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Exwife refuses to give back name

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euliving

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OHIO

My exwife will NOT change back her maiden name. The problem is, my current wife does not want to be #2. She doesn't want the same name as my exwife. Is there anything I could do to get my exwife to change her name BACK to her maiden name? She says she doesn't want to do it because of the kids. She says if she changes her name, the kids must change theirs. Obviously I would never allow that.

Thanks!
 


Isis1

Senior Member
well, sounds reasonable of the ex-wife.

sound like your current wife has a personal issue problem. she is number two. regardless if a name change did occur.

and what did the judge say when you asked him/her?
 

justalayman

Senior Member
you gave it to her. As with all gifts, it is up to the reciever to decide if it is returned.


She has not reason to give up the name the children have as well as the name she has come to be known by for the length of your marriage.

If there is something very special about your surname, you may be able to ask a court to require her to relinquish the name but other than that, wife #2 needs to get used to realizing she is in fact, wife number 2.
 

las365

Senior Member
Why don't you and your second wife change your last names to her maiden name?

Really, if your second wife didn't want to be wife #2, she shouldn't have married you. I mean, she knew, right?
 

Gracie3787

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OHIO

My exwife will NOT change back her maiden name. The problem is, my current wife does not want to be #2. She doesn't want the same name as my exwife. Is there anything I could do to get my exwife to change her name BACK to her maiden name? She says she doesn't want to do it because of the kids. She says if she changes her name, the kids must change theirs. Obviously I would never allow that.

Thanks!
According to your other thread from Jan your wife is Hungarian, correct?

I realize that in your wife's culture it is an embarrassment to be the "2nd" with the same name. However, you, and she need to understand that in this country the first wife is allowed by law to keep her married name, and your wife will just need to accept that reality.
 

majomom1

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OHIO

My exwife will NOT change back her maiden name. The problem is, my current wife does not want to be #2. She doesn't want the same name as my exwife. Is there anything I could do to get my exwife to change her name BACK to her maiden name? She says she doesn't want to do it because of the kids. She says if she changes her name, the kids must change theirs. Obviously I would never allow that.

Thanks!
I guess we can all see where this 2nd marriage is headed...

I kept my married name too... I also want my name to be the same as my children... just like you.

My ex also tried to make me change my name back and even recruited the kids to help him. Didn't work. In addition to wanting the same name as my kids, I have had my married name longer than I had my maiden name. I see absolutely no reason to change it now.

And I still cannot fathom why it bothers him... or why it bothers you.
 

Farfalla

Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OHIO
My exwife will NOT change back her maiden name. The problem is, my current wife does not want to be #2. She doesn't want the same name as my exwife. Is there anything I could do to get my exwife to change her name BACK to her maiden name? She says she doesn't want to do it because of the kids. She says if she changes her name, the kids must change theirs. Obviously I would never allow that.
Thanks!
Your first wife it the mother of your children. It’s a good thing when their mother has the same name. Many women, it not most, keep their married name after divorce when they have children with the same last name. It’s for your children.

Your current wife is the 2nd wife. She cannot change reality and wipe away your ex wife.

There is a tendency for second wives and husbands to try to chip away at the memory of the previous spouse and sometimes even of the children from previous marriages.

Perhaps you and your wife should look into etiquette to see the differences in how names are used for divorced and married women. Good sources are Emily Post and Miss Manners. There’s plenty online about it too. Maybe if your 2nd wife knows that only she is entitled to use the a particular from of the name… she might feel better.

Let’s say that wife #1 was Mary Smith and you are John Jones.

When she was married to you she could use: Mrs. John Jones or Ms. Mary Jones

The title Mrs. Is never used before a female first name because means ‘wife of’.

Now that she is divorced her title/name is of the form Mrs. FirstName MaidenName MarriedName

So she can use Mrs. Smith Jones, she would no longer use the name Mrs. John Jones

Your 2nd wife is the only one who can now be called Mrs. John Jones

Google Answers: Ms or Mrs

The issue here is not the name, unless you have the rarest of names, there are thousands if not tens of thousands of people with the same last name. You don't even know them. The problem is really that there is that your current wife is harboring jealously towards your ex... that she exists at all. This is going to be a huge headache for you.
 
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Farfalla

Member
And I still cannot fathom why it bothers him... or why it bothers you.
I agree... i don't understand why it bothers them either. Most names are held by thousands of people... you'd think they owned the name.


Perhaps it's a good reminder that once married there are things, even after divorce, that cannot just be vanished to the ends of the world by a legal document.... things like there was a marriage and children were born of it. And even ex-spouses are people and have rights.
 

VeronicaLodge

Senior Member
in divorce proceedings even if the soon to be ex first wife asked for her maiden name back, if there are children, a lot judegs wont allow it, they want the children and mother to have the same last name.

i am a second wife and couldnt imagine expecting my husband's ex wife having to change her name to be different from HER childrens. that is just ridiculous
 

TinkerBelleLuvr

Senior Member
True adults understand that they cannot get everything they want in life. Now, regardless of what names anyone has, your second wife is your second wife. What part of "you were married before" doesn't she get?
 

euliving

Junior Member
Ok, I see a lot of emotional and lengthy responses which I LOVE but last time I gave one, I got kinda barked at. Hmm

The reason it bothers me is my exwife did not bother to stick around. She only gets the name when she EARNS it. She walked out. She had the 7 year itch. That means she should give back what she hijacked. First, you don't just marry some guy and then walk out on him for little to NO reason and then expect to enjoy any of the benefits from him. Is that right? Forget that! I owe her nothing. I owe my kids and I owe my current wife.

Yes, my wife is Hungarian. There are many cultural differences. She is using my name plus her maiden name hyphenated but they have still 6 other forms when they marry. So like 7 options. Its amazing. But my current wife IS number one. She IS the best. She IS the queen of my house. I don't want some knock off to intrude on my wifes status. My exwife won't ever stay with a man so I don't think she she freeload other guys for their money, their house, their belongings OR their name.
 

Farfalla

Member
I can see part of why your marriage failed. It takes two to make a marriage work. She did not walk out for ‘no reason’. She walked out because the marriage was not meeting her needs. You were apparently so clueless about her needs that you are not even aware of this. My bet is that if we hear her side of the story she will tell us all about your faults. So you failed each other. Look up the book “His Needs, Her Needs”. You could learn a lot from it.

According to the laws and customs of this country, which are predominately based on European laws and customs, she is entitled to use her married name after a divorce. You cannot take it away from her. So what was your contribution to the failure of your marriage?

It sounds to me like you are the one who is upset about this not your current wife so much. If I were your current wife I would be very concerned that you have not let go of the baggage of your previous marriage.
Yes, my wife is Hungarian. There are many cultural differences. She is using my name plus her maiden name hyphenated but they have still 6 other forms when they marry. So like 7 options. Its amazing. But my current wife IS number one. She IS the best. She IS the queen of my house.
I too use the form of Mrs. MaidenName-MarriedName. The women in my family from Europe have done that for generations. Many American women are now using that form, especially if they have already established themselves in a career and financially so that they do not lose the name recognition.

I don't want some knock off to intrude on my wifes status. My exwife won't ever stay with a man so I don't think she she freeload other guys for their money, their house, their belongings OR their name.
Listen to you bad mouth the mother of your children!!! A ‘knock off’ who intrudes on your wife’s status?

You have no idea if she will ever stay with a man. Just because she did not stay with you does not mean that she will not find a man who one day she loves and who meets her needs. And by the way, is there a requirement for a woman to ‘stay with a man’? Are you saying that she’s morally defunct or bad because she chooses to stay single now?

So tell us why your name is so valuable that she would want to ‘freeload’ for your name? Are you a Kennedy, a Milbank, a Rockefeller, a Hilton? Does your name open social and economic doors for her? Mostly likely not. Because if you were from one of those families…. And your ex is as sleazy as you say she is… you would have paid her some nice sum to give up your name. And she would be smiling all the way to the bank.

Instead of obsessing over your exwife… do something fun with your new wife. … Spend the time you would worrying about this finding out what you new wife needs so that this marriage does not fail.

This is a legal forum. Presumably you came here for legal advice. You got that… she is entitled to use her married name by law. You cannot prevent it.
 

wileybunch

Senior Member
The reason it bothers me is my exwife did not bother to stick around. She only gets the name when she EARNS it. She walked out. She had the 7 year itch. That means she should give back what she hijacked.
When you're king of the world, you can make that rule. Otherwise, you're going to have to let this one go b/c you have no power to rule on this one.
 
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