Don't know what to do!

[Letmego25]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Oklahoma

Ok I guess it stared in January to leave my husband. I'm 28 years old with two children. We had been having problems for a the last 2 1/2 years. At this time I have stayed home to take care of my kids and worked some on the side. He started drinking alot more of the time and things got worse but were supose to get better. There were times in our marriage that he was mentally, emotionally, and some physical abuse came in. My parents know of some that has happend to me. We have 2 children which are 6 and 3 the one that is 6 has a learning disablity. We grew apart and I decided that enough was enough. I decided that in the august I was going to leave. I told family and every thing a couple of months befor that but they didn't take me seriously. I also became friends with some one during all of this going on with me that in the future I thought about being with after my marriage ended. My parents were being suportive at all about this they kept saying stay in there it will get better. When I told my family that I was really was going to leave him and be with my friend they fliped out. My husband got really mad at me. My parents said I wasn't thinking logiclly about the situation. They threaten to take away my kids and told me that they would declare me in comptent. That they would give my husband money for a lawyer to take them away from me. They said I lied to them about what was really going on with me. Said they couldn't trust me and said I was trying to reuin my life. Since this has happened i'm not alowed to play online games or talk to my guy friend. They said they wouldn't belive me if I said something bad about him and ask him about it if anything happened. Things are still not going well with me and my husband. Before all this happened my guy friend said he was afraid for me and told me I needed to leave.
I would also like to say I have taken care of my kids since day one even when I worked some they were with me. Also after this happened, I got really upset an scared at this point and the reason i'm not leaving him know is because my parents are making me stay. My dad said no one gets a divorce in this family! I'm scared if I leave i'll have my kids taken away from me. If I had someone supporting me in my decition and someone promising me like a legal aid or someone from DHS that I would never lose my kids I would leave. But I don't have any money or talked to a lawyer to help me. Please help me!

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Oklahoma

Ok I guess it stared in January to leave my husband. I'm 28 years old with two children. We had been having problems for a the last 2 1/2 years. At this time I have stayed home to take care of my kids and worked some on the side. He started drinking alot more of the time and things got worse but were supose to get better. There were times in our marriage that he was mentally, emotionally, and some physical abuse came in. My parents know of some that has happend to me. We have 2 children which are 6 and 3 the one that is 6 has a learning disablity. We grew apart and I decided that enough was enough. I decided that in the august I was going to leave. I told family and every thing a couple of months befor that but they didn't take me seriously. I also became friends with some one during all of this going on with me that in the future I thought about being with after my marriage ended. My parents were being suportive at all about this they kept saying stay in there it will get better. When I told my family that I was really was going to leave him and be with my friend they fliped out. My husband got really mad at me. My parents said I wasn't thinking logiclly about the situation. They threaten to take away my kids and told me that they would declare me in comptent. That they would give my husband money for a lawyer to take them away from me. They said I lied to them about what was really going on with me. Said they couldn't trust me and said I was trying to reuin my life. Since this has happened i'm not alowed to play online games or talk to my guy friend. They said they wouldn't belive me if I said something bad about him and ask him about it if anything happened. Things are still not going well with me and my husband. Before all this happened my guy friend said he was afraid for me and told me I needed to leave.
I would also like to say I have taken care of my kids since day one even when I worked some they were with me. Also after this happened, I got really upset an scared at this point and the reason i'm not leaving him know is because my parents are making me stay. My dad said no one gets a divorce in this family! I'm scared if I leave i'll have my kids taken away from me. If I had someone supporting me in my decition and someone promising me like a legal aid or someone from DHS that I would never lose my kids I would leave. But I don't have any money or talked to a lawyer to help me. Please help me!

You are 28 years old. Its time you stopped letting your parents run your life.

No one can promise you that you will retain primary custody of your children. If you have been their primary caregiver then that is strongly in your favor, but no one can make that promise.

However, unless you are seriously mentality ill your parent cannot have you proven incompetent, nor will you lose your children.

Contact a women's shelter in your area and discuss your situation with them. They may be able to point to towards some help and resources.

 

[mistoffolees]

What Ldij said is correct, but I'd add that you need to stay away from your 'guy friend'. If he were truly a friend, it would be one thing, but you're already making plans to be with him after you leave your husband. Not only is that bad for everyone in this situation, but it could affect the child custody situation.

The judge in OK will determine what is best for the children. When you've blindsided your husband and alienated your own family in order to be with a guy you don't even know, that raises questions of whether you really have your children's best interests at heart. You're right in the middle of the bible belt.

As Ld says, you've got an advantage in the custody decision because you're the primary caregiver. Don't squander it over a fling that probably (statistically) doesn't have a future, anyway.

 

[Letmego25]

Thank you for your comments about all of this I know. My friend lives in another state and is staying away till I fix my situation. He really cares about me we have known each other for about a year or more an I know all his family. I am keeping my kids intrest at heart. I want the best for them. I guess I'm just scared that all this happen at once and at the wrong time for my friend to come into the picture. I will call the women shelter here to see what they say and see how to get some help with some things.