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Ethical Moral Question

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jsarniejr

Member
What is the name of your state?MA My wife and I are trying to make a finacial settlment in our divorce.There is a very brutal dss/cps report on her involving child abuse.My wifes atty has made it clear to my wife that she doesnt want a judje to have any reason to ask for that report.Can I use it as a bargaining tool,basically to get what I want or more in the settlemnt phase.I havent presented this to my atty yet. John
 


LdiJ

Senior Member
jsarniejr said:
What is the name of your state?MA My wife and I are trying to make a finacial settlment in our divorce.There is a very brutal dss/cps report on her involving child abuse.My wifes atty has made it clear to my wife that she doesnt want a judje to have any reason to ask for that report.Can I use it as a bargaining tool,basically to get what I want or more in the settlemnt phase.I havent presented this to my atty yet. John
Sure you can, if you want to be guilty of blackmail.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
BelizeBreeze said:
How the heck does blackmail come into play? Poster give the information to your attorney, they will know how to proceed best.
If he wants to use it in regards to child custody issues its not....and he absolutely SHOULD use it if its true and factual.

However, that isn't what he said.
 
F

fireboat1

Guest
You should use it ,if she has a abuse problem it should be noted,especially for custodial reasons.Are you seeking and willing to be the custoidial parent?if so that document is very important and helpful.If you are the cp ,she would likley need to give support to you for the children.It might not be in the best interest for the children to live with an abusing parent ,and the abuse may become far worse after the divorce is final and stress of single parenting takes place.Give it to atty.for best advice.
 

nextwife

Senior Member
I sure HOPE you are fighting tooth and nail for custody if she has anger management or abuse issues! Which WILL indirectly affect financials as to CS, and possibly keeping the family home.
 

jsarniejr

Member
heres the issue the boys are split .the abuse was against our bi polar/ODD son.She has never as much as yelled at the little guy.I dont know if i can handle both sons , I want to use ot as leverage to get an equitable split,My atty says with the kids split and being maried 12 yrs,both worked,youre looking at a 50/50 split anyway if you trust her with your younger son.we dont need to beat her with that document****************************yet ????????
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
jsarniejr said:
heres the issue the boys are split .the abuse was against our bi polar/ODD son.She has never as much as yelled at the little guy.I dont know if i can handle both sons , I want to use ot as leverage to get an equitable split,My atty says with the kids split and being maried 12 yrs,both worked,youre looking at a 50/50 split anyway if you trust her with your younger son.we dont need to beat her with that document****************************yet ????????
I agree with your attorney. If you don't think that you can handle both kids, and obviously mom can't handle your older son, but does fine with the younger, then a 50/50 split regarding custody seems logical......nor would it seem fair to "beat her with the document".

Its unlikely that you wouldn't get a fair division of marital assets......and child support will likely depend on incomes and who is paying/responsible for health insurance and daycare costs.

Edit: I just read through your other threads and now I am a bit confused about what you are trying to accomplish.
 
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LdiJ

Senior Member
jsarniejr said:
please explain
Well....you have stated that your wife makes considerably more money than you and that you would like to recieve child support. Ok...that's understandable....and likely to be ordered by a judge.

You also stated that you want the judge to force your wife to sell the house, even if she can afford to buy you out, because you want the children to have an "even playing field" between the two homes.....That one makes no sense at all.....and a judge isn't going to make her sell the home if she can afford to buy you out.

Then there were other odds and ends of things...some that made sense, some that didn't.

Now, looking at those threads and this one....its obvious that you don't believe that your wife is an abuser...that you are fine with each of you having custody of one child...in fact you aren't sure you can handle two anyway......yet you want to beat her over the head with the DSS report, hoping that it will cause her to cave on financial issues.

To me, that's blackmail.....particularly since you are very likely to receive a fair settlement....it sounds to me like you want better than fair.

I hope you have given up on the idea of forcing her to sell the house.....because unless she can't afford to buy you out, it really makes no sense at all.
 

jsarniejr

Member
my issue is im afraid of getting railroaded,my son who lives with me will probably never go back.We have 800,000 equity in the house.she may come after him for those reasons alone,I have dss on my side yet ,i donot want a custody battle unless i have to,because then i would get both boys out.she has missed 51 drug tests at dss which count as positives,she cant buy me out,she cant afford the mortgage on her own,i make much less $ but have no overhead in an aprtment.She has 3 51as filed on her but only 1 upheld.my atty says a custody battle would be a bloodbath for her.
 

jsarniejr

Member
I gues in actuality im asking how damning in a possible custody case ,is blowing off dozens of dss mandated drug tests ,having 3 51as filed on you ,one ama filed on you. Is it a slam dunk ,could she get the son she abused back ,even after a year with me.????my atty says her atty wont even want a judje to hear the words dss confused John
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
jsarniejr said:
my issue is im afraid of getting railroaded,my son who lives with me will probably never go back.We have 800,000 equity in the house.she may come after him for those reasons alone,I have dss on my side yet ,i donot want a custody battle unless i have to,because then i would get both boys out.she has missed 51 drug tests at dss which count as positives,she cant buy me out,she cant afford the mortgage on her own,i make much less $ but have no overhead in an aprtment.She has 3 51as filed on her but only 1 upheld.my atty says a custody battle would be a bloodbath for her.
I am really getting more confused.

I don't understand why you are willing to leave the younger child in her custody if she is so bad. I understand that her "badness" is documented and that a custody battle would be a bloodbath for her....what I don't understand is why you are willing to leave the child with her.

I know that you have said that she never even yells at the younger child, and that you don't believe that you can handle both of them. That does make sense since obviously your older child has some fairly significant problems....which may have contributed to your wife's "abuse"....but it still really doesn't make sense to me. The only way it makes sense to me is if you know the report is unfair or inaccurate.

I am also really confused about why you believe that there would be some sort of advantage to her, property settlement wise, if she had both children in her custody.....Child custody and property settlements are COMPLETELY SEPARATE issues.

Even if you total her in court over custody issues....it won't change anything on how a judge would order a property settlement.

Yeah, if both of you could afford to buy the other out, and both of you wanted to keep the home, then maybe the parent with custody of both kids would have an edge for being the one to get to buy the other out....but otherwise, it doesn't work that way.

If she can qualify for a mortgage big enough to buy out your share of the equity (whatever that share is, since 800k in equity is pretty huge, for a home that would have had to be owned for less than 12 years).....then she will be able to buy you out.

If she can't, then the home is going to have to be sold, and the proceeds split equitably.

The answers to these questions might help:

When was the home purchased and in whose name(s)?
How much was the purchase price?
How much was the down payment and where did it come from?
Was any money spent to improve the home? How much and where did it come from?

How much are your cars worth and what do you owe on them?

Do you have any marital debt (other than the mortgage)? How much?

Are there any other assets? If so, how much?

Please understand....it doesn't make sense that your wife is so bad yet you are willing to leave one of the children with her.

It makes it look like either something is very amiss with your wife's "abuse record"....or that you are willing to sacrifice one of the children for financial gain.....perhaps gain you are not entitled to receive.....or that you are really confused about the law and aren't listening well to your attorney.
 

jsarniejr

Member
custody being 100% separate from finacial asset division cleared the issue up.Thank you .I think i got confused when we went in for temp orders and my atty wanted the house ordered sold in 60 days do to the inequity in living situations for both kids,The judje said i cant in a clear conscience order it sold ,what if one parent dies in the iterim and we sold the family home.I saw that as a victory for my wife,
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
jsarniejr said:
custody being 100% separate from finacial asset division cleared the issue up.Thank you .I think i got confused when we went in for temp orders and my atty wanted the house ordered sold in 60 days do to the inequity in living situations for both kids,The judje said i cant in a clear conscience order it sold ,what if one parent dies in the iterim and we sold the family home.I saw that as a victory for my wife,
No, that wasn't a victory for your wife....and it was a really DUMB request on your attorney's behalf. Ask a judge to order that a house be sold within 60 days? That is literally absurd and pretty much guaranteed to lose both parties considerable money in equity if a judge actually ordered that and if it could even happen....and basing the request on inequity in living situations for the kids??...even MORE absurd.

You are lucky that the judge turned you down so mildly.....many of them would have ripped both your and your attorney a new one for even asking for something so absurd.

If that request was your attorneys idea then perhaps you need to be consulting with other attorneys. If that request was your idea....then perhaps you need to start listening to your attorney...or again consult with other attorneys.
 

jsarniejr

Member
before we went in front of the judje the mediator told us both ,that this judje has a history of ordering houses sold on temp orders.I know my atty knew this .The judje had a meeting an hour before our temps were heard and another judje filled in for the remainder of the day and denied the request.my wife is under temp orders to pay the morgage on the marital home,she missed last payment and has consulted me about putting it on the market.this week,how long before foreclosue?
 
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