Does she HAVE to get a lawyer?

[yy4u2rel82]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Missouri

I have a girlfriend that was married for 8 years, left her husband, filed for divorce and was living on her own when we met. Several months later, she ended up pregnant. But, he would never acknowledge the papers and grant her a divorce.
Now.. he's pissed and trying his best to make life hard. We just had the baby and he went out, hired a lawyer and is demanding more than his fair share... stuff he's never even used.. but he knew she liked. Still, she said she doesn't care.. and was willing to give him whatever to just be free. But then, her lawyer sent her another letter saying she was expected to pay all his attorney fees. This guy has a lot of money and can afford whatever. She's barely able to make ends meet and feed her baby.
Since she can't afford an attorney, is she pretty much just screwed and will end up paying whatever his lawyer wants? Does she have any options?
Thanks all!

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Missouri

I have a girlfriend that was married for 8 years, left her husband, filed for divorce and was living on her own when we met. Several months later, she ended up pregnant. But, he would never acknowledge the papers and grant her a divorce.
Now.. he's pissed and trying his best to make life hard. We just had the baby and he went out, hired a lawyer and is demanding more than his fair share... stuff he's never even used.. but he knew she liked. Still, she said she doesn't care.. and was willing to give him whatever to just be free. But then, her lawyer sent her another letter saying she was expected to pay all his attorney fees. This guy has a lot of money and can afford whatever. She's barely able to make ends meet and feed her baby.
Since she can't afford an attorney, is she pretty much just screwed and will end up paying whatever his lawyer wants? Does she have any options?
Thanks all!

You have a bigger issue. Her husband is the LEGAL FATHER of the child. Her husband is legally responsible for supporting the child financially. She needs to take steps to make sure that that is taken care of. She needs an attorney. And when you say HER baby -- is the husband the actual father? Or are you daddy? And if you are daddy, you need to file as part of the divorce to disestablish legal father's paternity. You also need to start financially supporting the child so that he can be fed.

She did not create this baby in a vacuum and it is NOT just HER baby. Some man out there needs to step up and fulfill his legal responsibilities to this child.

 

[yy4u2rel82]

Does she HAVE to have a lawyer?

Whoa.. easy there Mr.(Mrs?) Assumption.

I am the father. She was completely separated and living in a different state than him when this happened. Nobody said the child was created in a vacuum and nobody said I wasn't supporting the baby. I intend on being the greatest Dad in the world. I've barely left the ICU since the baby was born and I've been helping Momma out in every way.. financially and any other way. I'm not quite sure why you chose to assume differently? Bad experience in your life maybe? I will always go above and beyond for my child and her.. so relaaaaaax.

Now that I've hopefully put your mind at ease, can we focus on the issue.. and the reason this forum exists? And.. there's not a paternity issue. He is well aware that he wasn't living in the same state and that there's no way he could be the Father.

Anybody else have advice on the actual question asked?
Thanks all!

 

[Ohiogal]

Whoa.. easy there Mr.(Mrs?) Assumption.

That is LAWYER, Counselor or Esquire to you.

I am the father.

NOT legally. Legally since she is married her HUSBAND is the father.

She was completely separated and living in a different state than him when this happened.

So? He is still legally daddy until paternity is established and the court finds otherwise.

Nobody said the child was created in a vacuum and nobody said I wasn't supporting the baby. I intend on being the greatest Dad in the world. I've barely left the ICU since the baby was born and I've been helping Momma out in every way.. financially and any other way. I'm not quite sure why you chose to assume differently?

Maybe because of the following statement:

She's barely able to make ends meet and feed her baby.

If she cannot make ends meet that is her problem. You referred to the child as "her baby" and made it sound like the responsibility is hers to feed the child by herself. So try being more succinct in your statements.

Bad experience in your life maybe?

Nope.

I will always go above and beyond for my child and her.. so relaaaaaax.

First, establish that the child is yours. And I don't need to relax. I am very relaxed actually.

Now that I've hopefully put your mind at ease, can we focus on the issue.. and the reason this forum exists? And.. there's not a paternity issue. He is well aware that he wasn't living in the same state and that there's no way he could be the Father.

You are SLOW at this. There IS a paternity issue due to the fact that THEY are STILL married and the law controls -- a child born during the marriage is legally presumed to be the child of the marriage. And the legal presumption EXISTS and until it is successfully LEGALLY rebutted he is daddy. Hence paternity needs to be dealt with with hubby disestablishing paternity and YOU establishing paternity.

Anybody else have advice on the actual question asked?
Thanks all!

You don't like my answer? Oh well. She needs an attorney.

 

[mistoffolees]

Whoa.. easy there Mr.(Mrs?) Assumption.

I am the father. She was completely separated and living in a different state than him when this happened. Nobody said the child was created in a vacuum and nobody said I wasn't supporting the baby. I intend on being the greatest Dad in the world. I've barely left the ICU since the baby was born and I've been helping Momma out in every way.. financially and any other way. I'm not quite sure why you chose to assume differently? Bad experience in your life maybe? I will always go above and beyond for my child and her.. so relaaaaaax.

Now that I've hopefully put your mind at ease, can we focus on the issue.. and the reason this forum exists? And.. there's not a paternity issue. He is well aware that he wasn't living in the same state and that there's no way he could be the Father.

Anybody else have advice on the actual question asked?
Thanks all!

I think your answer was hidden in there. She'd be crazy not to get an attorney - ideally he sooner the better. In addition, since the child is yours, you may need to have an attorney to protect your rights, as well (probably not the same one as she is using, but I'm not sure about that).

 

[yy4u2rel82]

LOL.. OK.. how about this.. anyone else have actual good advice? Nothing personal Ohiogal, but I've read your advice in other posts. You seem more intent on impressing people with your knowledge than helping. You're the grandmaster of making assumptions, and I could point out several you made yet again, but you're a big boy/girl... reread it and you'll see that you did it again.
If you feel she needs a lawyer, I do like your answer. That's what I asked.. not your advice on rearing children and your misinformed snap judgments about my child being born in a vacuum.

mistoffolees - Thank you! I very much appreciate your advice! I kind of figured as much.. but thought I'd throw it out there!

 

[Ohiogal]

Whatever. I was not giving you parenting advice nor telling you how to parent. You really need to read and understand. Comprehension is NOT your strong suit apparently. I was very specific regarding what the law states regarding the baby. This child is NOT LEGALLY your child.

 

[Zephyr]

LOL.. OK.. how about this.. anyone else have actual good advice? Nothing personal Ohiogal, but I've read your advice in other posts. You seem more intent on impressing people with your knowledge than helping. You're the grandmaster of making assumptions, and I could point out several you made yet again, but you're a big boy/girl... reread it and you'll see that you did it again.
If you feel she needs a lawyer, I do like your answer. That's what I asked.. not your advice on rearing children and your misinformed snap judgments about my child being born in a vacuum.

mistoffolees - Thank you! I very much appreciate your advice! I kind of figured as much.. but thought I'd throw it out there!

The point OG was making is- you know you are the child's father, your girlfriend knows you are the child's father, but the law states that because the child was born during a marriage (regardless of where anyone lives) the husband is the legal father. That is the single biggest reason why your girlfriend needs an attorney, and a great reason why you should maybe help her get one- to ensure your legal position in the child's life.....right now the husband has standing to sue for custody of YOUR child

 

[Zigner]

The point OG was making is- you know you are the child's father, your girlfriend knows you are the child's father, but the law states that because the child was born during a marriage (regardless of where anyone lives) the husband is the legal father. That is the single biggest reason why your girlfriend needs an attorney, and a great reason why you should maybe help her get one- to ensure your legal position in the child's life.....right now the husband has standing to sue for custody of YOUR child

One small correction:

"...right now the husband has standing to sue for custody of HIS child!"

 

[Zephyr]

One small correction:

"...right now the husband has standing to sue for custody of HIS child!"

I was trying to make it easy to understand...had I said that- the vacuum conversation may have started all over again

 

[yy4u2rel82]

Whatever. I was not giving you parenting advice nor telling you how to parent. You really need to read and understand. Comprehension is NOT your strong suit apparently. I was very specific regarding what the law states regarding the baby. This child is NOT LEGALLY your child.

LOL.. sorry.. not interested in arguing with you. Even your snide little quips don't make me want to.

 

[yy4u2rel82]

The point OG was making is- you know you are the child's father, your girlfriend knows you are the child's father, but the law states that because the child was born during a marriage (regardless of where anyone lives) the husband is the legal father. That is the single biggest reason why your girlfriend needs an attorney, and a great reason why you should maybe help her get one- to ensure your legal position in the child's life.....right now the husband has standing to sue for custody of YOUR child

Fair enough.. guess I'll be dialing some numbers today. Thanks, Zephyr!

 

[Silverplum]

I was trying to make it easy to understand...had I said that- the vacuum conversation may have started all over again

He's spectacularly unteachable!!

 

[stranton]

He's spectacularly unteachable!!

Seems to me like he got the point and even thanked 2 people for it. Why the insults?

 

[Silverplum]

Seems to me like he got the point and even thanked 2 people for it. Why the insults?

Hello, OP!

Same song, second verse?