Ex wants my new son?

[Lorih]

What is the name of your state? Illinois

I had a daughter with a boyfriend 11 years ago, he is involved in her life but we do not get along. He is married with 3 children of his own. His wife hated me from the moment she met my ex & we have never gotten along.

Three years ago I got married, had a son but the marriage did not last long & my exhusband has kept himself out of the picture completely.

Well, when my son (now 2) was a baby, my daughters father would make comments like "if you want to give him up, I'll take him". He even had his wife come over to see the baby (she NEVER comes around she's never nice). Over the past two years he makes lots of comments like that. When he picks up my daughter for the weekends - he stares at my son, wants to hold my son, and then says he'd like to take my son along with my daughter for the weekends (he even called to ask if he could take him on his birthday). My ex always tells me to just "give him" my daughter (becuase he doesn't want to continue to pay support - and yes that is the reason). But now he not only asks for me to give him my daughter - but now my son too. I tell him "that's my son" and he replies "yeah, but I'd take real good care of him". I've asked my daughter if her step-mom knows her dad wants to take my son and she says that her dad DOES ask her step-mom and she's ok with it.

Does anyone else think this is REALLY weird? Peoples first assumption might be that he is trying to be a "father-figure" to this little boy. But please keep in mind that other than every other weekend, he isn't involved much with his daughter, AND more importantly we have NEVER gotten along - to the point where it's downright awful sometimes. And I consider his wife my worst enemy. I've thought that they want to take my son for the day - so that way if we went to court they could say "she must not have a problem with the step-mom becuase she places her own son in step-moms care..." Plus, my ex screams at me all the time because he thinks the support he pays (which is only 10% - I'm taking him back for more) is covering my son - who is "not his problem"......weird - because he'll turn around and want to take him.

I just think this is really creepy and would love to hear someone elses thoughts...

 

[Boxcarbill]

I think, correct that to know, that it makes no legal difference whether you and the step mom get like each other or not. He is the father of the daughter and his wife is the step mom until such time if, as and when they divorce. I don't know why he likes the two year old--looks, personality, gender--a combination of all of that. I think most of us have seen children which we thought were so darling that we wish we had them.

 

[Lorih]

And I understand adoring a child - but not making comments about someone GIVING you that child..... I think asking someone for their child CONSTANTLY - who is no blood relation to you is a little extreme. I would never dare tell someone to give me their child & that I would take real good care of them...unless they had a fatal disease - which I do not....

 

[dakoto70]

Does he have a son by his wife? Maybe that might be the problem, he wants a boy. It sucks that you guys do not get along and that you can't trust him with your son because your daughter would probably love having her baby brother go with her to dads house, every once in awhile.

 

[Lorih]

He has two boys & a baby girl with his wife.

And I do trust my ex - I don't trust his wife.

AND it wouldn't be so bad if he just asked to bring my son there for the weekend (which I won't because of his wife) but he asks to HAVE HIM for good. When my son was first born, he would say "if you want to give him up, I'll take him". Like I would give my son up just becuase I was getting divorced?? Or "just give him to me, I'll take good care of him"....?????

I just think it's out of line to talk to someone like that about their child.

I also think it's odd because his wife cannot stand when we talk or have ANY involvement what-so-ever, she gets very jealous. I find it hard to believe she is "cool" with him adoring MY son so much.....

 

[stealth2]

Ignore it. You're under no obligation to send the boy on visitation, so don't.

 

[Lorih]

Thanks - I never would send my son.

I guess I was just wondering if anyone else thought this was creepy - not whether I should send my son or not.

Thanks for everyone's time.

 

[annefan]

Ask your daughter's DAD why he has such an interest in your son. He would be the only person who can answer that question.