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mike1974

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? Utah

My wife and I of four years have been seperated for almost 6 months now. When we met she had a 5yr old daughter and was pregnant. We quickly got married and the baby was born after the marriage. About 2 years into the marriage we seperated for a few months and she got pregnant again. We reconciled and got back together.
Now we are seperated again, and the divorce is coming. She moved a guy in the house we were renting not long after I left. I have been giving her $150 a week, but it is getting tough. I love all 3 girls like they were my own, and have got to see them once a week. I was taking them over night. But stopped doing that after an attorney advised me that because of their current living situation I could be accused of somthing I didnt do. So I was taking them only for a few hours a week.
Over the course of the marriage we have incurred a bunch of medical bills, most of which have been paid. But there is still about $2000 worth that have gone to collections. I know she is responsible for half of that, but I dont think she is working, and I know she cant pay. In order to pay them I decided to take a loan out on my 401k. So I gave her the form she needed to sign, and told her what it was for. This was over 3 weeks ago. Since then she wont answer my phone calls, and I have had not contact with her or the kids.
My friends and family are telling me to file for divorce and contest paternaty and walk away. Honestly I dont know if I can do that.

Any advice would be appreciated.
 


ezmarelda

Member
not legal advice...

mike1974 said:
What is the name of your state? Utah

My wife and I of four years have been seperated for almost 6 months now. When we met she had a 5yr old daughter and was pregnant. We quickly got married and the baby was born after the marriage. About 2 years into the marriage we seperated for a few months and she got pregnant again. We reconciled and got back together.
Now we are seperated again, and the divorce is coming. She moved a guy in the house we were renting not long after I left. I have been giving her $150 a week, but it is getting tough. I love all 3 girls like they were my own, and have got to see them once a week. I was taking them over night. But stopped doing that after an attorney advised me that because of their current living situation I could be accused of somthing I didnt do. So I was taking them only for a few hours a week.
Over the course of the marriage we have incurred a bunch of medical bills, most of which have been paid. But there is still about $2000 worth that have gone to collections. I know she is responsible for half of that, but I dont think she is working, and I know she cant pay. In order to pay them I decided to take a loan out on my 401k. So I gave her the form she needed to sign, and told her what it was for. This was over 3 weeks ago. Since then she wont answer my phone calls, and I have had not contact with her or the kids.
My friends and family are telling me to file for divorce and contest paternaty and walk away. Honestly I dont know if I can do that.

Any advice would be appreciated.
As hard as it may be if the children are not yours then your friends and family are probably right. I know how hard it is to have to walk away from children you love and have helped raise but legaly if they are not yours there isn't much else you can do. Hpoefuly youe stbx will grow a heart and do what is best for her children and let you continue to be part of their lives.
good luck and stay tuned for further assistance
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
mike1974 said:
What is the name of your state? Utah

My wife and I of four years have been seperated for almost 6 months now. When we met she had a 5yr old daughter and was pregnant. We quickly got married and the baby was born after the marriage. About 2 years into the marriage we seperated for a few months and she got pregnant again. We reconciled and got back together.
Now we are seperated again, and the divorce is coming. She moved a guy in the house we were renting not long after I left. I have been giving her $150 a week, but it is getting tough. I love all 3 girls like they were my own, and have got to see them once a week. I was taking them over night. But stopped doing that after an attorney advised me that because of their current living situation I could be accused of somthing I didnt do. So I was taking them only for a few hours a week.
Over the course of the marriage we have incurred a bunch of medical bills, most of which have been paid. But there is still about $2000 worth that have gone to collections. I know she is responsible for half of that, but I dont think she is working, and I know she cant pay. In order to pay them I decided to take a loan out on my 401k. So I gave her the form she needed to sign, and told her what it was for. This was over 3 weeks ago. Since then she wont answer my phone calls, and I have had not contact with her or the kids.
My friends and family are telling me to file for divorce and contest paternaty and walk away. Honestly I dont know if I can do that.

Any advice would be appreciated.
At the moment you are legally the father of two of the children. It may or may not be too late to challenge paternity, depending on your state's laws.

I think that the attorney was nuts to advise you not to take the kids overnight...you are legally their father!

I suspect that she thinks that you are planning to dispose of assets that may be considered to be marital assets....and that you are planning this as a precursor to divorce.

I agree with your family and friends that its time to get a divorce....this is your third round of this and the last thing you need is to become the legal father of yet another man's child.
However, whether or not to challenge paternity is a very personal choice. I won't advise you one way or the other on that.
 

mike1974

Junior Member
LdiJ said:
At the moment you are legally the father of two of the children. It may or may not be too late to challenge paternity, depending on your state's laws.

I think that the attorney was nuts to advise you not to take the kids overnight...you are legally their father!

I suspect that she thinks that you are planning to dispose of assets that may be considered to be marital assets....and that you are planning this as a precursor to divorce.

I agree with your family and friends that its time to get a divorce....this is your third round of this and the last thing you need is to become the legal father of yet another man's child.
However, whether or not to challenge paternity is a very personal choice. I won't advise you one way or the other on that.
Thanks for the response. Yes I agree, it is past time to get moving with the divorce. The good thing is the she cant get pregnant again.

Is there some kind of timeline judges go by as far as awarding her part of my retirement? Is 4 years long enough for her to get any of it? Will the fact that another guy is living there make any difference?
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
mike1974 said:
Thanks for the response. Yes I agree, it is past time to get moving with the divorce. The good thing is the she cant get pregnant again.

Is there some kind of timeline judges go by as far as awarding her part of my retirement? Is 4 years long enough for her to get any of it? Will the fact that another guy is living there make any difference?
No, the fact that another guy is living there doesn't make any difference. You are each entitled to and are responsible for a share of the assets and debts that accrued during the marriage...so yes, she is entitled to 50% of whatever portion of your retirement that accrued during the marriage.
 

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