Dont know what to do

[sjvetteguy]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ
Hello everyone, any help that you can give me would really help. Here is the story.
My wife and I have just seperated 2 months ago(she moved in with her sister).
When we were first married we bought our house, at that time my wife bought the house under her name. We seperated a few years after that, I then purchased the house from her, giving her 9K when I bought the house from her. We got back together 6 months later. We decided to put an addition on our home to allow her parents to move in, they gave us 25k to build a 90K addition, no paperwork was signed.
Here is the tricky part.. We have two mortgages in my name alone, and a third mortgage in just her name. She now says if I want to keep the house, I have to buy her out(we owe way more on the house than its worth) and unitl I "buy" her out, I will have no other woman in this house while her name is on it. Her parents still live here until they can find a place. She is unemployed at this time. Can anyone guide me in the right direction

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ
Hello everyone, any help that you can give me would really help. Here is the story.
My wife and I have just seperated 2 months ago(she moved in with her sister).
When we were first married we bought our house, at that time my wife bought the house under her name. We seperated a few years after that, I then purchased the house from her, giving her 9K when I bought the house from her. We got back together 6 months later. We decided to put an addition on our home to allow her parents to move in, they gave us 25k to build a 90K addition, no paperwork was signed.
Here is the tricky part.. We have two mortgages in my name alone, and a third mortgage in just her name. She now says if I want to keep the house, I have to buy her out(we owe way more on the house than its worth) and unitl I "buy" her out, I will have no other woman in this house while her name is on it. Her parents still live here until they can find a place. She is unemployed at this time. Can anyone guide me in the right direction

You have a serious mess of legal and moral conundrums.

Her parents invested 25k in the home to have a place to live. Morally, they should get that money back if they are unable to live there any longer. That is simply the right thing to do. You don't take money from elderly people on fixed incomes and not give it back in this kind of situation.

If you are going to keep the house, then legally you do have to buy your wife out, which means refinancing the mortgage in her name, into yours. You cannot legally tie up her credit for years, unless she were to agree to allow you to do so. A judge won't force her to allow you to do so.

However, you cannot refinance because you are upside down on the house. She couldn't refinance to buy you out either, for the same reason.

If you keep the house she cannot tell you who you can or cannot have living there with you, however, you would be behaving in an extremely tacky manner to move any other woman into the house while your inlaws are still living there.

Quite frankly, this is totally and completely a no win situation for ANYONE.

My sympathies are completely with your inlaws, because they are getting ripped off for something that is in no way, their fault.

Since its clear from your other thread, that you have a girlfriend...and obviously one that you have had for quite some time, clearly we know whose fault the situation is.

Why don't you do the right thing and let your wife and inlaws have the home, and let your credit be tied up for a few years until the market recovers and it can be refinanced. That is not legal advice, its moral advice.

 

[sjvetteguy]

You have a serious mess of legal and moral conundrums.

Her parents invested 25k in the home to have a place to live. Morally, they should get that money back if they are unable to live there any longer. That is simply the right thing to do. You don't take money from elderly people on fixed incomes and not give it back in this kind of situation.

If you are going to keep the house, then legally you do have to buy your wife out, which means refinancing the mortgage in her name, into yours. You cannot legally tie up her credit for years, unless she were to agree to allow you to do so. A judge won't force her to allow you to do so.

However, you cannot refinance because you are upside down on the house. She couldn't refinance to buy you out either, for the same reason.

If you keep the house she cannot tell you who you can or cannot have living there with you, however, you would be behaving in an extremely tacky manner to move any other woman into the house while your inlaws are still living there.

Quite frankly, this is totally and completely a no win situation for ANYONE.

My sympathies are completely with your inlaws, because they are getting ripped off for something that is in no way, their fault.

Her parents are not being forced to move and we are trying to figure out how to give them money back, I am in no way trying to get over on them, like you... I feel the worst for them in this situation.
I would NEVER even bring somoneback to the house while they are still here, but once the move its a different story.
What does one do when you can not refi and get all mortgages in one name? My wife is entitled to half the house, I was assume that she is also intitled to half of the loss as well, correct?
I have offered her the house, she doesnt want it. I am trying to be fair to all parties involved, my wife, her parent and myself

 

[LdiJ]

Her parents are not being forced to move and we are trying to figure out how to give them money back, I am in no way trying to get over on them, like you... I feel the worst for them in this situation.
I would NEVER even bring somoneback to the house while they are still here, but once the move its a different story.
What does one do when you can not refi and get all mortgages in one name? My wife is entitled to half the house, I was assume that she is also intitled to half of the loss as well, correct?
I have offered her the house, she doesnt want it. I am trying to be fair to all parties involved, my wife, her parent and myself

I am glad that you are trying to find a way to give her parents their money back. I hope that you follow through on that.

However, as far as finding a way to be fair to both your wife and yourself, its quite frankly a no win situation.

Either she has her credit tied up until the market recovers and you refinance the whole amount of the mortgages into your own name (while paying all three of them in the meantime), while she has to live with the indignity of you moving another woman into property she owns.....

Or, you end up with a short sale, which will destroy her credit if she is the one with the mortgage at the bottom of the list, or will destroy your credit if you are the one with the mortgage at the bottom of the list, or will destroy both of your credits.

Its simply a no win situation.

Now, if you could come up with enough cash from another source to both pay off her parents and pay down enough of the mortgages so that a refinance could be done, that might be a solution. Do you have a 401k you could borrow from?

 

[sjvetteguy]

I am glad that you are trying to find a way to give her parents their money back. I hope that you follow through on that.

However, as far as finding a way to be fair to both your wife and yourself, its quite frankly a no win situation.

Either she has her credit tied up until the market recovers and you refinance the whole amount of the mortgages into your own name (while paying all three of them in the meantime), while she has to live with the indignity of you moving another woman into property she owns.....

Or, you end up with a short sale, which will destroy her credit if she is the one with the mortgage at the bottom of the list, or will destroy your credit if you are the one with the mortgage at the bottom of the list, or will destroy both of your credits.

Its simply a no win situation.

Now, if you could come up with enough cash from another source to both pay off her parents and pay down enough of the mortgages so that a refinance could be done, that might be a solution. Do you have a 401k you could borrow from?

I dont have a 401k, I am self employed, bad bad year. Since my wife has been unemployed since Dec we have gone through most of our savings, so there really isnt enough money to buy anything down.
The mortgage that is under her name is in last position, so it would be the last to get paid in a short sale. I will do everything in my power to pay all three mortgages, but I wont be able to buy her out.
I have NO intention of moving anyone into this home, having someone come over is another story, but not moving in.. I dont have a problem with having a woman come over(once inlaws are gone) but I wouldnt move anyone in while my wifes name is on the house(too tacky for me). I just dont want to pay all 3 mortgages and have my wife tell me that she doent want another woman in the house.

 

[mistoffolees]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ
Hello everyone, any help that you can give me would really help. Here is the story.
My wife and I have just seperated 2 months ago(she moved in with her sister).
When we were first married we bought our house, at that time my wife bought the house under her name. We seperated a few years after that, I then purchased the house from her, giving her 9K when I bought the house from her. We got back together 6 months later. We decided to put an addition on our home to allow her parents to move in, they gave us 25k to build a 90K addition, no paperwork was signed.
Here is the tricky part.. We have two mortgages in my name alone, and a third mortgage in just her name. She now says if I want to keep the house, I have to buy her out(we owe way more on the house than its worth) and unitl I "buy" her out, I will have no other woman in this house while her name is on it. Her parents still live here until they can find a place. She is unemployed at this time. Can anyone guide me in the right direction

Actually, the answer is that you don't have to do anything until there's a court order to do so. If she requests it, the court is likely to order you to refinance in your name, but you can probably get a few months (perhaps as long as 6 months to a year) to do so.

Until there's a court order, you don't HAVE to do anything. That means someone has to file for divorce or legal separation. Then, someone has to petition the court for temporary possession of the home. But the court is not likely to order refinancing at that point - probably at the time the divorce is final and permanent possession of the home is awarded. It will probably take at least 6 months before the divorce is finalized, and then you can ask the court for some time after that to refinance. So you probably have 12-18 months (at least) before you have to have it in your name - if you think that's going to give you the ability to do so. If you're not going to be able to do so in 12-18 months, then you should probably put the home up for sale and hope for the best.

The parents are another matter. LEGALLY, you don't owe them anything since the $25 K was a gift. Morally, of course, it's a different matter. You should be trying to pay them back if you keep the home. If you sell the home, then you AND YOUR WIFE should be equally responsible. Of course, there's always the option that the parents might be happy staying there with you (stranger things have happened).

Your wife will NOT be able to get an order that you don't have any other women over. Of course, it's a terrible idea for lots of reasons while the divorce is pending, but once the divorce is final, you are a free man. If there are kids in the home, she could use it as an argument against custody, but even that is no longer a sure thing. It is not uncommon to have an agreement that there will be no overnight guests of the opposite sex when kids are in the home, but it's difficult to get a court to order that if the two of you don't agree to it and it's difficult to enforce in any event.

 

[LdiJ]

I dont have a 401k, I am self employed, bad bad year. Since my wife has been unemployed since Dec we have gone through most of our savings, so there really isnt enough money to buy anything down.
The mortgage that is under her name is in last position, so it would be the last to get paid in a short sale. I will do everything in my power to pay all three mortgages, but I wont be able to buy her out.
I have NO intention of moving anyone into this home, having someone come over is another story, but not moving in.. I dont have a problem with having a woman come over(once inlaws are gone) but I wouldnt move anyone in while my wifes name is on the house(too tacky for me). I just dont want to pay all 3 mortgages and have my wife tell me that she doent want another woman in the house.

Well, she really cannot do that, but I think that if the roles were reversed, you probably would feel the same way she does.

If you keep the house you will HAVE to pay all three mortgages. Its not a matter of trying, you will HAVE to do so.

Could the home be rented out for enough to cover all three mortgages?

 

[sjvetteguy]

Well, she really cannot do that, but I think that if the roles were reversed, you probably would feel the same way she does.

If you keep the house you will HAVE to pay all three mortgages. Its not a matter of trying, you will HAVE to do so.

Could the home be rented out for enough to cover all three mortgages?

The house may be able to be rented, but I dont think we will get that kind of money in these difficult times. The best solution is for me to stay and pay the bills.
She keeps saying that she just wants whats fair, and I agree.. But she cant answer what is fair, or what she wants.
Would it be wise to seek out council?

 

[LdiJ]

The house may be able to be rented, but I dont think we will get that kind of money in these difficult times. The best solution is for me to stay and pay the bills.
She keeps saying that she just wants whats fair, and I agree.. But she cant answer what is fair, or what she wants.
Would it be wise to seek out council?

You can certainly do so, but you really won't be told anything different than we have told you here. Your options are your options, and there are not many of them.

The longer you delay a divorce, the more time there will be for the market to recover before you might be forced to refinance.

 

[mistoffolees]

The house may be able to be rented, but I dont think we will get that kind of money in these difficult times. The best solution is for me to stay and pay the bills.

Is the parent's addition set up as a separate apartment? If they plan to move out, you might be able to rent one part of the house and live in the rest. Or simply take in a roommate if you have extra rooms.

You'll still have to figure out how to get the parents their money back, but that's a moral issue, not a legal one.

She keeps saying that she just wants whats fair, and I agree.. But she cant answer what is fair, or what she wants.

Then I would suggest mediation. She may be unwilling to accept your word on how bleak the situation is but might listen to a mediator. It doesn't even have to be formal mediation - it could be a pastor or someone else you both trust.

Would it be wise to seek out council?

If you're really getting divorced, then I would definitely do so. If you're just wondering what the issues are and what your options are, the advice here covers most of that.

 

[Bali Hai]

You can certainly do so, but you really won't be told anything different than we have told you here. Your options are your options, and there are not many of them.

The longer you delay a divorce, the more time there will be for the market to recover before you might be forced to refinance.

The longer the divorce is delayed the greater the chances that the judge will whack him with alimony.

Now is the time to dump her butt without delay!

 

[LdiJ]

The longer the divorce is delayed the greater the chances that the judge will whack him with alimony.

Now is the time to dump her butt without delay!

Bali, that's really bad advice in this instance.

First, there doesn't seem to be anything here that would indicate that alimony is an issue.

Second, they have basically no marital assets because their house is upside down, the have no savings left, and no retirement savings to tap...and on top of that they have a moral obligation to her elderly parents.

If they can avoid a short sale on the house its the best move for them.

 

[Bali Hai]

Bali, that's really bad advice in this instance.

First, there doesn't seem to be anything here that would indicate that alimony is an issue.

Second, they have basically no marital assets because their house is upside down, the have no savings left, and no retirement savings to tap...and on top of that they have a moral obligation to her elderly parents.

If they can avoid a short sale on the house its the best move for them.

I hope for OP's sake that the alimony awarding jerk judge sees it your way.

 

[LdiJ]

I hope for OP's sake that the alimony awarding jerk judge sees it your way.

Bali, someone has to actually ASK for alimony before a "alimony awarding jerk judge" can order it.

 

[mistoffolees]

Bali, someone has to actually ASK for alimony before a "alimony awarding jerk judge" can order it.

There's actually not enough information to know if Bali's advice is bad or not.

If the couple is approaching the 'magical' 10 year line and if OP earns a lot more than stbx, then it's possible that a delay COULD put him into a regime where stbx would ask for, and receive, significant alimony - possibly more than anything to be gained by hoping for the real estate market to improve.

Furthermore, there's some question as to whether waiting makes sense in any event. Any gains on the home value right now are split with stbx. If he settles for a short sale and buys another house (if that's even realistic - we don't know), he would keep 100% of the gains when the market recovers.

There are just too many scenarios to decide whether he'd be better off financially for accelerating the divorce or delaying it (not to mention the non-financial issues, of course).