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Exposing Kids to New Significant Other prior to divorce being final

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PhilE

Member
What is the name of your state? WI

So we have temp orders and are working w/ our respective attny's on wording of the final doc but have not reached final agreement yet. The temp orders give placement as 50/50 and STBX has moved into an apartment.

In the initial consult w/ my attny he made it very clear that if i wanted to date that was fine but under no circumstances should i expose my kids to any of that. (made perfect sense to me and was how i planned to handle it anyway)

so i have recently discovered that the guy my ex is dating (and is secretly engaged to...irrelevant i suspect) is spending time at her house whilst the kids are there and is interacting with them. He also lives quite a ways away so i suspect he may be spending the night there also...

Was my attny's initial advice based on some legal issue that i should be aware of or just from a "good of the kids" standpoint......obviously once the divorce is final this is a moot point but until that time.....

I'm taking the position that this is one of those things that i can 100% disagree with but on her days she can do what ever she wants...regardless of the consequences....all i have done is indicate that i will no longer use her for child coverage (we don't have first refusal in the Temp Order) as i can't trust the environment i would be sending them to.

I should also say that while she makes many many poor choices putting our kids in harms way would never be one of them....not concerned from that standpoint....more the long term effects of the kids being exposed to a relationship that screams rebound...

anyways interested to hear if i'm missing anything legally

Thanks
 


Ohiogal

Queen Bee
You are not going to use her for child care coverage even if she is available and she is the children's mother because she is dating someone whom the children have met?

While still married it is not smart to introduce the children to a paramour. However to limit the children's time with their mother because she is dating someone the children have met after the divorce is not cool either.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
What is the name of your state? WI

So we have temp orders and are working w/ our respective attny's on wording of the final doc but have not reached final agreement yet. The temp orders give placement as 50/50 and STBX has moved into an apartment.

In the initial consult w/ my attny he made it very clear that if i wanted to date that was fine but under no circumstances should i expose my kids to any of that. (made perfect sense to me and was how i planned to handle it anyway)

so i have recently discovered that the guy my ex is dating (and is secretly engaged to...irrelevant i suspect) is spending time at her house whilst the kids are there and is interacting with them. He also lives quite a ways away so i suspect he may be spending the night there also...

Was my attny's initial advice based on some legal issue that i should be aware of or just from a "good of the kids" standpoint......obviously once the divorce is final this is a moot point but until that time.....

I'm taking the position that this is one of those things that i can 100% disagree with but on her days she can do what ever she wants...regardless of the consequences....all i have done is indicate that i will no longer use her for child coverage (we don't have first refusal in the Temp Order) as i can't trust the environment i would be sending them to.

I should also say that while she makes many many poor choices putting our kids in harms way would never be one of them....not concerned from that standpoint....more the long term effects of the kids being exposed to a relationship that screams rebound...

anyways interested to hear if i'm missing anything legally

Thanks
You have limited options:
1. Make sure that the final orders address the issue. Typically, you can get an order to forbid overnights, but not forbidding them spending time together during the day (not sure it would be a good idea even if you could).

2. Check your temporary orders. I believe it was addressed in the temporary orders in my state.

3. Talk with stbx about the issue and explain your concerns. However, if the kids have already met her boyfriend, you might be doing more harm than good by forbidding ANY contact.
 

PhilE

Member
You are not going to use her for child care coverage even if she is available and she is the children's mother because she is dating someone whom the children have met?

While still married it is not smart to introduce the children to a paramour. However to limit the children's time with their mother because she is dating someone the children have met after the divorce is not cool either.
I agree that after the divorce all bets are off but i think, for the good of our children, showing a little restraint until the divorce is official is not unreasnable..

And she gets all her court appointed time..this is my time that i choose not to place them in that environment.
 

PhilE

Member
You have limited options:
1. Make sure that the final orders address the issue. Typically, you can get an order to forbid overnights, but not forbidding them spending time together during the day (not sure it would be a good idea even if you could).

2. Check your temporary orders. I believe it was addressed in the temporary orders in my state.

3. Talk with stbx about the issue and explain your concerns. However, if the kids have already met her boyfriend, you might be doing more harm than good by forbidding ANY contact.
I'm pretty much of the opinion that at this point the potential damage has already been done.....just going to stay out of her business and hope she'll return the favour down the road

but as she knows how strongly i feel about this i would be a hypocrite to not make choices on my time w/ the kids that take this into account...

sounds like my initial assessment was correct..thanks for the info
 

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