Ex-Husband bullies Ex-Wife

[Scorpiuscat]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Colorado

I have a friend that just recently divorced a man who turned out to be one of the most inconsiderate, sellfish bullies that I have ever seen.

And now that they are divorced and 2 very young children are involved, this man constantly bullies her into getting his way with everything.

He has her so stressed out that everyone that knows her fears she wont beable to take it very much longer and do harm to herself and/or her children.

Her lawer does not seem to be much help in this case, simply stating that she needs to stand up for herself.

But her Ex-Husband is a cop, has a gun and is very intimidating and anytime she even comes close to standing up to him, he goes berserk and backs her down.

While she has not stated that he has directly threatened her, she is very afraid of him.

How can we help her to get this to stop? If cannot be legal to bully people, but proof is hard to get with out witnesses or recordings and he seems very carefull to make sure that they are alone when he does most of his damage.

This woman needs some serious help or I fear the worst will happen.

I am open to anything anyone can suggest.

[Zigner]

Originally Posted by Scorpiuscat

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Colorado

I have a friend that just recently divorced a man who turned out to be one of the most inconsiderate, sellfish bullies that I have ever seen.

And now that they are divorced and 2 very young children are involved, this man constantly bullies her into getting his way with everything.

He has her so stressed out that everyone that knows her fears she wont beable to take it very much longer and do harm to herself and/or her children.

Her lawer does not seem to be much help in this case, simply stating that she needs to stand up for herself.

But her Ex-Husband is a cop, has a gun and is very intimidating and anytime she even comes close to standing up to him, he goes berserk and backs her down.

While she has not stated that he has directly threatened her, she is very afraid of him.

How can we help her to get this to stop? If cannot be legal to bully people, but proof is hard to get with out witnesses or recordings and he seems very carefull to make sure that they are alone when he does most of his damage.

This woman needs some serious help or I fear the worst will happen.

I am open to anything anyone can suggest.

I tend to agree with the lawyer who has experience with the case and with the dynamic between the two involved parties.

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Colorado

I have a friend that just recently divorced a man who turned out to be one of the most inconsiderate, sellfish bullies that I have ever seen.

Really? And what about your friend?

And now that they are divorced and 2 very young children are involved, this man constantly bullies her into getting his way with everything.

Such as?

He has her so stressed out that everyone that knows her fears she wont beable to take it very much longer and do harm to herself and/or her children.

If the above is true then quite frankly the police should step in and have her involuntarily committed so that she can NOT do harm to herself and/or HER children. Of course HE is entitled to see HIS children. She didn't create those children herself. So if those children are also his, he has a right to custody and to protect them from a woman who is psychologically weak.

Her lawer does not seem to be much help in this case, simply stating that she needs to stand up for herself.

Quite frankly she probably does.

But her Ex-Husband is a cop, has a gun and is very intimidating and anytime she even comes close to standing up to him, he goes berserk and backs her down.

And she hasn't done anything about it -- a restraining order or anything? Or what? Does he yell? Or does he disagree with her?

While she has not stated that he has directly threatened her, she is very afraid of him.

Time for her to get some self esteem. Has she tried therapy?

How can we help her to get this to stop? If cannot be legal to bully people, but proof is hard to get with out witnesses or recordings and he seems very carefull to make sure that they are alone when he does most of his damage.

Really? Then you have NO proof that any of this has ever happened.

This woman needs some serious help or I fear the worst will happen.

Have her placed into a psychiatric facility before she hurts herself or others.

[Scorpiuscat]

Wow, I can feel the hostility from that last post.

First off, I know you want to believe that I am the person I am talking about in my post. I am not.

Second, I dont want to type a novel describing everything, people tend not to read overly long posts.

Thirdy, no one is trying to take any rights away from this guy, there is a schedule that got hammered out by the lawyers for visitation rights with the kids. Both parties are unhappy with it, so its probably safe to say that its fair.

So for sake of argument, try to take my post as face value and assume that this guy has made it his lifes goal to make her as miserable as possible without acutally hitting her.

What can someone legally do to stop that?

After all was there not a case where some people bullied a young lady so badly that she killed herself? Yes there was and they did get convicted.

And since he dosent hit her, no one is likley to issue a restaining order so I dont think that is going to be an option.

[Silverplum]

Originally Posted by Scorpiuscat

Wow, I can feel the hostility from that last post.

First off, I know you want to believe that I am the person I am talking about in my post. I am not.

Second, I dont want to type a novel describing everything, people tend not to read overly long posts.

Thirdy, no one is trying to take any rights away from this guy, there is a schedule that got hammered out by the lawyers for visitation rights with the kids. Both parties are unhappy with it, so its probably safe to say that its fair.

So for sake of argument, try to take my post as face value and assume that this guy has made it his lifes goal to make her as miserable as possible without acutally hitting her.

What can someone legally do to stop that?

After all was there not a case where some people bullied a young lady so badly that she killed herself? Yes there was and they did get convicted.

And since he dosent hit her, no one is likley to issue a restaining order so I dont think that is going to be an option.

There's nothing to do -- unless you'd like for me to arrest and prosecute you for thinking unkind thoughts. Unfair? Unlikely? Yes.

She does have to grow a backbone. She does have to grasp that her relationship with him is broken and done. It's not like it's going to be Happy Joyland from now on, just because the divorce has occurred.

[Ohiogal]

Wow, I can feel the hostility from that last post.

I was not hostile at all. I am in a great mood actually.

First off, I know you want to believe that I am the person I am talking about in my post. I am not.

Um, no. I wans't believing you were the person you are talking about.

Second, I dont want to type a novel describing everything, people tend not to read overly long posts.

We don't want a novel -- that implies fiction and I have some good fiction books here now. Don't need half hearted attempts.

Thirdy, no one is trying to take any rights away from this guy, there is a schedule that got hammered out by the lawyers for visitation rights with the kids. Both parties are unhappy with it, so its probably safe to say that its fair.

Okay.

So for sake of argument, try to take my post as face value and assume that this guy has made it his lifes goal to make her as miserable as possible without acutally hitting her.

I was taking it at face value. YOU stated that she might hurt herself or others. I stated:

If the above is true then quite frankly the police should step in and have her involuntarily committed so that she can NOT do harm to herself and/or HER children. Of course HE is entitled to see HIS children. She didn't create those children herself. So if those children are also his, he has a right to custody and to protect them from a woman who is psychologically weak.

All of the above is legal fact based on what YOU posted.

What can someone legally do to stop that?

She can get some counseling, some therapy, some self esteem and a backbone.

After all was there not a case where some people bullied a young lady so badly that she killed herself? Yes there was and they did get convicted.

You are aware that that case was the first of its kind and do you have any idea the specific LAW that was used?

And since he dosent hit her, no one is likley to issue a restaining order so I dont think that is going to be an option.

And you are wrong.

[Scorpiuscat]

Originally Posted by Ohiogal

You are aware that that case was the first of its kind and do you have any idea the specific LAW that was used?


And you are wrong.

OK, how does a restraining order work between a divorced couple with kids?

[mistoffolees]

Originally Posted by Scorpiuscat

What can someone legally do to stop that?

You've already gotten your answer.

There's no law that requires ex-husbands to be nice. There's also no law that requires women to put up with nasty ex-husbands. But they had children together, so they'd better learn to deal with each other as human beings unless they want the kids to grow up with problems.

I agree with all the other posters. He can only push her around as much as he lets her. Since you state that he has not made physical threats, it's not a legal issue. She needs to grow a backbone. No one is going to turn him into a nice person overnight, nor is anyone going to keep him from seeing his kids.

[Tallrat]

[url=http://www.womenslaw.org/laws_state_type.php?statelaw_name=Restraining%20Orders&state_code=CO]WomensLaw.org | Colorado: Restraining Orders[/url]

Where I work we have many divorced couple who drop off and pick up for visitation at the Police Dept. If she does not feel comfortable at her ex's dept it can be arranged at another.

[Silverplum]

Originally Posted by Tallrat

[url=http://www.womenslaw.org/laws_state_type.php?statelaw_name=Restraining%20Orders&state_code=CO]WomensLaw.org | Colorado: Restraining Orders[/url]

Where I work we have many divorced couple who drop off and pick up for visitation at the Police Dept. If she does not feel comfortable at her ex's dept it can be arranged at another.

Yes, and that's just so pleasant for the children, isn't it?

Instead of dragging the cops and their shops into this, how 'bout Mom learns to cope with the father of her children? Just because she isn't getting diamond necklaces from him doesn't mean she has to drag her kids through the police station each time they see their father.

[mistoffolees]

Originally Posted by Silverplum

Yes, and that's just so pleasant for the children, isn't it?

Well, in cases where it's needed, it's far better for the kids than watching one parent beaten black and blue or even verbally harrassed incessantly.

I don't know enough to know if THIS case justifies it, but there are certainly plenty of cases where exchanging the kids at a police station DOES make sense.

[Tallrat]

Originally Posted by Silverplum

Yes, and that's just so pleasant for the children, isn't it?

Instead of dragging the cops and their shops into this, how 'bout Mom learns to cope with the father of her children? Just because she isn't getting diamond necklaces from him doesn't mean she has to drag her kids through the police station each time they see their father.

Your right, Much better they just see dad screaming at mom and mom crying. And what if this woman gets her ass kicked when she gets her back bone? You going to say to her, What did you do to piss him off so much? You are an idiot!

[LdiJ]

Since he is apparently careful enough to behave himself when someone else is around, my suggestion would be for mom to have someone else around during times that they exchange the children, and not the same person every time.

However mom does need to grow a backbone as well.

Because you refuse to describe any examples of what dad does, its difficult to give any specific advice as to how mom should handle herself.

However, one specific thing that mom can say if dad is verbally harassing her is "I am not required to tolerate verbal abuse from you. When you are ready to behave in a civilized and rational manner I will be happy to discuss XXX with you".

[Silverplum]

Originally Posted by Tallrat

Your right, Much better they just see dad screaming at mom and mom crying. And what if this woman gets her ass kicked when she gets her back bone? You going to say to her, What did you do to piss him off so much? You are an idiot!

Why, thank you.

[StampGirl]

Originally Posted by Silverplum

Yes, and that's just so pleasant for the children, isn't it?

Instead of dragging the cops and their shops into this, how 'bout Mom learns to cope with the father of her children? Just because she isn't getting diamond necklaces from him doesn't mean she has to drag her kids through the police station each time they see their father.

Silver? I am going to disagree with you on this one. My ex and I have always done our child exchanges at the police department. I love it personally. I don't have to go to his house and he doesn't go to mine.

Its a very neutral meeting ground and if anyone pulls any funny stuff, there is help available immediately.

For the record, my ex is a cop too. They can be a pain to deal with. But, OP, your friend needs to stand up to him. He is only as scary as you let him be.