dont know what to do

[confused&sad]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? florida
I have been married to the same man for almost 10yrs now and we have three kids. We are both in our late 20's and he told me that he is no longer happy with our marriage. I can understand because I am no longer happy with the way things are going. We live in Florida now and I want to know at this point if he and I do decide to get a divorce if He can stop me from leaving the state with the kids. He told me that he isnt going to fight me with custody because he wouldnt be able to take care of them properly due to the hours that he works. I am a stay at home mom and have been most of the marraige. All of my family doesnt live here and I really need to know if I can take the kids or can he file papers with the courts/law enforcment saying that I kidnapped them or to try and stop me with an injuction? please someone help!!!

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? florida
I have been married to the same man for almost 10yrs now and we have three kids. We are both in our late 20's and he told me that he is no longer happy with our marriage. I can understand because I am no longer happy with the way things are going. We live in Florida now and I want to know at this point if he and I do decide to get a divorce if He can stop me from leaving the state with the kids. He told me that he isnt going to fight me with custody because he wouldnt be able to take care of them properly due to the hours that he works. I am a stay at home mom and have been most of the marraige. All of my family doesnt live here and I really need to know if I can take the kids or can he file papers with the courts/law enforcment saying that I kidnapped them or to try and stop me with an injuction? please someone help!!!

Well, he can't get you for kidnapping the kids, but he could very possibly stop you from relocating them out of state. You don't need his permission to go (because you both have equal rights) but you would either need his permission or the permission of the courts to KEEP them out of state. However, if he admits that he doesn't want custody, a judge might very well give you that permission, even if he chose to fight you.

If he agrees, get it in writing.

 

[mistoffolees]

Well, he can't get you for kidnapping the kids, but he could very possibly stop you from relocating them out of state. You don't need his permission to go (because you both have equal rights) but you would either need his permission or the permission of the courts to KEEP them out of state. However, if he admits that he doesn't want custody, a judge might very well give you that permission, even if he chose to fight you.

If he agrees, get it in writing.

Getting it in writing is not sufficient. He is free to change his mind at any time (although if he states in writing that he can not care for the kids, it would help a lot). As I understand it, custody agreements between the parties are not binding until signed by the court.

Best bet is to sit tight until you have a court order allowing you to move the kids out of state.

 

[LdiJ]

Getting it in writing is not sufficient. He is free to change his mind at any time (although if he states in writing that he can not care for the kids, it would help a lot). As I understand it, custody agreements between the parties are not binding until signed by the court.

Best bet is to sit tight until you have a court order allowing you to move the kids out of state.

I am going to disagree. I have yet to see a case where someone gave written permission to relocate the children, and then changed their mind and tried to force the other parent to return the children to the home state, and were successful in doing so.

I could perhaps see it being possible if they change their mind before the move takes place.

 

[mistoffolees]

I am going to disagree. I have yet to see a case where someone gave written permission to relocate the children, and then changed their mind and tried to force the other parent to return the children to the home state, and were successful in doing so.

I could perhaps see it being possible if they change their mind before the move takes place.

I'm simply reporting what my attorney told me. Until the court order is final, everything that the parties agree to is subject to change.

She told me specifically that my ex's written agreement to joint custody was not binding and she could change her mind later (and she did. In spite of an agreement between us and signed by us and both attorneys, she changed her mind and filed for sole custody). In the end, we reached an agreement, but if we hadn't, her request for sole custody would have been heard by the court and her written agreement on custody would not have been considered binding.

 

[LdiJ]

I'm simply reporting what my attorney told me. Until the court order is final, everything that the parties agree to is subject to change.

She told me specifically that my ex's written agreement to joint custody was not binding and she could change her mind later (and she did. In spite of an agreement between us and signed by us and both attorneys, she changed her mind and filed for sole custody). In the end, we reached an agreement, but if we hadn't, her request for sole custody would have been heard by the court and her written agreement on custody would not have been considered binding.

Ok...I see where you are coming from and I agree that "custody" is not binding until the judge signs off on it. However, this is not the scenario that you are describing.

Yes, dad could change his mind about wanting custody. However, if he has already given permission for mom to relocate with the kids, then his odds of winning custody, would not be strong. Its a fundamental issue with "justice". Dad gives permission, mom gives up her home and incurrs the cost of moving, gets a new job, gets established in the new location with the kids, and then dad tries to rip the rug out from under her by trying to rescind his permission? Not gonna fly.

 

[mistoffolees]

Ok...I see where you are coming from and I agree that "custody" is not binding until the judge signs off on it. However, this is not the scenario that you are describing.

Yes, dad could change his mind about wanting custody. However, if he has already given permission for mom to relocate with the kids, then his odds of winning custody, would not be strong. Its a fundamental issue with "justice". Dad gives permission, mom gives up her home and incurrs the cost of moving, gets a new job, gets established in the new location with the kids, and then dad tries to rip the rug out from under her by trying to rescind his permission? Not gonna fly.

Maybe, maybe not. In my case, I had already moved out of the house and rented a place of my own, had my daughter every other week, and my ex was still able to file for custody. Not quite as dramatic, but the same principles apply.

In this specific instance, he could send a letter at any time (yes, his best chance would be if he did it before she physically moved, but she could have put a lot of time and energy into planning) saying that he changed his mind and then petition the court to block the kids from moving.

I would talk with a local attorney before doing anything. There's too much at stake.

Not to mention, of course, the fact that making that kind of change on the spur of the moment isn't going to be good for anyone - particularly the kids.

 

[confused&sad]

thank you for posting. I tired talking to a lawyer about this but each one that i have spoken too refused to give me any information after they asked how much money i have, whitch is zero. I have been a stay at home mom for most of my marriage. So each lawyer that i talked too wouldn't give me the time of day. Right now Im not sure what im going to do. but thanks again. I will try to get him to put it in writting with me. He hasn't been home in a few days though so I dont know when that will take place.

 

[LdiJ]

thank you for posting. I tired talking to a lawyer about this but each one that i have spoken too refused to give me any information after they asked how much money i have, whitch is zero. I have been a stay at home mom for most of my marriage. So each lawyer that i talked too wouldn't give me the time of day. Right now Im not sure what im going to do. but thanks again. I will try to get him to put it in writting with me. He hasn't been home in a few days though so I dont know when that will take place.

Do you have any family who could lend you the money for a retainer? Do you and your husband own a home with equity, or have any other marital assets that are subject to division? (401ks or other retirement accounts, that accrued during the marriage are subject to division). If there are assets in excess of martial debt, you will end up with some cash once everything is settled, and you would be in a position to repay anyone who loaned you money.

 

[confused&sad]

Do you have any family who could lend you the money for a retainer? Do you and your husband own a home with equity, or have any other marital assets that are subject to division? (401ks or other retirement accounts, that accrued during the marriage are subject to division). If there are assets in excess of martial debt, you will end up with some cash once everything is settled, and you would be in a position to repay anyone who loaned you money.

We have no assets. He has a checking account that my name is not on and a used jeep. we rent our appartment. And he has an IRA but our second child's is the befecator. So no assets just debt like hospital bills. no credit cards either. None of my family has extra money to lend at this time. I called legal aid but they cant help unless its a demestic violence case with a restarining order/no contact order or if I get served with papers.

 

[penelope10]

Try calling the State Bar. You may be able to find an attorney willing to take your case on a reduced fee, etc., through them. Not saying you'll be able to, but at least it's a place to start since legal aid is not an option for you.

 

[LdiJ]

We have no assets. He has a checking account that my name is not on and a used jeep. we rent our appartment. And he has an IRA but our second child's is the befecator. So no assets just debt like hospital bills. no credit cards either. None of my family has extra money to lend at this time. I called legal aid but they cant help unless its a demestic violence case with a restarining order/no contact order or if I get served with papers.

His IRA is a marital asset, subject to division. It doesn't matter that one of your children is his beneficiary.

You need to apply for state assistance (food stamps, tanif, medicaid, daycare assistance) and start looking for a job.

If you need training, you can also apply for student loans.

 

[penelope10]

His IRA is a marital asset, subject to division. It doesn't matter that one of your children is his beneficiary.

You need to apply for state assistance (food stamps, tanif, medicaid, daycare assistance) and start looking for a job.

If you need training, you can also apply for student loans.

Just wanted to add that in SOME states there are retraining programs for individuals that are of low to moderate income levels. (You will have to qualify according to guidelines) Just another avenue for you to check out if college may not be a viable option at this time. In fact, you could ask a school if they know of such a program. (Many times colleges or community colleges are familiar with these programs and can steer you in the correct direction). In my area, the local community college has a program where you go in for career assessment based on skill and interest. It is a free service provided for individuals that live in the same county.