedings until her medical issues are resolved. In fact, a judge might even put your divorce on the back burner until her medical issues are resolved so that her coverage will continue until they are resolved.
However, you could separate either officially or unofficially without risking her health insurance. | I don't think the medical issues will make it impossible to divorce. However, it is imperative that you do NOT cancel medical insurance on your stbx. |
11-02-2009, 03:29 PM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Ohio
Posts: 31,825
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by LdiJ If you are providing the medical insurance then its critical that you do not start divorce proceedings until her medical issues are resolved. In fact, a judge might even put your divorce on the back burner until her medical issues are resolved so that her coverage will continue until they are resolved.
However, you could separate either officially or unofficially without risking her health insurance. | That is incorrect. OP can divorce his wife even if she is dying of cancer. The court will NOT force them to remain married NOR will it force him to provide her with insurance. A judge can only order that he keep his wife insured during the PENDENCY of the divorce. Oh and by the way -- there are time limits imposed by the Supreme Court of each state in how long a divorce can take. If divorces take longer than that, the judges in those areas are in trouble.
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11-02-2009, 05:21 PM
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Originally Posted by Ohiogal That is incorrect. OP can divorce his wife even if she is dying of cancer. The court will NOT force them to remain married NOR will it force him to provide her with insurance. A judge can only order that he keep his wife insured during the PENDENCY of the divorce. Oh and by the way -- there are time limits imposed by the Supreme Court of each state in how long a divorce can take. If divorces take longer than that, the judges in those areas are in trouble. | Well, then the judge in my friend's case (not on the internet, in the real world) erred when he continued the divorce until after the wife's medical issues (surgeries) were completed.
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11-02-2009, 05:27 PM
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Originally Posted by LdiJ Well, then the judge in my friend's case (not on the internet, in the real world) erred when he continued the divorce until after the wife's medical issues (surgeries) were completed. | Sounds like an entirely different situation.
I'm willing to bet that in your friend's case, it was a fairly well defined time period rather than just an open-ended "no divorce until you're better or die". |
11-02-2009, 05:45 PM
| | Junior Member | | Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 8
| | | Hi,
Yeah no problem in divorcing the lady with the old age.But first clear all the medical and other issues before divorce so that no problem in future.
You could separate either officially or unofficially without risking her health insurance.
Thanks. |
11-02-2009, 05:49 PM
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Posts: 41,459
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Originally Posted by mistoffolees Sounds like an entirely different situation.
I'm willing to bet that in your friend's case, it was a fairly well defined time period rather than just an open-ended "no divorce until you're better or die". | Oh, then I have been misunderstood. He said that she had an ovarian cyst that needed to be removed and a lump in her breast that needed to be removed. The cyst is a surgery and the lump may very well be nothing more than a surgery as well.
Even if she has breast cancer it is normally resolved fairly quickly. I wasn't contemplating that he would have to stay married indefinitely...I was thinking more along the lines of being separated for a year or so before actually getting divorced.
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11-02-2009, 05:56 PM
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Originally Posted by LdiJ Oh, then I have been misunderstood. He said that she had an ovarian cyst that needed to be removed and a lump in her breast that needed to be removed. The cyst is a surgery and the lump may very well be nothing more than a surgery as well.
Even if she has breast cancer it is normally resolved fairly quickly. . | Breast cancer is not considered 'cured' for at least 5 years. Even then, the risk of recurrence is quite high. I don't think it's reasonable for him to wait 5 years to even file for divorce (you suggested not even filing until the health issues were resolved). |
11-02-2009, 06:47 PM
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Originally Posted by mistoffolees Breast cancer is not considered 'cured' for at least 5 years. Even then, the risk of recurrence is quite high. I don't think it's reasonable for him to wait 5 years to even file for divorce (you suggested not even filing until the health issues were resolved). | One of the rare instances where I disagree with you misty....
Surgery is considered curative for more than a few types and stages of breast cancer; many physicians will consider the patient "cured" well before the five-year survival point (though this does depend hugely on histology, hormone receptor status and the rest of it).
(as an example, surgical removal of a low-grade in-situ tumor is considered curative; the chance of recurrence is very, very low).
It might seem a semantic point and if it is, I'm sorry - but I do feel the statement was inaccurate.
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11-02-2009, 07:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Dogmatique One of the rare instances where I disagree with you misty....
Surgery is considered curative for more than a few types and stages of breast cancer; many physicians will consider the patient "cured" well before the five-year survival point (though this does depend hugely on histology, hormone receptor status and the rest of it).
(as an example, surgical removal of a low-grade in-situ tumor is considered curative; the chance of recurrence is very, very low).
It might seem a semantic point and if it is, I'm sorry - but I do feel the statement was inaccurate. | My aunt was a breast cancer survivor. She elected to have a full masectomy and it was less than six months from diagnosis to full recovery including reconstructive surgery. My cousin is a breast cancer survivor and she had a lumpectomy and it was less than six months from diagnosis to completed treatment. My other aunt also had breast cancer, but it was discovered too late and she died in less than a year from diagnosis. Therefore my experience with breast cancer is that either a cure, or the worst, happens fairly quickly.
Yes, both my aunt and my cousin who recovered had to be seen by a doctor every six months, for quite a few years, but I was in no way suggesting that the OP had to stay married beyond the initial "cure".
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11-02-2009, 07:19 PM
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Originally Posted by Dogmatique One of the rare instances where I disagree with you misty....
Surgery is considered curative for more than a few types and stages of breast cancer; many physicians will consider the patient "cured" well before the five-year survival point (though this does depend hugely on histology, hormone receptor status and the rest of it).
(as an example, surgical removal of a low-grade in-situ tumor is considered curative; the chance of recurrence is very, very low).
It might seem a semantic point and if it is, I'm sorry - but I do feel the statement was inaccurate. | Well, you can say that retroactively - after you've had the surgery, competed the biopsy and so on. But since they haven't done any of that, they don't have any idea of what type of breast cancer it is, so it COULD easily last for years - which means that insisting that he wait until the medical problem is resolved before even filing for divorce COULD mean a multi-year wait. |
11-02-2009, 07:25 PM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Weigh a pie...
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Originally Posted by mistoffolees Well, you can say that retroactively - after you've had the surgery, competed the biopsy and so on. But since they haven't done any of that, they don't have any idea of what type of breast cancer it is, so it COULD easily last for years - which means that insisting that he wait until the medical problem is resolved before even filing for divorce COULD mean a multi-year wait. | That's very true, yes.
(Have they even had a cancer diagnosis yet? A lump is not always cancer)
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When you can't bear something but it goes on anyway, the person who survives isn't you anymore; you've changed and become someone else, a new person, the one who did bear it after all.
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Quote: | Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo | |
11-02-2009, 07:27 PM
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Originally Posted by LdiJ My aunt was a breast cancer survivor. She elected to have a full masectomy and it was less than six months from diagnosis to full recovery including reconstructive surgery. My cousin is a breast cancer survivor and she had a lumpectomy and it was less than six months from diagnosis to completed treatment. My other aunt also had breast cancer, but it was discovered too late and she died in less than a year from diagnosis. Therefore my experience with breast cancer is that either a cure, or the worst, happens fairly quickly.
Yes, both my aunt and my cousin who recovered had to be seen by a doctor every six months, for quite a few years, but I was in no way suggesting that the OP had to stay married beyond the initial "cure". | Yup, I know that's not what you were saying.
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When you can't bear something but it goes on anyway, the person who survives isn't you anymore; you've changed and become someone else, a new person, the one who did bear it after all.
— Austin Grossman
Quote: | Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo | | |
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